Brandi Shearer Testimony on TBN-Praise the Lord Program

When being a mom is overwhelming....

        So here's the deal...and here's my heart....every day I struggle with feeling like my life is just one mess up after the next when it comes to parenting. In today's world it is SO hard to be a parent....judgement comes at you from every direction no matter what you do. I face battles of feeling like as a parent, I am an epic failure....and I have a lot of reasons to "feel" this way.  So each day I struggle....I cry out to God  every day for one reason or another pertaining to being a mom.
         This season has been especially hard. And yet again I am left with what to do...where to land....and I choose to land on truth. I choose to fight the lies that are told to me every day and instead speak loudly the truth of God's Word to myself! We are NOT bad moms! We are NOT failures and we are NOT terrible for not wanting to come out of the bedroom sometimes! We are human. Simply put....just human. We make mistakes and our children may end up in places that we don't want or like....but ultimately they get to make their choices just like we do. We surrender each day to the King...the Creator of that day....and we live it to the best we can with the Holy Spirit's help residing within us. We don't give up. We give ourselves grace....imagine that! Just imagine if we truly lived our life with grace to ourselves! I am still trying to figure this out because I can feel so judged by people around me who know if  "they" raised my daughters they would have turned out perfect! I feel judgement when people offer their "good advice" or "wisdom" to me at the exact moment that I am barely holding on.....and it chips away at my heart....piece by piece...until all I want to do is curl up and cry deep, long sobs, because we are trying! We want to be good moms and we want to change the world one little heartbeat at a time and we want the cycle of abuse from birth parents to be broken and we want the hurts and pains our children bear to be surrendered to the healing power of Christ and we want more than anything for our children to fall in love with Jesus and we desire to parent them with just the right amount of toughness and grace, giving them a good foundation on which to stand....and we doubt ourselves of the ability to do this every single day.
          So what does God say about how we parent. For just a moment, let's strip away everything we feel right now and everything we have heard about us as parents, wives, and humans....and let's go crawl up in our Father's arms and curl up there and take a giant, huge, big sigh..............and just listen to what HE says of us right now. Let His words gently wash over you just as though He is smoothing your hair away from your tear filled eyes....and close your eyes.....and just listen to His deep, gentle voice....rolling like a soft thunder over you....speaking words of life back into your weary heart....

     My Child, You are NOT a failure. I formed you in the womb, knitting you together just for this job. Even then, I began to weave into your being exactly what you would need for this job. I gave you that tender heart that weeps so easily....I gave you that toughness that will not be moved. I wove together the fabric of your heart that would be able to multi task and handle all the juggling of so many task at once. I have told you ..." But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.” James 1:5...and you my daughter have asked. You have come to me and I have seen you as you have fallen to your knees over and over asking me for wisdom....and I have given it. You know deep in your heart my daughter that you are doing what I have asked you to do in Proverbs 22:6, " to train up a child in the way he should go"....and you are doing this. I do not expect you to be perfect sweet daughter! I sent my son Jesus to cover all sins and He did....so I no longer look at you and see sin, but all I see is a beautiful daughter who is doing what I have asked. I know you are weary....I see it in the way you hold your head and rub your eyes with your hand....I feel it when you hold your breath and pray you are not messing this up. 

You are not. You are not giving yourself enough grace....and if I can give it to you...why can you not give it to yourself? Trust me my love....you are doing exactly what I want you to be doing. You are giving of yourself and you are seeking and you are worshipping me with each prayer you pray, each tear you wipe, each heart you soothe, and each moment of complete surrender to me...that is all I have ever wanted from you. These children I have placed in your care....I would never have entrusted them to you if I was not completely confident in you teaching them and training them exactly like I wanted you to...I do not expect perfection. That is from the enemy. He uses it to hold you in bondage and to bring shame and panic to your heart. Don't let him daughter. With every lie he tells you, I want you to replace it with MY truth. My truth is so powerful that when you speak it out loud to the lies....the lie loses all of its power. My daughter....don't let the lies hold power over you! Know that when I look at you....my heart is delighted! I love watching the way you pray over your children. I love watching you plan for your family and I love watching you serve them. I love when the Holy Spirit makes you strong just when you think you are completely out of strength...and I just....love you. I love you because you are mine. You are my most beloved. And you have done well my daughter. You. have. done. well. This is truth....for I AM TRUTH...so trust me daughter....trust in my heart. I am FOR you. Just rest in me. Open your hands...your heart....in complete surrender to MY TRUTHS of you. Read them. Soak them in. Meditate on them always. And just be my love. Just be here with me and listen.....I AM singing over you right now. I AM sending warrior angels to fight on your behalf. I AM even now bringing peace to your weary and troubled heart....I AM because YOU ARE MINE and I cherish you. I am here....right here....

