My dear friends....I have tried hard to think of a way to put into words all that is in my heart. The gratitude and humility that I have for each of you is so difficult to express....but writing is my best way to try and do it. I don't even know everyone that I am thanking....but if you have been gracious and kind to my girls and I....then this is for you.
There once was a girl.
She was just a simple country girl.
She loved climbing trees and riding horses and reading books.
She was told as far back as she can remember that she had an old soul.
And she was ok with that.
She knew she was a romantic but she just always believed that beauty wins. Love trumps all.
She grew up much quicker than she thought she would, but she had a plan. She was going to get married, have children, and live happily ever after with her husband on a simple country dirt road.
For awhile, her plan went just as she had prayed. She fell in love, married that beloved cowboy of hers, and they quickly began a family through foster care, adoption, and the beauty of birth. It was a beautiful, messy life.....but how she loved it! She stayed at home and took care of her daughters, and cherished being a wife and a mother.
And then one day....everything shattered.
Her heart stopped beating....but the world kept spinning. She couldn't catch her breath so she fell to her knees. And she couldn't get up. Her deepest fears and darkest nightmares had come true....not just for her, but for her daughters as well. They were alone. So her heart shattered and when it did, the pieces cut into her soul and the pain was so great that she did not know if she wanted to survive it.
But remember....this girl was as an old soul....and that soul still beat deep within her chest....ever so slowly....but beating none the less.
In these moments of despair and darkness....her eyes searched the darkness for truth. For a light....
At times, she would catch a glimpse of light....only to have it disappear when she tried to cling to it.
It is then that she realized....she had light inside of her.
The Light with which she desperately searched for....was within her.
So she grabbed the Word of God which revealed that light to her....and she consumed it. She was so very thirsty for its Truth....and she clung to it with her trembling heart and bruised knees.
As the Truth began to invade her heart again....the darkness began to fade.
As the darkness faded....what she saw took her breath away again.
She had never been alone. Not even for one second. She had been surrounded by some of the most beautiful and fiercest souls she could imagine. All that time that she couldn't breath and begged God to be faithful and not leave her....all those moments when she felt so utterly alone and helpless. She had been surrounded by warriors.
Warriors dressed like counselors, teachers, friends, family, pastors, and mentors....but all warriors none the less. And they had been fighting for her and her daughters when she could not do it herself. They had been standing in the gap and keeping the darkness away. Their love for this girl and her daughters crept into the spiritual and fought off the very real darkness trying to consume them. Their love for this simple country girl and her beautiful daughters brought joy back into their hearts. Their love and faithfulness to this simple country girl and her beautiful daughters brought healing and for the first time in months and months....this girl could breath again. And it was one of the most glorious, beautiful breaths she had ever taken.
Months went by and this girl and her daughters began to smile again. This girl wasn't afraid anymore. She had already faced her demons. Those horrible nightmares and fears....she faced them....and it had not destroyed her like she thought it would. In fact....it had empowered her and her daughters. They were not afraid to set boundaries anymore and stand firm on what God says because they now knew without even one doubt that they were not alone. They realized that they too were becoming warriors....or maybe they were realizing that they had been warriors all along and just never knew it.
Then along came a Christmas. That beautiful season of hope and miracles. And this simple girl wasn't sure how it would go but her heart was already so full of gratitude that she truly didn't even worry about it. She was learning that her King was such a good provider and always worked things out in ways that she couldn't even dream of....for He had already provided her and her daughters with an amazing job, a car that they loved, bills paid, and food to eat....so her heart trusted His.
But even her heart could not imagine what He had planned for her and her daughters!
The season of Christmas drew near and with each passing day, a new gift....a blessing....a beautiful peeling back of someone's heart that took time to think of this simple girl and her daughters. Each day was a gift. A surprise and a miracle. Each day this girl and her daughters were awoken with so much love from friends, family, coworkers...on and on....day after day....and their hearts were SO VERY OVERWHELMED with the love.
And something healed within their hearts through that love. They didn't even know when it happened, but it did. Because when God's Word says that," love conquers all." He means it. True, authentic love really does conquer all when you abandon yourself to it. True, authentic love conquers all when you just let go of the hurt and pain, and simply make the choice to look around you and see the beauty. Because the beauty never left....it was always there....even in the midst of the darkness. Just because we can't see the beauty at times, doesn't mean it isn't there....sometimes we just have to trust that it is.
This girl needed to learn that she did not have to do any of this alone. It was ok for her to reach out and let people know that sometimes she just wasn't ok. She needed to learn that she did not need to be perfect. She just needed to learn that it is ok to be real and raw. Always.
This girl and her daughters still have a ways to go in the healing of their soul....but they walk bravely now. With gratitude. With joy. With eyes that see the beauty. With ears that hear the music of the Father's song. And they choose joy.
From the heart of Brandi:
It is so very hard for me to express my gratitude to each one of you. Some of you I may not even know....but you have extravagantly loved my daughters and I and I am so humbled by your love for us. Being in the family of Christ means that we truly are never alone....ever. Last year at this time, I was so confused and hurt....but God never left me. He has and continues to walk with me each and every step of the way. He has used each of you to speak life into me and into my daughters. He continues to use each of you to remind me of the beauty that is always to be found, if I will just seek to find it. And I will.
I pray that God will throw open the doors of Heaven and pour out His blessing and anointing on each of you. I pray that He will fill your hearts with passion and excitement for His will and that each of you will one day see just what an impact you have had on this simple girls life.
I am humbled to be your friend.
I love you.
Thank you so deeply.
Love,
just a simple country girl,
Brandi
