Why I will not pursue happiness.

      The pursuit of happiness.....it seems to be what everyone is preaching these days. The enemy wants you to believe more than anything that your happiness is most important....he wants you to believe that your happiness is more important than your marriage, a relationship with your children, a job well done, a healthy body, healthy finances....but what if all that is a lie? The enemy wants you to believe that this moment of happiness is worth far more than anything and it is vital that you have it RIGHT NOW. No waiting. No planning. Nothing but giving in to the immediate pleasure of "now"....

    What if our "happiness" is not what actually brings us joy? I know that sounds confusing but let me tell you my friends....I have seen this played out over and over and over and and when people pursue their version of happiness, it only leads to more loneliness, depression, and more searching for more of that elusive "happiness". Our best thought out plans are not even close to those plans that God has for us. They pale in comparison to the adventures the King of kings has thought up for us!

       It is when we surrender our dreams, our happiness, our thoughts, "our will" completely over to His...that is when we find our joy. It sounds so crazy to think that surrendering to someone else's plans would fill up that emptiness we are constantly seeking to have filled....but that's how it works. Because it truly isn't a physical thing at all....it is supernatural. We need to understand this. Once we do, we can stop chasing after happiness and start surrendering to holiness.

       If we really dig deep, we will find that true joy comes from knowing WHO we are and WHOSE we are and that we have VALUE. This is why so many of us pursue things that give us meaning or identity....but if we surrender to Christ....truly surrender LORDSHIP of our life, we are able to stand firm on our identity as HIS child. And that brings the deepest sense of joy. That gives us everything we are seeking....everything from our desperate need of worth to our trying to control and figure everything out to knowing we belong to a family and can never be separated from that family. He fulfills all of our deepest needs. We seem to forget at times that God wants us to be full of joy! He is not withholding happiness from us in anyway....but our happiness will never go against what God's Word says. So if we are thinking that something will make us happy, and that thing is contrary to God's Word, we can immediately know that is US pursuing OUR plan instead of God's will.

The happiness that we all long for comes from serving Jesus as our Lord. It is really that simple. The more we serve....the more we surrender all the broken pieces to Jesus....our very spirit becomes happier. We begin to find a sense of worth and a peace and it doesn't matter that we may have money problems, or marriage struggles, or family issues....it doesn't matter what we are walking through....we are still happy. Because joy comes from the Holy Spirit...not from us achieving any certain thing. This is why we have people that can walk through the most heartbreaking situations and still radiate a joyful beauty. It isn't that somehow it doesn't hurt them as much....not at all....instead, they just walk in faith...bravely....joyfully....in HIS WILL. We roll up our spiritual sleeves and we fight. We don't give up. We don't settle for the world's version of joy but instead surrender ourselves to the Holy Spirit working in us....perfecting us in all the hardest parts of us. We stand firm on what GOD'S WORD says....not what our feelings say. We stand firm on truth. And we live in joy. True joy....the kind that withstands the struggles and broken hearts and hurts and fears of life....and still through it all...have joy. His joy.

The journey of surrender:

                                                              Rules versus relationship.....
        Somewhere along the road we have lost the difference between these two. And they are very, very different things. Rules are things that must be obeyed or a consequence will follow. Rules are things that someone else has set as the law. And rules must be obeyed. And rules aren't always bad....but they are no replacement for relationship....ever.
       Relationship is something we pursue. Relationship is something between two or more people and relationship deals with emotions, needs and desires. So why do we confuse the two? When we look at how we interact with Christ....do we think it is more about rules or relationship?
        The two can resemble each other alot sometimes. And so what I have found is that the way to distinguish between the two....is the heart....the very spirit inside of us.  What is my motive in doing or not doing something? What is the reason behind me not participating or participating in something? Am I doing it because it is against the rules or am I doing it because my relationship with Christ would not be honored because of it.
    See.....it is like this....I am married. Therefore, I do not go anywhere alone with another man. Not because I am in a relationship with anyone else, and not because I am afraid that I could be swept away by someone else....it is because of my relationship with my husband and my desire to honor that above all else that I do not go alone with another man. It is because of my love for my husband that keeps me from doing certain things. It is like that with Christ for me.
       I do not listen to certain music because I do not think it honors my King. I do not watch certain shows or movies because they do not line up with what my King teaches in His Word. I do not dress a certain way because it would bring more attention to my body than to my King who lives in me and so I simply don't do it. Not because of a rule. Or a judgment....but because of the love I have for Him and the love He shows me every moment.

