Being a single mom was never on my radar.
I had some friends that were single moms....but not once actually understood what they were going through....until I became one of them.
Life is funny like that....so many times we may "sympathize" with something but unless we walk it ourselves, we cannot "empathize" with their story.
I have been a single mom for a few years now....and at first, I was certain I wouldn't make it. I felt SO stressed every single second of every single day! Absolute truth. I thought I would die. It may sound dramatic....but I am being completely honest. Some night I wasn't sure I wanted to make it to the next day. I was dealing with incredibly deep grief and didn't even know how to express my pain. I had felt betrayed, abandoned, and so embarrassed and ashamed. I had fought so hard for my marriage and truly believed that God was going to redeem it....and He didn't.
I think I felt more betrayed by God than anyone.
And I found myself a single mom.
I didn't know what to do.
I didn't know how to handle the stress that I was now under.
I felt like I had lost everything.
My marriage was destroyed.
My relationship with my in-laws who I thought loved me as family was crumbling.
I was a homeschooling mom who needed to put her children in public school now which to me felt like I was losing even more.
I was no longer a stay at home mom and wife....I was needing to figure out how to navigate the work force and become a career woman now....something that terrified me in every way.
I needed to learn how to budget on a minuscule budget and I needed to learn how to do things alone. I felt the weight of the world on me.
What did I fear?
I feared making the wrong choice for my family.
I feared not being "enough" in any area...financially, physically, spiritually, and emotionally.
I feared being alone at night.
I feared raising my girls without a dad...I had read all the statistics and knew that it would make them have a greater risk for being abused among other things.
I feared something happening to me and no one to take care of my girls the way I would.
I feared....alot.
During this whole time I believed that God was with me. I believed that He was going to help me....but I still feared alot.
And now here we are a few years down the road....and a corona virus on our hands. Which could mean more fear for some of us single moms.....so I want to give a word of encouragement to those of you who are walking this road as a single parent right now.
Here are 5 practical things that helped me push through my fear and into my faith.
1. Stay in the Word of God. Even when you are mad at God. Even when you don't know where to start or what to read. Even when you aren't sure if you believe it....keep reading it.
2. Stay connected. You will want to isolate. You will want to stop going to church. Stay connected. Find a church that you feel safe in and go even when you cry all the time. Keep going.
3. Get in counseling. You need to be able to talk about what happened to you. You need to have someone help you walk through the grief you will experience. The first year is especially cruel because you experience all the "first" events alone....birthdays, holidays, anniversary....and they can cripple you. Talking about it helps but it needs to be in a safe environment.
4. Get some fresh air and drink water. I'm not even kidding....it may sound weird but I promise that fresh air and water are going to help you. Take a walk each day if you can...even if only for 10 minutes. Set small goals of being healthy such as taking a small walk every day, drinking water every day, eating fruit instead of sugar. These may already be a part of your every day life or they may not be, but if you will make them a priority, it will help your soul breathe and take away a tiny bit of stress each day.
5. DO NOT GET INTO ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP FOR AT LEAST A YEAR. This may not be popular, but my friends let me tell you that I think it is vital. You need to heal and temptation will come because you are lonely and it may seem like a really good idea to quickly get into another relationship....I promise it can wait. I promise if that is the person that God has for you...they will happily wait at least a year for you to heal. When you walk through trauma, you are vulnerable to many dangers and could easily slip into a relationship that "looks good" but isn't going to be good and you don't need more trauma....you will feel so lonely at times but God wants to meet you in that loneliness. When you are so lonely, put on that worship music, grab your Bible and journal and cry out to God. Don't be afraid to be alone. I can attest that God WILL MEET YOUR LONELY HEART. He will be so gentle with it and pour His healing Word into that broken heart and you will begin to heal...but to do that we have to let Him have our hurt instead of us try to cover it up quickly with another relationship. I have seen far to many women jump quickly into another relationship and they haven't allowed their hearts to heal so they bring alot of brokenness with them into that relationship or they accept behavior that they shouldn't because they are just afraid of being alone. It takes courage to be alone and know that God will take care of you....but you can do it! I promise you can.
I can tell you that I have learned SO MUCH in these last few years about myself, my faith, and my God. I have seen the darkest parts of myself and I have seen many weaknesses in my life....but I have also grown in ways that would never have happened unless I had been stripped bare.
The last thing I want to share with you is this: YOU ARE NOT ALONE. You are a part of a single mom community who are here to hep you...step by step navigate through this new world. We are cheering for you and consider it a joy to be a part of your tribe. Single mom's are some of the toughest women I know....and definitely some of the bravest. You may not feel that way right now....but you are.
