Wounds of healing

Healing.
I have heard this word over and over and usually accompanied by the words," it just takes time."
I have come to dislike those words.
I have also come to a place where I realize that even healing has its own wounds. Healing is not a magical spot that once you "arrive" all the pain goes away and you are "fixed" from the hurt of whatever you are healing from.
Healing is a process of surrender. It is coming to a place where each day you surrender to the knowledge that life is not going as planned. You surrender to the process of surrender. That sounds way more complicated than it actually is.
Life is difficult at times to say the least and it can be going along in a beautiful way just for in mere seconds a shift in the whole universe causes your world to fall apart. It can happen in so many different ways.
A phone call.
A picture.
A video.
A moment.
And the shattering happens....just like that.
It will take your breath away and you will wonder if you will make it.

You will.
It will take a long time for you to really believe that.
Don't rush it.
Give yourself time to cry.
Give yourself time to grieve.
Give yourself time to be completely and utterly disappointed that life did not go as planned.
Give yourself time to face the jagged remains of what was once your heart...your dreams...even at times your soul.
Healing has its own wounds.
The wounds are their own healing.....for without them, you would not grow. You would not be able to look at this world differently.
Those of us who walk wounded....which is all of us at some point in our lives, we have a choice to make.
Stay wounded.
Or let the wounds heal...but let beauty grow from their scars.
It really is that simple....and it really is that hard.
We need to allow people to verbalize their pain. We need to allow people to say that things didn't go as planned....because even in the verbalizing of it, healing can come. We need to meet people right where they are in the middle of the really ugly moment and we don't need to tell them what to say, feel, or think....but instead we just stay beside them. We make sure they know they are not alone. We let them cry, rage, curse if they need too.....we let them heal....slowly if necessary.
God is not afraid of my pain. He doesn't look away or tell me I need to move on.
He DOES allow me to feel....and feel hard sometimes.
Sometimes the very breath you breathe is hard to feel....and the shards of our heart jab our spirit with each breath.
I get it.
I have felt it.
I have also been at the crossroads of healing.
Do I turn my heart off so I don't have to hurt anymore?
Or do I allow myself to feel this pain....trusting that God is growing beauty from it?
I am the only one that can answer that.
You are the only one that can answer the cry of your own heart?
So will you stop it from beating so that you save yourself from pain?
Or do you let it beat....throbbing at times....trusting that with each painful throb....something beautiful is coming?
For me....I choose beauty.
And I know it comes with a cost.
It will require my heart....my tears...and it will hurt.
But what will come from that pain, is something so beautiful that every second of the pain will be worth it.
It may not feel that way right now.
I get it.
But my dear friend....even when your heart is breaking....BELIEVE IN THE BEAUTIFUL.
God is at work in these scar filled hearts of ours.
God is orchestrating a melody and symphony that will capture the darkness you feel and turn it into a bright and powerful light for the one behind you just beginning their journey.
God is growing these tired and worn out hearts into something captivating.
We just have to BELIEVE IN THE BEAUTIFUL....really and deeply believe.