        Love is mentioned in the Bible quite a bit....551 times in the Old and New Testament in the NIV version....and so you would think that we would have a fairly accurate grasp of love....but we are not even close. We live in a world that is completely upside down when it comes to love. We think that love is a physical response to someone or that love is how we "feel" at the current moment....or maybe even that love is "just putting up" with harmful behaviors from someone. And so because we have the wrong view on love....on relationship....on rules....we live a life that is confusing to the world around us.
     God's Word is clear on how involved He expects to be in our life after we surrender our heart to His....and it is simply....everything. He expects us to honor Him....in EVERYTHING. He makes it clear that He is a jealous God and that He will not tolerate sharing our hearts with any other gods....and He also wants us to live a life that stands apart....is different than those around us. But we walk around clinging to "our stuff" and try and keep it separate it from our relationship with Christ....and friends....that will never work. We have over complicated it to such peril that many of us don't even know how to truly walk in Christ. The main reason for this confusion I believe is that we have forgotten how to study God's Word. Recently a poll was taken by Christianity today and it said that less than 18% of all church goers read their Bible daily....less than 18%!!!! This is completely spiritually tragic! Reading God's Word cannot be an option. This is our battle plan! This is the very letters of the King of King written to us! God's Word is priceless, a delight and a treasure that we have the beauty of holding in our hands and opening each and every day and to take this for granted is such a tradegy that I don't even have the words to express it.....how this must grieve our Father's heart!
      Without opening God's Word every day, we are fighting from a huge disadvantage.....and the enemy knows this. When we open God's Word every day and we soak in His truth....it changes the battle. We are now fighting from a position of authority. We are no longer bound by physical eyes that struggle to understand what is going on around us....because we have unlocked a spiritual key...which opens our spiritual eyes to see and hear God's Truth in ways we cannot do when we are not in His Word! And something begins to happen deep in the very depths of our spirit....it begins to long for the things of Christ. Things that bring glory and praise to Him. We start to see and hear this world around us differently....we start to see things that we have allowed into our lives because we thought they weren't really that big of a deal...and now we see that they are. And the surrendering begins....and it is a beautiful surrender.

     I wish we would just stop acting like things don't matter....they do. The enemy hates you if you are a believer. He wants to destroy you. He wants to deceive you. He wants to lull you into a numbness so that you forget that every day he is against you. That isn't written to create fear....no....we need to stand up straight, rooted in God's Word....and look our enemy straight in the eye and start using the authority that God has given us! We are told in God's Word how this ends for our enemy....and he is just a coward. A fallen angel who is so full of pride and arrogance that he gave up all the wonders of heaven to cling to his filthy hate. We need to quit being afraid and start living brave. We need to hold our swords up high and LIVE DIFFERENT than this tired, broken, hurt, and very confused world....
     This world is not my home. I am only here for a tiny, brief moment....and so are you. After that....we will spend eternity walking, breathing, smelling, tasting, working. We will have jobs and homes and family celebrations of epic proportions! We will meeet and talk with so many that up to that point have only read about....and we will see Jesus. We will see the scars in His hands and the love in His eyes.....and we will feel His arms around us in a hug that I can only dream of! This day WILL come....we will all bow on our knees to a risen Savior! Some of us will gladly fall to our knees with arms stretched wide in adoration....others will fall to their knees with anguish and grief as they finally realize that it is all true....that HE is TRUTH....but we will ALL bow. Which is surrender....so the day of surrender will come for all of us...and the King of Kings wants nothing more than for you to surrender now. Open your arms....bow your knee....and surrender to Him now....rather than later. Because He longs for a relationship with you. Not rules....not consequences....but a relationship. It is the one thing that the Creator of the universe continually pursues....you. And then dive in! Dive into His Word. Ask for help if you don't know how....we are ALL learning each and every day more and this is the journey that we are meant to walk together....helping each other up and encouraging when one of us is weak....and together we will walk this journey of surrender. What a beautiful journey to walk! A journey of our Father's heart....a journey of hope and love....a journey that never ends....ever....a journey of surrender!

