God's Promises-Can they really be trusted?

" Your daughter had another rage." " Your not my REAL mom!" " You were never my REAL family!" " This is the worst family in the whole world!" " You have never loved us."

What does your heart do when those words are spoken? What do you feel? Do we cry because their heart is hurting? Do we yell and scream because we feel so helpless?...WHAT DO WE DO?!?

          These are questions that I ask myself daily as do many, many other families. Many of us deal with children who rage on a daily basis and may of us deal with hurting hearts that are aching for acceptance and feeling whole and like they belong and no matter how much we love, no matter how much we forgive or teach or hug or listen...those hearts still feel hurt inside.... and it can feel so helpless at times so today I want to offer HOPE! What a beautiful word that is...HOPE! Many times we face things as parents that "seem" to have no good outcome. The "situation" we are in or the "issues" we face seem daunting and impossible...but they are not my friend. 

           God promises us several things as parents. When I am on my knees crying out to God because "this time" it is just TO MUCH...He brings me to these promises and with them comes that beautiful hope. I want to share these promises with you my friends because we all face things in our life every single day that "seem" to be hopeless, overwhelming, exhausting, and more, but things are rarely if ever what they "seem" because all of those feelings leave out God...who is a God of HOPE! Not despair. Not exhaustion. Not hopelessness. But a God of Hope! 

                First things first: Psalm 42:5 " Why are you downcast O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God."  How does one," put their hope in God" exactly? How do we let go of the situation, issue, problem...and put our hope in God? It sounds so easy but I have struggled more with putting my hope in Him than with any other thing I believe!  I am going to give you the top five promises of God that I cling to daily. He has many, many more but maybe these five will give you the hope you need to just get through this day...and the next.

             SO here is the first promise...Psalm 147:11 The Lord delights in those who fear Him, who put their hope in His unfailing love. He promises to delight in those of us who put our hope in HIS UNFAILING LOVE....the promise of HIS UNFAILING LOVE is pretty amazing! His love NEVER fails...not when we are at our weakest, not when we are at our most exhausted...not even when we are filled with hopelessness....it NEVER fails. We can count on that. We can stand on that. We can put our HOPE in that promise.

           Promise number 2: Isaiah 40:31..."Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength." That weary feeling...that exhaustion...how I know it well! But we can stand on the promise that even though we may "feel" like we cannot take one. more. step....He promises us that our strength will be renewed. So many times we need to take a minute to go be by ourselves...and become renewed. I have hidden myself in the closet many times just because it is quiet and away and I need to talk to God there! My girls know now that when I go into the closet, it is serious time between me and God:)It's a good thing to teach our children to take time away from everything and everybody to spend time with Jesus. Don't be afraid to do this! Jesus taught us this Himself by getting away at times to pray. We as moms our the worst about taking that time for ourselves because we ALWAYS have something pressing to do but I am learning that by not taking that time with Him, I am robbing myself and my family of my strength being renewed. When you are exhausted and weary...go...be with Him. Grab your Bible and spend time with Him. He WILL renew you! He promises.

              Promise number 3 is one of my favorites: 2 Peter 1:4 " Through these He has given us His very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires."...oh how precious is this! That we may "participate" in the divine nature! That word "participate" means to be actively involved...to be DOING! TO be 100% included...in the DIVINE nature. But it doesn't stop there...it continues by telling us that through His promises we can escape the corruption in the world. He can teach us to be " in" but not "of". 

              Promise number 4: Jeremiah 29:11 " For I KNOW the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you HOPE and a future." I know that most of us know this verse by heart but I have really struggled with this verse sometimes because honestly there are many times when I don't see the Hope, the future, the prospering, the protection...and I question God as to how serious He is about this promise! So while researching this verse I found out that this promise comes after Israel had been in captivity for 70 years!! That is a long time friends! Sometimes when we are walking through a season of hardship, sorrow, or hopelessness, it seems to take FOREVER to get through but we have His promise that it will end. And a new season will begin. A season of Jeremiah 29:11. 

