I have this strange thing that I have struggled with most of my life...it is the feeling of being worthy verses the feeling of having GREAT worth....and I have realized that I am not alone in feeling this way. You see I know that God sees worth in me...I mean, He MUST. He sent His only son to die for me and He pursues an intimate relationship with me every moment of every day so He must see something of value in my life...something that WITH HIM, and THROUGH HIM is worthy of pursuing....and I get that. But then there is another side that I don't get it. The GREAT worth part. Now some of you people may not see the difference....but I know I'm not the only one who struggles with great worth. It is the struggle of wondering if you are of great worth...and why.
For me it is like the difference between a hill and a mountain. When one climbs a hill, they may think," wow, that was pretty cool. I sure am glad I climbed that hill"...but when one climbs a mountain, one would think," WOW!!! This is AMAZING! This could be the most beautiful moment in my life...I mean just LOOK at the view!"....both have worth, but one seems to be of GREAT WORTH. I tend to look around me and feel like everyone around me is changing the world in far greater ways than I...and it leaves me feeling of less worth, which leads me to feeling pretty insecure about myself. I can look around and say," wow....look at Billy Graham, Karen Kingsbury, or Beth Moore, or...the list can go on for quite awhile....and in their lives I see GREAT WORTH. They are reaching so many people and changing this world and so then I compare them to my life...and I am changing sheets on the bed and reaching for more dishes to wash. It just seems like they have more value in the Kingdom of Heaven than I would....and so I have struggled with this over and over and over, year after year after year and I am just now realizing that the problem isn't them or me. It is my PERCEPTION of great worth.
When a mom comes up to me, tired and exhausted, I will be the first one to tell her of her value! I will hug on her and pray with her and probably make up some really cute little basket to give her later in the week just to remind her of her value....because that is what I believe...for her. But when it comes to myself....man....I am harsh and relentless. I will shrink from talking in front of someone because who am I? I will be embarrassed when someone says something nice about me because I think," If only they knew my house was a disaster, they wouldn't be saying this about me!" See what I mean...it is my PERCEPTION that is off. My perception of WHO I AM.
So lately God has been relentless in speaking to my heart about this. He desires for me to change my view on this and He has made that VERY clear and so I want to change. I want to start seeing myself for who I am IN HIM. I want us, as women, to not be afraid to be ourselves in all our messy, dirty, hoarding, rushed, organized, crafting, crazy beauty that we are! I want to see myself as He see's me...so how does He see me?
God tells me that He see's me as fearfully and wonderfully made....from birth...at the beginning of my life...in the womb. Psalm 139:14
God tells me that I am complete in Him Who is the Head of all principality and power (Colossians 2:10
I am also told that I am alive with Christ (Ephesians 2:5
I am free from the law of sin and death (Romans 8:2).
I am far from oppression, and fear does not come near me (Isaiah 54:14).
I am born of God, and the evil one does not touch me (1 John 5:18).
I am holy and without blame before Him in love (Ephesians 1:4; 1 Peter 1:16).
I have the mind of Christ (1 Corinthians 2:16; Philippians 2:5).
I have the peace of God that passes all understanding (Philippians 4:7).
I have the Greater One living in me; greater is He Who is in me than he who is in the world (1 John 4:4).
I have received the gift of righteousness and reign as a king in life by Jesus Christ (Romans 5:17).
I have received the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of Jesus, the eyes of my understanding being enlightened (Ephesians 1:17-18).
I have received the power of the Holy Spirit to lay hands on the sick and see them recover, to cast out demons, to speak with new tongues. I have power over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall by any means harm me (Mark 16:17-18; Luke 10:17-19).
I have put off the old man and have put on the new man, which is renewed in the knowledge after the image of Him Who created me (Colossians 3:9-10).
I have given, and it is given to me; good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over, men give into my bosom (Luke 6:38).
I have no lack for my God supplies all of my need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:19).
I can quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one with my shield of faith (Ephesians 6:16).
I can do all things through Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:13).
I show forth the praises of God Who has called me out of darkness into His marvelous light (1 Peter 2:9).
I am God’s child for I am born again of the incorruptible seed of the Word of God, which lives and abides forever (1 Peter 1:23).
I am God’s workmanship, created in Christ unto good works (Ephesians 2:10).
I am a new creature in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17).
I am a spirit being alive to God (Romans 6:11;1 Thessalonians 5:23).
I am a believer, and the light of the Gospel shines in my mind (2 Corinthians 4:4).
I am a doer of the Word and blessed in my actions (James 1:22,25).
I am a joint-heir with Christ (Romans 8:17).
I am more than a conqueror through Him Who loves me (Romans 8:37).
I am an overcomer by the blood of the Lamb and the word of my testimony (Revelation 12:11).
I am a partaker of His divine nature (2 Peter 1:3-4).
I am an ambassador for Christ (2 Corinthians 5:20).
I am part of a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a purchased people (1 Peter 2:9).
I am the righteousness of God in Jesus Christ (2 Corinthians 5:21).
I am the temple of the Holy Spirit; I am not my own (1 Corinthians 6:19).
I am the head and not the tail; I am above only and not beneath (Deuteronomy 28:13).
I am the light of the world (Matthew 5:14).
I am His elect, full of mercy, kindness, humility, and longsuffering (Romans 8:33; Colossians 3:12).