   
   

The Undoing...

        Have you ever had the moment in your life when you just felt so undone...when your whole world seems upside down and your heart may alternate between crying out and surrendering everything? I believe we have all felt this at one time or another...I call this the undoing. 

       When I first became a mom, I had such dreams and hopes for my girls. I dreamt of what jobs they would have, who they would fall in love with, and many other things....all good and beautiful things. I prayed for their hearts to fall deeply in love with their King and for every chain and bondage to be broken. I did what I thought would help them along this journey of life to give them courage, a strong foundation, and a sense of family. And I thought that this would seal the deal if you will, for them to turn out exactly as I had dreamt they would...but I chose to forget about free-will. 

            This is where the undoing comes in...the undoing of my dreams...my plans...even my prayers. And total and complete surrender have to happen. I will be honest....it is painful for me. Painful to the point that many times I have been prostrate on the ground beside my bed with tears pouring down and my heart pounding furiously and my hands pounding the ground begging God to intervene. Letting go has been terribly, terribly painful for me...it has given me a tiny insight into what it must be like for my Heavenly Father to watch so many of His beloved children run away from Him. How His heart must ache for them!

        When you watch your children chose a path that is different than the one you prayed for....your heart hurts. You want desperately to stop them from making that bad choice or taking that wrong path or linking arms with that person that will only bring hurt to their heart. You want to yell and scream and beg them to stop. You want to wrap your arms around them and soak up all the hurt and anger they feel and replace it with the love you have for them but instead all you can do is open your hands...each finger spread out long and completely surrender them to Jesus..,..and it is SO hard. 

       As our children grow they make their own choices. They write their own story...and that is exactly what they need to do. None of them should be forced to walk the story that WE have written for them. This is something I still have so much to learn about....but I am surrendered to the undoing. I will cry more tears. I will at times, lie flat on the floor and ask God to forgive them because they do not know what they are doing....they don't understand their actions have such big spiritual implications. They don't understand fully what the enemy is doing to distract them and blind them so that they no longer hear or see truth clearly. So just like the prophets of old, we pray for our children. We ask God to forgive them and we battle on their behalf when they can't. We cover them in prayer and raise our sword...the Word of God...in battle every single day for them. And we surrender to the undoing in our life. We learn to accept....even welcome....the undoing. Knowing that God's plan and purpose for our children never changes. Knowing that in the undoing....comes beauty. It is in the trusting of our Saviors heart that we rest in even as the undoing causes pain and hurt....which brings beautiful growth. In us. In our children. This undoing....it is a GOOD thing. It is a kind thing from a loving God.
       Most likely you are right in the middle of some form of undoing in your life even now....maybe your marriage is falling apart, your children are walking a road you wish  they wouldn't, maybe you are just tired because it feels like the undoing has been going on now forever....simply....forever....and you are just tired. Dear friend....beauty is here....right in the middle of all this undoing. Beauty is rising from the ashes of this undoing....and soon....the beauty that is going to burst forth from all this undoing is going to leave you breathless and in wonder of how God can take such pain...such hurt....such.....UNDOING....and all the time was creating a beauty that we cannot even fathom right now....but we trust that it is there....because we trust our King.

Being a warrior wife:

        Do you think of yourself as a warrior? A true warrior who every day has to be fitted in their battle garments and pick up their weapons and go to battle each and every day? It's hard sometimes for us to think like this...especially in our selfish all about me culture. But you are in a battle and you do have weapons and every day you fight for one side....light or darkness. Even if you think a day went by where you didn't really fight but you didn't "not" fight either.....your wrong. 

       Walking through the last few years has been a training ground for me. Walking through the mental illness of my daughter and the addictions of my husband has opened my eyes to the battle around us each and every day....and how I can fight it. Being a warrior is something I now embrace....but only after learning how to use my weapons and how to use the authority that God has given me as His daughter....so here are a few things I have learned that may help you embrace the warrior in you;

1. Most important of all the lessons I have learned is this one: KNOW WHO YOU ARE. So vital. Know that you are a daughter of the King of Kings and that NO ONE or NOTHING can ever take that name away from you. Knowing your identity in Christ and being confident of that identity is something the enemy wants to take away from you as quickly as possible....so learn who God says you are now and STAND FIRM on that identity. 

