But I am having to relearn what victory actually is.
Victory is a woman on her knees with tears flowing down....but hands lifted in worship.
Victory is children praying for their dad even though their hearts are so broken by him.
Victory can look like brokenness.
I mean....when Jesus was hanging on the Cross, it did not look like victory. At least not how we usually think of it....but it never once was NOT victory.
When Jesus was being whipped and beaten...it was victory.
When the crowd was yelling crucify....it was victory.
When they were mocking Jesus....it was victory.
When Jesus took His last breath....victory.
When they took His body down and lay Him down in the tomb....victory.
When the stone rolled away...VICTORY!!
I think of Joseph....who was sold by his sibling into human trafficking....and it was victory.
Who was lied about and tossed into a prison....it was victory.
Or the disciples....who were murdered in terrible ways for placing their faith in Jesus....and yet....it was victory!
HOW CAN THIS BE?
Because my friend....we serve a God who is VICTORIOUS! I have been thinking a lot about this because a friend recently called me out on something I said about always feeling broken....and she challenged me to take a deeper look at that through the lens of Scripture....so I have. And I was wrong. I absolutely had the wrong view on that! If God is sovereign... and He is...and Scripture is true...which it is....then everything I am walking through is for my good. Everything Joseph went through was for his good. Everything Jesus went through was for our good. Everything the disciples went through was for their good....and everything I am walking is for my good. It has always been for my good. That has never changed. Not once.
What changes is my feelings. Circumstances and choices of others and just sin....can make me "feel" certain things....like anything BUT victorious. But that is because I am using an earthly mindset when dealing with spiritual things.
My husbands rejection of me did not change God's view on me one bit. My identity did not change....but my feelings did. God still saw me as a priceless daughter of great worth....but I no longer saw me that way. My purpose did not disappear just because my husband did....my purpose is written on the very tablets of Heaven! But my feelings about my purpose changed....I no longer felt like I had a purpose. I had built the last few years of my marriage on fighting FOR my marriage and standing firm against the enemy who was AGAINST my marriage and when my husband left for good that time....I thought he took my purpose and calling with him. That was a lie.
I want to quote my friend here for a minute because God used her words to penetrate right through the lies I was believing just like His Word promises that it does in Hebrews 4:12.
She said to me," Your soul may hurt, but that is NOT who you are! You are who God says you are. Period. You are a spiritual being having a human experience. NOT a human having a spiritual experience. Your soul may hurt, but your soul was designed to submit to the Spirit. You are already healed and whole. You are NOT a victim. You are victorious! You are chosen. You are NOT rejected. Shift your identity back to WHO YOU REALLY ARE....and walk Victorious!"
She is right. And I am grateful for friends who are much wiser than I am :)
The truth is....it hurt me when my husband walked away from me. It can still hurt when I let my mind think on it....but that rejection does not have to have authority in my life. I can walk confidently as a daughter of the King of kings! Not one time during this has God wondered what was coming next
or how this was going to end....God sees into the very deepest parts of my heart...and my husbands heart. God has written my name on His hand....I am on His heart every moment of every day. He looks with tenderness on my daughters and I, even as we process through all of the different emotions that come with this journey. I am able to choose joy each day because I have the spirit of Christ living in me...and so do my girls.
We are processing through this whole thing DIFFERENTLY than the world around us. I am determined not to let bitterness or anger take root in me. I want to love. I want to see even those that hurt me through the eyes of Jesus. I have to fight for that eyesight sometimes! I have to remind myself that God is in control and that all of this is for my good! Nothing has changed. Even though everything has changed....does that make sense? God is still on His throne. God is still directing and guiding my path. God is still fighting on behalf of my girls and I. God fully accepts and adores us. His Word is true.
What a beautiful thing to surrender a broken heart and know that even in the brokenness....there is victory. I still have a lot to learn about true victory...and my true identity. So victory may look very, very different than what I think it should. It might look like a broken marriage and lots of tear stained pages in a journal. It might look like being thrown into a pit and sold into slavery. It might look like a cross with a King nailed to it. It might look like a stone rolled away!!! It might look like a smile on my face even if tears still stain my cheeks. And I am grateful. I am humbled to live this journey out....even all the hard parts. Each part is teaching me more and more about my Father....and I am more convinced than every before that my GOD REIGNS!
~Victory in Jesus, my savior forever. He sought me and bought me with His redeeming blood!~
Praise God for HIS VICTORY! I pray I keep learning more...and more...and never stop learning of His precious promises and precious love for His children!
I AM VICTORIOUS.
MY GIRLS ARE VICTORIOUS.
YOU ARE VICTORIOUS!
This video shows the brokenness of life...and the Victory of Jesus BECAUSE of that brokenness. How I pray that God will continue to change my eyesight for His and that He will continue to peel back the veil so that I can see through every pain...that it is for my good. VICTORY IN JESUS! ALWAYS.