I am forgiven of all my sins and washed in the Blood (Ephesians 1:7).
I am delivered from the power of darkness and translated into God’s kingdom (Colossians 1:13).
I am redeemed from the curse of sin, sickness, and poverty (Deuteronomy 28:15-68; Galatians 3:13).
I am firmly rooted, built up, established in my faith and overflowing with gratitude (Colossians 2:7).
I am called of God to be the voice of His praise (Psalm 66:8; 2 Timothy 1:9).
I am healed by the stripes of Jesus (Isaiah 53:5; 1 Peter 2:24).
I am raised up with Christ and seated in heavenly places (Ephesians 2:6; Colossians 2:12).
I am greatly loved by God (Romans 1:7; Ephesians 2:4; Colossians 3:12; 1 Thessalonians 1:4).
I am strengthened with all might according to His glorious power (Colossians 1:11).
I am submitted to God, and the devil flees from me because I resist him in the Name of Jesus (James 4:7).
I press on toward the goal to win the prize to which God in Christ Jesus is calling us upward (Philippians 3:14).
For God has not given us a spirit of fear; but of power, love, and a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7).
It is not I who live, but Christ lives in me Galatians 2:20
Now these are just a FEW of the things that God tells me....so now I have to decide if I believe Him. Do I believe that what God says is true and never false. If I do...then I have to own these things. I have to see that when God created the hill....He did it with just as much passion and love as He had when He created the mountain.
I am trying to teach my daughters to own in every way the fact that they are royalty...heirs to a great and mighty Kingdom that one day soon will be here. I want them to know this in their core....they BELONG. They are valued and treasured and of GREAT WORTH....and I will never be able to fully teach that to them when they see me constantly doubt myself and who I am. I am teaching them to do the same thing I do...compare and always come up lacking. So I want them to see me as a seeker...someone who is seeking truth always. Not perfect. But a seeker.
Listen my friends, We ARE NOT a perfect people yet. We will struggle with laundry and dishes and dirty houses, rushed schedules and exhaustion that leads us to buy fast food instead of cook a good meal until Jesus comes to take us home. But what we DON"T have to struggle with is who we are IN Christ....because He lays it out for us over and over. We just need to believe Him. Why is it so easy to believe that He will rescue us from certain eternal death by salvation, but so hard to believe that we are beautiful?!? He tells us BOTH in His Word. He speaks of our beauty in 2 Corinthians 4:16 ESV So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.
And again in Song of Solomon 4:7 ESV You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you.
1 Peter 3:3-4 ESV Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.
If we could change our perception...we would change the world. Because what I don't see when I am washing the dishes or folding laundry or staring into the abyss of a messy house, or crying in my closet because I just can't handle one more question from the girls....is God looking into my heart. He is not sitting there staring at my sink full of dishes and "tsk tsking" me....no. He is looking upon my heart and He see's His daughter whom He loves and adores and I bring Him GREAT JOY. We bring Him GREAT JOY in the midst of our messy homes, chaotic schedules, and attempts to be healthy:) We bring Him GREAT JOY because we are of GREAT WORTH. We are HIS DAUGHTERS. We will one day be clothed in complete royalty. We will be wearing a crown on our head fitting ONLY for a daughter of a KING! And we didn't earn that crown because we had a spotless house or messy one...we didn't earn that crown because of anything we did....His love is what put that crown on our heads.
Another thing I am coming to see is that my worth does not come from my marriage being perfect or my children always being obedient with never an ugly word or look, or from spending hours and hours volunteering at church or camp or anything. It comes from CHRIST. The end. That's it. It comes from CHRIST. I don't earn it. I don't "find" it. It is already there. The moment I became His daughter I was of GREAT WORTH.
He DELIGHTS in us. Now I delight in my daughters...I laugh and my heart is filled with joy when I see them having fun, I think of them constantly and wonder how their day is going, I sit back sometimes and just watch them and listen....because I "delight" in them....How much more does the Father delight in us?!?! He created us with His very breath, made us in His image and then pursued us in a continual love story. It doesn't matter whether I am the hill or the mountain. The one who tries to convince me that the mountain is worth more than the hill....is the enemy. And yet again, because of God's goodness to us, He already tells us this up front! He warns us in His Word that the enemy will try to confuse us and make us feel unworthy. The enemy will want to destroy us and put oppression on our hearts and because God is a Father who DELIGHTS in His children, He gives us weapons and tools and He teaches us how to use them to fight the enemy so that we can stand strong, brave and WORTHY....because we KNOW who we belong to and who we are in Christ. Just think how the enemy would howl if all of the daughters of the King realized their GREAT WORTH and walked in it!
Dear sister....my tired, exhausted, weary sister....You ARE of GREAT WORTH. Right now. Just as you are. You are a DELIGHT to your Father in Heaven. I'm sorry your heart is tired and I'm sorry the battle seems so long on days....but you are not alone. You are NOT a disappointment. You are NOT a failure.You are NOT ugly. You are beautiful. You are treasured. You bring a smile to the King of Kings face and a sigh of happiness from His lips. You bring joy to His eyes as He watches you throughout the day. He SINGS over you because you DELIGHT Him! So let's just try to encourage each other in believing what God says about us. Let's lay our weary hearts down and quit trying to "find" our great worth....because we already have it. We just need to own it.