         And promise number 5: Romans 8: 37-39 " No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. 38. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither heights nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." There are so many promises wrapped up in this verse! In those moments when we feel alone and are certain with every fiber that no one understand what we are going through...we can stand on this promise. NOTHING will separate us from the love of God. We are MORE than conquerors....not just a conqueror...but MORE than that! We have hope. This is the perfect verse to insert all your problems, all your issues, all your struggles...and say out loud that you are MORE than a conqueror in those things and that you are not alone. You cannot be separated from the love of God. So many times we let our feelings dictate our joy for the day. I know I let my situation decided how I face the day...with hope or with stress. But God's word tells us that we can face each and every day with hope. 

                 I have also learned that facing a day with hope does not mean that we will be jumping up and down with hands clapping every time we face something hard! That is not what the word hope means. Hearing any of the words that I started this blog with can be hurtful and painful. They can hurt your spirit. Feelings of failure can reach up and try to strangle you...but instead of letting those thoughts fill our heads and heart and steal our hope away...stand on these promises. If you need to cry...cry. If you need to question...question. God loves when we seek Him and search for Him...Give yourself grace to cry out to your Father in the middle of that frustration and then KNOW that He has heard you. You are not alone. I have had many beautiful moments with my King when my heart has been so heavy and the tears won't stop because I do not know what to do next...so I seek. I search. I grab His Word and I find Him. 

                 I said from the beginning that this blog is about our real life and let me tell you, sometimes our life is hard! Sometimes the frustration of trying to bond with someone that will push you away every chance they can, becomes exhausting. Sometimes the yells and the screams and the hurt that comes from being abused is overwhelming. Sometimes the fear that you are doing everything wrong can be crippling...I have been in every bit of those moments. And still are at times. But I have also seen my God reach through my fear, block out the screams, knock away the exhaustion and bring HOPE. Even when others don't see it...it is there. Even when you don't see it...it is there. It is a promise. If I could leave you with one last thing it is this...read God's Word. Hunger for it. Thirst for it. Desire it. Long for it. Many times when we are in our most desperate moments, we search Dr. Phil, or google, or anything but His Word. God's Word is just that...the words, the thoughts, the heart of the King of Kings. The breath of the Great I Am! Let Him breathe it over you as you read it...God's Word is our key to Hope! I pray that as you read this, you will find that you are not alone and that maybe by now, you are feeling a little better than when you first started reading it. Not because of what I have said, but because God's Word is in here and it renews you. There is an old hymn that is very beautiful if you read the words...          " Standing on the promises I cannot fall,

                                                Listening every moment to the Spirit’s call
                                               Resting in my Savior as my all in all,

                                               Standing on the promises of God.
                                      

Mother's Day redemption

So today is Mother's Day and I have been pondering what it means to be a mom.....
   

     Let me back up a bit and start with this...I have always dreamed of being a mom. I dreamed of having late night chats with my beautiful family. I dreamed of sitting by the fire or around the piano singing Christmas songs together, I dreamed of praying over each other and speaking only kind and beautiful words...my house was always clean. My world was always running on track. My children were always loving and my husband would dote on me with the love of Christ daily. That was it. That would be my world....I just knew it. I mean God wanted wonderful and good things for me and that dream sounded pretty darn wonderful! But I forgot to account for sin. I forgot to account for brokenness. I forgot to account for hurting hearts....but I would soon learn. 

