Grief is a mysterious thing. It comes with a high price that requires everything you have inside of you.
It feels like a great fog has come over you.
It changes you.
It rewires you.
It grows you.
It gives to you...
The things my sadness has given me are...
1. Awareness of how joy and grief are mingled together in a beautiful tapestry of grace. I have walked through immense sadness and have felt the pain of bleeding in your soul. But it has heightened my awareness of beauty and joy around me. I tend to laugh more and find joy in even the most boring of days. Joy is something I pursue with great intention because grief will find all of us at some point in our lives, but joy...that must be pursued. So, I intentionally pursue joy in each day.
2. A deep empathy for others walking through their own hard chapters. I tend to always see people around me through the lens of what life has required of them so far. The sadness that I have walked through has given me a deep longing to hear the stories of others and connect with them through sadness. I am not afraid of the silence that resides in those of us who have walked through great grief. I will sit in it with you. Silent. I know sometimes the heart speaks in a language human ear's do not hear...but only the Holy Spirit who groans on our behalf of the great grief that has touched us. And He draws close to us in that grief. Therefore, I will draw close to others who walk through great grief, unafraid of their pain or anger, knowing that God is close to us.
3. Sadness has also given me this ability to see beauty all around me in some of the simplest things like the way the sun hits a dog's fur on a warm summer day, or the way a song can bring about a favorite memory. Beauty surrounds me through light and music, and I see it every day woven together through the sad eyes of the parents at the hospital, or the brokenness inside of a woman's cry. The way a teenager tries so hard to be brave when they are dying inside, and the way a man's eyes try to hide the heaviness he carries inside of his soul are all things I notice every day. When I walk by strangers, their sadness touches me and reminds that we are all human and trying our best in a broken world. We are all longing to be loved, seen and heard in a world that ignores the loudest and most silent of pains...our grief.
Sadness has given me a lot actually. And I am thankful for its gift. Without sadness, I would not be able to acknowledge fully grace, beauty and the strength that lies within me to keep moving forward. Reaching...at times crawling...toward that goal of seeing Jesus' face to face and hearing, "Well Done my good and faithful servant".
Grief has made me braver and bolder in my love towards others.
Grief has extended my knowledge of grace and my understanding of patience.
Grief has expanded my reasoning of anger and the neuroscience behind understanding how grief affects the brain.
I am thankful for what grief has and continues to teach me.
I am thankful that even in the darkest grief...God is there.
I am thankful that no matter how dark the night might become...light will break through. No matter how thick the fog of grieve may be...music and light will find their way into the grief-stricken soul and if one will sit with it long enough.... unafraid...the healing will come. Joy DOES come in the morning. The grief does not go away, but instead, it becomes interwoven with who we have become because of it. So dear friend.... if you find yourself fighting back the tears and heaviness of grief...I see you.
Take a deep breath. Place your hand on your heart. Remember that your heart beats to the rhythm of purpose. Grief may have taken away your breath for a bit...I know it did mine...but our hearts still beat my friends.
Open your eyes and look around.
Listen close.
Grief has given you a gift.
There is beauty still to be found.
A glorious unfolding all around us!