2. Know what your weapons are....You have been given one of the most powerful weapons ever....God's Word. It can break chains that have been there for years, it can soften the hardest of hearts, it can change how you and others see things around you....it can change the whole direction of the battle. Become so familiar with God's Word that it is hidden deep in your heart. Study it. Memorize it. Speak it. Realize it is valuable enough for you to spend time in it each day. You can listen to it in the car, on an mp3 player or phone or you can open it and read it. How you do it is not important...DOING IT is. 

3. Surround yourself with other women warriors. There are many of us warriors out there....seek other women who are fighting for their children and their marriages and their families and become friends with them. This is actually super hard for me because I am an introvert and opening myself up to people is hard and doesn't come naturally to me.  It is hard because many times I just feel to busy with life to actually take time to spend with other women. But changing my mindset to realize how important this is and to see it as a weapon as well is helping me with this. Having arms linked with other sisters who are right there on the battle ground with you is HUGE and I believe a powerful weapon against the enemy....we are stronger together. 

4.  Be on Guard. Do not let the enemy come into your home through gossip, slandering of your children or husband, or even watching shows or listening to music that weakens you and begins a slow fade.We need to be vigilant. We need to be on guard. We need to understand how sneaky the enemy is. He rarely comes in with guns blazing....but instead slowly sneaks in through subtle things that are just "slightly" different than God's Truth. We need to recognize these things and stand firm against them. Here is just a small example....if I am listening to music that constantly talks about cheating on my spouse or how horrible my life is....pretty soon, I may start believing this and my viewpoint changes from God's Truth to a worldview....all because of the sneaky enemy that I allowed in. Plus, our children gain a ton of their lifevviews from music, movies ect....and we need to teach them how to guard against the enemy as well by our example to them! 

5.  Be grateful. Praise God for all that He is doing. Even when things look so dark and lonely....even when you can feel the waters of despair cover you at times making you choke and sputter as you come up for hope one.last.time....even in this dark moments....praise. This can be one of the hardest things because let's face it, when life is overwhelming you and everywhere you look you see despair....praises are hard. But this is why the four things above this are so important. It is in these dark lonely moments that you remember who you are, dig your heels into God's Word, call your friends and be honest with them that life is super hard right now and know that the enemy is just trying to deceive you into thinking all is lost....

 

But we are warriors.

And warriors know that even when the battle is long and hard....we don't give up. That is what makes us warriors. You play such an important part in this battle and the enemy knows that. I pray you will join me in becoming a warrior wife....a warrior mom....a warrior who is strong and is not afraid to look the enemy straight in the eyes and have no fear....because we KNOW our King.

       

Brandi Shearer Testimony on TBN-Praise the Lord Program

When being a mom is overwhelming....

        So here's the deal...and here's my heart....every day I struggle with feeling like my life is just one mess up after the next when it comes to parenting. In today's world it is SO hard to be a parent....judgement comes at you from every direction no matter what you do. I face battles of feeling like as a parent, I am an epic failure....and I have a lot of reasons to "feel" this way.  So each day I struggle....I cry out to God  every day for one reason or another pertaining to being a mom.
         This season has been especially hard. And yet again I am left with what to do...where to land....and I choose to land on truth. I choose to fight the lies that are told to me every day and instead speak loudly the truth of God's Word to myself! We are NOT bad moms! We are NOT failures and we are NOT terrible for not wanting to come out of the bedroom sometimes! We are human. Simply put....just human. We make mistakes and our children may end up in places that we don't want or like....but ultimately they get to make their choices just like we do. We surrender each day to the King...the Creator of that day....and we live it to the best we can with the Holy Spirit's help residing within us. We don't give up. We give ourselves grace....imagine that! Just imagine if we truly lived our life with grace to ourselves! I am still trying to figure this out because I can feel so judged by people around me who know if  "they" raised my daughters they would have turned out perfect! I feel judgement when people offer their "good advice" or "wisdom" to me at the exact moment that I am barely holding on.....and it chips away at my heart....piece by piece...until all I want to do is curl up and cry deep, long sobs, because we are trying! We want to be good moms and we want to change the world one little heartbeat at a time and we want the cycle of abuse from birth parents to be broken and we want the hurts and pains our children bear to be surrendered to the healing power of Christ and we want more than anything for our children to fall in love with Jesus and we desire to parent them with just the right amount of toughness and grace, giving them a good foundation on which to stand....and we doubt ourselves of the ability to do this every single day.
          So what does God say about how we parent. For just a moment, let's strip away everything we feel right now and everything we have heard about us as parents, wives, and humans....and let's go crawl up in our Father's arms and curl up there and take a giant, huge, big sigh..............and just listen to what HE says of us right now. Let His words gently wash over you just as though He is smoothing your hair away from your tear filled eyes....and close your eyes.....and just listen to His deep, gentle voice....rolling like a soft thunder over you....speaking words of life back into your weary heart....