Father's Day blessing

      So for Father's Day I wanted to write something about each of the men in my life who have made a difference but for me that would take forever because I have been truly blessed with many godly men in my life so I will narrow this down to three...my dad. My father-in-law. My husband. For these three deserve a shout-out to them:)
   

     My dad: My dad has always been my hero. When I was a little girl, I wanted to marry someone just like him and be just like my mom because to me they were just that awesome:) My dad loved my mom in a gentle way that taught me alot about how to love and be loved one day. My dad continues to teach me that prayer is powerful and to take everything before Christ and to be fully surrendered to the Holy Spirit which lives inside of me. My dad has taught me how to be determined and never give up...how to love when it would be easier to hate....how to open God's Word and study it....My dad has taught me how to be silent when it would be easier to say a mouthfull! My dad has taught me how to cherish the little moments and learn how to be content with what I have instead of always wishing for more. My dad has taught me how to ride a horse and get back on when I got bucked off...which happened WAY to much in my life;) My dad has taught me to live a life that is IN the world but not OF it and he has taught me that by example. He has walked no easy journey as a foster/adoptive dad and I am sure there were many, many moments when it would have just been easier to run...but he stayed. He loved. He forgave. He always welcomes back....I am so grateful that I have always had the oppotunity to watch Christ lived out for me and because of that it has always been easy for me to understand the Father's love for me....because my dad lives out to me every day.

My father-in-law: My father-in-law has walked through fire with our family. He has supported us when it would have been easier to ignore us and the issues of our life:) I know that he has prayed for us with a deep intensity. I know that he as wept for us. I have seen a deep love for his family show on his face through tears as he watched his son struggle. I have heard him pray from his heart as he is burdened for his family and longs for all of his children and grandchildren and now great grandchildren to walk with Christ. I have heard him admit his weakeness and I have seen how much his son loves him. He has always treated me as a daughter and has been there for our family in some dark moments. I have seen him weep with sorrow at the loss of his grandchildren and for the hurt his daughters were feeling. He is a quite man and doesn't always have alot to say but I have learned much from him already. I have seen him love the simple things in life and find joy in fishing, hunting, being outdoors, and visiting his family in Pennsyvania. I have watched the tender way he took care of his mother-in-law as he moved her into his home during her last moments here before she went home. I am grateful for his role in my husbands life and mine. God continues to grow him and change him and that is a beautiful thing to watch:)

My husband: Two years ago on Father's Day I wasn't certain that my husband would ever get it together and if we would even be together....but then I watched in breathless wonder as slowly....bit by bit....my husband surrendered his will to the will of the Father. Today, two years later....I am married to a very different man. I watch him pray over our daughters and my hearts swells. I hear him teach the girls how to be brave enough to say when you are wrong and how to ask for forgiveness. I watch him speak truth into other mens lives...even hard truth....and I am reminded of just how far God has brought this man of mine:) I have seen my husband with hands lifted in surrender to the King singing at the top of his lungs and it still brings me to tears. I have watched as his eyes has filled with tears over what God has and is doing in his life. I have seen him hold babies that the world had discarded and cry as they were sent back to a home that wasn't safe. I have seen him struggle, fall, and get back up and start again. I have seen him step out of the boat of comfort and into the waters of faith and I am so grateful that together we get to walk on water each day in faith. I have watched him turn from sin and humble himself to Christ and because of that I have seen the Holy Spirit fill him as he walks each day in surrender and I have seen the diiference in a man who avoided accountability into a man who invites accountability into his life as he is sharpened by other men in his life. I have seen him cry, pray, love, laugh, be crazy goofy with his girls, and study intensely as he takes on this new journey of schooling as he pursues God's calling on his life. I have watched him run from his anointing and calling for years....to complete surrender to his calling. I continue to watch him as he cares more about our daughter's holiness, than their happiness. I have went from a wife who avoided his leading, to a wife that is honored to be led by him. The journey has been one that has taught me more about trusting the Father's heart than any other journey I have been on...but I would never want to walk any other journey because this journey is what has drawn me closer to the heart of Christ and my husband...and for that I am grateful. When God formed our family, He knew exactly what the journey would be....and He formed our family anyway. He knew that our daughters would need to see love and forgiveness lived out really loud and He already knew that my husband would surrender to Him and that our daughters would see that lived out and it was exactly what they would need to walk through. I am grateful for my husband as a leader of our family and as a daddy for our six daughters...and I am grateful that he isn't afraid to live out his walk...struggles and all....in front of them...for that gives them the grace they need to follow that example.

 
So today...as I sit and think of the men in my life....I am grateful. Not every one has men who walk bravely and lead fiercely.....but I pray even now as you read this that you know with no doubt that you have a Heavenly Father who fights for you, defends you, and who longs for a relationship with you...and because He is such a good Father...He will always pursue you....no matter how dark your road, or how fast you run, or how long you run....He is there....loving you at your darkest.