           When my husband and I first got married, I had amazing dream. I have always been a BIG dreamer. I hate the word, " Give up", and I can be fiercely loyal...so it was all going to be perfect...right?!? Shortly after we were married I began to notice that my perfect husband wasn't so perfect after all...he did things that would drive me nuts, he didn't always put me first every day, and sometimes I was pretty sure we were from completely different planets! But never fear! My fierce loyalty would get us through and I knew just what we needed to make that perfect family dream come back...children! So a mere 9 months after we said," I do", we found ourselves looking at the option of adopting our niece who was 4 1/2 at the time and had some serious physical and mental handicaps. But that didn't deter me...I mean this was JUST what we needed to make our family "perfect". I would be the perfect mom and JT the perfect dad...everything would be...well...perfect. Except for yet again...I forgot to account for all the brokenness and all the hurt. You see our niece had been badly abused and was going to be dealing with the consequence of that abuse for the rest of her life...but I didn't go down that road. I just knew that once she was in our home, everything would be...perfect.
          Perfect. Even the word makes me shudder now...it holds nothing for me but bondage. That tiny little word trapped me into believing that if everything wasn't "perfect", than I was a bad mom and a bad wife. I was a failure. I still believe that little, tiny word entraps women every day...we are taught by the world at a very young age to be perfect. The perfect size, the perfect house, the perfect family...you know exactly what I am talking about don't you! God was about to take that word and use it to turn my whole life upside down and it wasn't going to take days or months...it was a going to be a life long worth of adventures....and I had no idea.
            So back to my "perfect" world....Our niece was living with us and we began the adoption process. I was 20 and my husband was 21. I longed to give birth to children from as far back as I can remember and so expected to get pregnant right way and have many amazing, healthy children...but yet again...God had other plans. My heart began to break piece by piece, month after month that I did not get pregnant. I didn't understand...this was NOT how it was suppose to go! I had prepared my whole life to be a mom...to have children. SO why couldn't I? I poured out my heart to God daily...begging Him over and over to let me have a child...but year after year went by without me conceiving...so just 2 years after getting married, adopting our niece, having our first house burn down, buying some land and moving a trailer on to it...we began to foster. My heart had been drawn to foster from an extremely young age mainly because my parents were foster parents from the time I was two and I saw the difference they made and I too wanted to make a difference in the lives of hurting children....I wanted to be the hero! We filled our home very quickly with children of all ages, disabilities, race, and abusive backgrounds...all the while my heart still longed to give birth...but it seemed like that was never meant to be. 
           We fostered for six years and in that time we had 21 children come and go. We rocked them, We prayed over them, We  fought for them in court and did everything in our power to make sure that their lives were good and beautiful. We went to counseling and doctor visits, court appearances, visitations with birth family members, and I started seeing that God had a different plan for us than the one in my mind. I began to see that sometimes you have to let your dreams die...yes...I said die. They have to be laid to rest, given up,...die...so that God can replace them with HIS dreams and HIS plans for you. My perfect world was no more...my house was a wreck...we had holes in the wall from children raging, we had broken candles and glass items glued back together for the 100th time after a child threw it in a fit, our yard started looking like the local junk yard and the laundry...oh the LAUNDRY!!!
           My husband and I had very little to no time alone and our marriage was starting to struggle. And then...a beautiful thing happened...I started having stomach and pains went to the hospital to hear the most beautiful words," You are pregnant!"...to be followed by the most terrible words," You are miscarrying."....What?! How could this be? Why? My heart felt shattered. I was told to go home and see if my body would miscarry on it's own...I have never felt so betrayed in my life! My very own body was betraying me in the most horrible of ways and I was faced with the decision to trust my God who continually kept throwing wrinkles in MY plans...or to become bitter and angry. My heart was very broken but I knew enough of God's heart to know that He promises good things for me and He has never let me down, no matter what...so I trusted. I gave up my desires and my dreams. They had to die. It started to feel like I was having to die to a dream every day....and it hurt.
              Shortly after this, my husband and I felt very clear leading from the Holy Spirit to adopt four of our foster daughters who had been with us for a few years now and so we began the long process of adoption. In the middle of that we found out we were pregnant again and this time it could not have been more beautiful. And I gave birth to a beautiful tiny daughter named Mercy...because God had Mercy on me... five years later I was also given the blessing of giving birth to our beautiful baby girl Gracie...because God again had given me grace. I think part of me began to think," Hey, I can still turn this around! I can still make us the perfect family!"...oh when would I learn!!! 

                We began to see some major behavior problems out of our children...I mean we were in counseling weekly with each girl not to mention daily having to try to answer the "why" questions that they threw at me moment by moment..." Why did my family not fight for me?", "Why did they choose that over me?", " Why wasn't I good enough for them?", " Why did they hurt me like this?"...it never ended!! Many nights I would collapse into bed with a migraine so intense I couldn't even see straight because my head was constantly trying to "FIX" all this hurt around me. We were having major problems with getting the girls to bond with us and each other...and our marriage was struggling due to exhaustion and stress...most of which came from me because I needed everyone to stay " perfect".
               God began to speak to my heart about being a mom. Being a wife. Being HIS DAUGHTER! I had to give up everything...again...all the dreams, all the plans...again. So fast forward a few years and many broken dreams later and we are here. In this moment. Today. And you know what...it's actually a beautiful place to be. My marriage had to nearly end for me to see how much damage I was doing with my desire for "perfection". I had to get to a place where all I wanted to do was run away, to see what I had. I needed to let every dream die. Every plan. Every desire. I had to surrender ALL...why does that sound so easy? That is the hardest thing I can think of...surrendering your all...when we like to be in control. We like to know how the bills are getting paid, we like to have our house in order in case friends stop by, we like to know that our children will grow up and love Jesus and become world changers! But that is not what it means to be a mom. Nope...not at all. Being a mom is about the unknown! If ever there is job with potential for disaster.... it's being a mom! And you know what...that is a beautiful place to be. 