     My Child, You are NOT a failure. I formed you in the womb, knitting you together just for this job. Even then, I began to weave into your being exactly what you would need for this job. I gave you that tender heart that weeps so easily....I gave you that toughness that will not be moved. I wove together the fabric of your heart that would be able to multi task and handle all the juggling of so many task at once. I have told you ..." But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.” James 1:5...and you my daughter have asked. You have come to me and I have seen you as you have fallen to your knees over and over asking me for wisdom....and I have given it. You know deep in your heart my daughter that you are doing what I have asked you to do in Proverbs 22:6, " to train up a child in the way he should go"....and you are doing this. I do not expect you to be perfect sweet daughter! I sent my son Jesus to cover all sins and He did....so I no longer look at you and see sin, but all I see is a beautiful daughter who is doing what I have asked. I know you are weary....I see it in the way you hold your head and rub your eyes with your hand....I feel it when you hold your breath and pray you are not messing this up. 

You are not. You are not giving yourself enough grace....and if I can give it to you...why can you not give it to yourself? Trust me my love....you are doing exactly what I want you to be doing. You are giving of yourself and you are seeking and you are worshipping me with each prayer you pray, each tear you wipe, each heart you soothe, and each moment of complete surrender to me...that is all I have ever wanted from you. These children I have placed in your care....I would never have entrusted them to you if I was not completely confident in you teaching them and training them exactly like I wanted you to...I do not expect perfection. That is from the enemy. He uses it to hold you in bondage and to bring shame and panic to your heart. Don't let him daughter. With every lie he tells you, I want you to replace it with MY truth. My truth is so powerful that when you speak it out loud to the lies....the lie loses all of its power. My daughter....don't let the lies hold power over you! Know that when I look at you....my heart is delighted! I love watching the way you pray over your children. I love watching you plan for your family and I love watching you serve them. I love when the Holy Spirit makes you strong just when you think you are completely out of strength...and I just....love you. I love you because you are mine. You are my most beloved. And you have done well my daughter. You. have. done. well. This is truth....for I AM TRUTH...so trust me daughter....trust in my heart. I am FOR you. Just rest in me. Open your hands...your heart....in complete surrender to MY TRUTHS of you. Read them. Soak them in. Meditate on them always. And just be my love. Just be here with me and listen.....I AM singing over you right now. I AM sending warrior angels to fight on your behalf. I AM even now bringing peace to your weary and troubled heart....I AM because YOU ARE MINE and I cherish you. I am here....right here....

Father's Day blessing

      So for Father's Day I wanted to write something about each of the men in my life who have made a difference but for me that would take forever because I have been truly blessed with many godly men in my life so I will narrow this down to three...my dad. My father-in-law. My husband. For these three deserve a shout-out to them:)
   

