So here's the deal...and here's my heart....every day I struggle with feeling like my life is just one mess up after the next when it comes to parenting. In today's world it is SO hard to be a parent....judgement comes at you from every direction no matter what you do. I face battles of feeling like as a parent, I am an epic failure....and I have a lot of reasons to "feel" this way. So each day I struggle....I cry out to God every day for one reason or another pertaining to being a mom.
This season has been especially hard. And yet again I am left with what to do...where to land....and I choose to land on truth. I choose to fight the lies that are told to me every day and instead speak loudly the truth of God's Word to myself! We are NOT bad moms! We are NOT failures and we are NOT terrible for not wanting to come out of the bedroom sometimes! We are human. Simply put....just human. We make mistakes and our children may end up in places that we don't want or like....but ultimately they get to make their choices just like we do. We surrender each day to the King...the Creator of that day....and we live it to the best we can with the Holy Spirit's help residing within us. We don't give up. We give ourselves grace....imagine that! Just imagine if we truly lived our life with grace to ourselves! I am still trying to figure this out because I can feel so judged by people around me who know if "they" raised my daughters they would have turned out perfect! I feel judgement when people offer their "good advice" or "wisdom" to me at the exact moment that I am barely holding on.....and it chips away at my heart....piece by piece...until all I want to do is curl up and cry deep, long sobs, because we are trying! We want to be good moms and we want to change the world one little heartbeat at a time and we want the cycle of abuse from birth parents to be broken and we want the hurts and pains our children bear to be surrendered to the healing power of Christ and we want more than anything for our children to fall in love with Jesus and we desire to parent them with just the right amount of toughness and grace, giving them a good foundation on which to stand....and we doubt ourselves of the ability to do this every single day.
So what does God say about how we parent. For just a moment, let's strip away everything we feel right now and everything we have heard about us as parents, wives, and humans....and let's go crawl up in our Father's arms and curl up there and take a giant, huge, big sigh..............and just listen to what HE says of us right now. Let His words gently wash over you just as though He is smoothing your hair away from your tear filled eyes....and close your eyes.....and just listen to His deep, gentle voice....rolling like a soft thunder over you....speaking words of life back into your weary heart....
My Child, You are NOT a failure. I formed you in the womb, knitting you together just for this job. Even then, I began to weave into your being exactly what you would need for this job. I gave you that tender heart that weeps so easily....I gave you that toughness that will not be moved. I wove together the fabric of your heart that would be able to multi task and handle all the juggling of so many task at once. I have told you ..." But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.” James 1:5...and you my daughter have asked. You have come to me and I have seen you as you have fallen to your knees over and over asking me for wisdom....and I have given it. You know deep in your heart my daughter that you are doing what I have asked you to do in Proverbs 22:6, " to train up a child in the way he should go"....and you are doing this. I do not expect you to be perfect sweet daughter! I sent my son Jesus to cover all sins and He did....so I no longer look at you and see sin, but all I see is a beautiful daughter who is doing what I have asked. I know you are weary....I see it in the way you hold your head and rub your eyes with your hand....I feel it when you hold your breath and pray you are not messing this up.
You are not. You are not giving yourself enough grace....and if I can give it to you...why can you not give it to yourself? Trust me my love....you are doing exactly what I want you to be doing. You are giving of yourself and you are seeking and you are worshipping me with each prayer you pray, each tear you wipe, each heart you soothe, and each moment of complete surrender to me...that is all I have ever wanted from you. These children I have placed in your care....I would never have entrusted them to you if I was not completely confident in you teaching them and training them exactly like I wanted you to...I do not expect perfection. That is from the enemy. He uses it to hold you in bondage and to bring shame and panic to your heart. Don't let him daughter. With every lie he tells you, I want you to replace it with MY truth. My truth is so powerful that when you speak it out loud to the lies....the lie loses all of its power. My daughter....don't let the lies hold power over you! Know that when I look at you....my heart is delighted! I love watching the way you pray over your children. I love watching you plan for your family and I love watching you serve them. I love when the Holy Spirit makes you strong just when you think you are completely out of strength...and I just....love you. I love you because you are mine. You are my most beloved. And you have done well my daughter. You. have. done. well. This is truth....for I AM TRUTH...so trust me daughter....trust in my heart. I am FOR you. Just rest in me. Open your hands...your heart....in complete surrender to MY TRUTHS of you. Read them. Soak them in. Meditate on them always. And just be my love. Just be here with me and listen.....I AM singing over you right now. I AM sending warrior angels to fight on your behalf. I AM even now bringing peace to your weary and troubled heart....I AM because YOU ARE MINE and I cherish you. I am here....right here....
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