                I am learning every day that being a mom is about surrendering your all every day. I have went from waking up in the morning with my to do list ready to go...to waking up in the morning asking God to help me worship Him through today...with whatever it holds.  Being a mom means that my children may not say or do what I think they should...it means they make a decision that hurts my heart. Being His daughter means that my husband may choose to do something that I feel is wrong. It means that I am NOT IN CONTROL!!
             We still have bonding issues in our family, we still have broken glass and a yard that needs mowing, we still have laundry..ALOT of laundry...and we still have arguments in our marriage. We still have children, now teens, who rage and ask us the same " why" questions that have been asked for so many years....but now...we have grace. For once in my life, I am no longer in bondage to that dreaded word," perfection"! For once in my life, I am seeing such beauty in the broken. I love broken people. I do.
             I love to see what God does with the broken...I have never seen such beauty as I do when I see a broken person, bound in sin and hurt, set free. I am drawn to these hurting people because they are me. I don't want anyone to feel the bondage that comes from the word," perfect"...because we are not a perfect people. We haven't been since the moment that Eve decided to take that first bite. But we are a redeemed people. We are able to love when the world says hate, we are able to stay when the world says run, we are able to forgive when the world says revenge...not because we are so great...but because the One IN us is great! 
             It is time to dance. It is time to praise! It is time to sing! With the broken decor, with the holes in the wall, with the grass that needs mowing, and with the rages...just the other day, our daughter had another rage and as she was throwing glass and screaming at us, the Holy Spirit was speaking to my heart and I just kept asking Him to teach me how to worship Him WITH this...not through it...but WITH it. I want my life to be worship. I want to die to MY dreams and desires every day so that HIS will replace them. 
     Being a birth mom is not easy. Being an adoptive mom is not easy. Being a foster mom is not easy...but we can live our lives in His grace. We can hold to the TRUTH of the PROMISE that," Love conquers ALL!" We can throw away all those images and expectations of "perfection" and instead just let God live through us. It is not easy and requires us to daily submit to HIS plans and sometimes, well most times, we not told what that plan is...we are just shown the first step to take. That's it. And we need to be brave enough friends to take that step. Just that first step. He will show us the next step after the first one...and pretty soon...we will look back and see how all those steps led us into beautiful ashes of grace. The broken and hurt dreams have been replaced with grace and forgiveness. The blackened ashes have turned into redeemed beauty! 
            I have six amazing girls now. I have a husband that I love. I have a home that is filled with emotion of all kind...and I live in grace every day. I don't have the "perfect" anything. Not one thing in my life is perfect. And I am so thankful! I will cherish every single broken prayer, I will cling to each laugh and giggle, and I will stand in awe of all the broken moments that have led me here...to the heart of my King. The place where the broken find healing. The place where those in bondage are set free...

       I pray this Mother's day  you will stop and take a deep breath. Let it out slowly and look around you and see what God sees...just for a moment. He doesn't see the laundry or the dirty dishes or the mismatched furniture...He sees beauty in the broken. He sees the redeemed. He sees His heirs to the kingdom! We are only here for a moment...a mere whisper...and I want that whisper to matter! I want that moment to be spent praising...not worrying. Dancing...not stressing. Cherishing....not bitter. 
          I have SO much to learn about being a mom...being His daughter! But I am loving the freedom that comes from the ashes.The joy of seeing myself as HE sees me! My friends...my prayer is that you too will learn to see the beauty in the broken. Let us all give up that dreaded word," perfection"...and let us adopt forever a new word...Redeemed! Isn't that a beautiful word?! May this Mother's Day be filled with His redemption in your life!
                                                       His servant,
                                                                      Brandi