     My dad: My dad has always been my hero. When I was a little girl, I wanted to marry someone just like him and be just like my mom because to me they were just that awesome:) My dad loved my mom in a gentle way that taught me alot about how to love and be loved one day. My dad continues to teach me that prayer is powerful and to take everything before Christ and to be fully surrendered to the Holy Spirit which lives inside of me. My dad has taught me how to be determined and never give up...how to love when it would be easier to hate....how to open God's Word and study it....My dad has taught me how to be silent when it would be easier to say a mouthfull! My dad has taught me how to cherish the little moments and learn how to be content with what I have instead of always wishing for more. My dad has taught me how to ride a horse and get back on when I got bucked off...which happened WAY to much in my life;) My dad has taught me to live a life that is IN the world but not OF it and he has taught me that by example. He has walked no easy journey as a foster/adoptive dad and I am sure there were many, many moments when it would have just been easier to run...but he stayed. He loved. He forgave. He always welcomes back....I am so grateful that I have always had the oppotunity to watch Christ lived out for me and because of that it has always been easy for me to understand the Father's love for me....because my dad lives out to me every day.

My father-in-law: My father-in-law has walked through fire with our family. He has supported us when it would have been easier to ignore us and the issues of our life:) I know that he has prayed for us with a deep intensity. I know that he as wept for us. I have seen a deep love for his family show on his face through tears as he watched his son struggle. I have heard him pray from his heart as he is burdened for his family and longs for all of his children and grandchildren and now great grandchildren to walk with Christ. I have heard him admit his weakeness and I have seen how much his son loves him. He has always treated me as a daughter and has been there for our family in some dark moments. I have seen him weep with sorrow at the loss of his grandchildren and for the hurt his daughters were feeling. He is a quite man and doesn't always have alot to say but I have learned much from him already. I have seen him love the simple things in life and find joy in fishing, hunting, being outdoors, and visiting his family in Pennsyvania. I have watched the tender way he took care of his mother-in-law as he moved her into his home during her last moments here before she went home. I am grateful for his role in my husbands life and mine. God continues to grow him and change him and that is a beautiful thing to watch:)

My husband: Two years ago on Father's Day I wasn't certain that my husband would ever get it together and if we would even be together....but then I watched in breathless wonder as slowly....bit by bit....my husband surrendered his will to the will of the Father. Today, two years later....I am married to a very different man. I watch him pray over our daughters and my hearts swells. I hear him teach the girls how to be brave enough to say when you are wrong and how to ask for forgiveness. I watch him speak truth into other mens lives...even hard truth....and I am reminded of just how far God has brought this man of mine:) I have seen my husband with hands lifted in surrender to the King singing at the top of his lungs and it still brings me to tears. I have watched as his eyes has filled with tears over what God has and is doing in his life. I have seen him hold babies that the world had discarded and cry as they were sent back to a home that wasn't safe. I have seen him struggle, fall, and get back up and start again. I have seen him step out of the boat of comfort and into the waters of faith and I am so grateful that together we get to walk on water each day in faith. I have watched him turn from sin and humble himself to Christ and because of that I have seen the Holy Spirit fill him as he walks each day in surrender and I have seen the diiference in a man who avoided accountability into a man who invites accountability into his life as he is sharpened by other men in his life. I have seen him cry, pray, love, laugh, be crazy goofy with his girls, and study intensely as he takes on this new journey of schooling as he pursues God's calling on his life. I have watched him run from his anointing and calling for years....to complete surrender to his calling. I continue to watch him as he cares more about our daughter's holiness, than their happiness. I have went from a wife who avoided his leading, to a wife that is honored to be led by him. The journey has been one that has taught me more about trusting the Father's heart than any other journey I have been on...but I would never want to walk any other journey because this journey is what has drawn me closer to the heart of Christ and my husband...and for that I am grateful. When God formed our family, He knew exactly what the journey would be....and He formed our family anyway. He knew that our daughters would need to see love and forgiveness lived out really loud and He already knew that my husband would surrender to Him and that our daughters would see that lived out and it was exactly what they would need to walk through. I am grateful for my husband as a leader of our family and as a daddy for our six daughters...and I am grateful that he isn't afraid to live out his walk...struggles and all....in front of them...for that gives them the grace they need to follow that example.

 
So today...as I sit and think of the men in my life....I am grateful. Not every one has men who walk bravely and lead fiercely.....but I pray even now as you read this that you know with no doubt that you have a Heavenly Father who fights for you, defends you, and who longs for a relationship with you...and because He is such a good Father...He will always pursue you....no matter how dark your road, or how fast you run, or how long you run....He is there....loving you at your darkest.