This is a question I have been asked a lot....people know WHY they should forgive and people know WANT to forgive....but HOW can seem elusive at times. We have all heard the saying, " Don't forgive for them, forgive for you." And that sounds great....BUT HOW? When your heart has been broken and shattered inside of you because of the actions of another person, when someone you trusted to keep you safe from harm caused terrible harm, when you have forgiven in the past only to have it thrown in your face with another slap again and again.... it does something inside you....many times the hurt that was done against you is still throbbing with pain so thinking of forgiving someone for that seems impossible. So let me just be as honest about forgiveness as I can be. YOU CANNOT FORGIVE SOMEONE ON YOUR OWN STRENGTH. It IS impossible. So that should take a little off your shoulders, right....because simply put...you can't.
I have been asked how I could forgive my daughter after she attacked me over and over...I have been asked why I would forgive my husband after all he did to destroy our marriage....and the answer is far more simple than people expect. I cannot forgive them. The Holy Spirit can. I have to fully surrender myself....how" I "feel...how "I" want to be....how "I "want them to be judged....how "I " deserve better....on and on it can go. For me to truly forgive I have to surrender to Christ. This was really hard for me at first with my husband because even though I loved him and wanted him to become better, I didn't know if I would ever be able to forgive him for the things he had done against our family and our marriage, and so I took that to God. Daily. Many times a day. I began to pray for him very specifically and when you pray with specific intention for someone every day....that makes it a lot harder to hold on to that unforgiveness. Because through prayer, God restores, renews, and revives. And so even when I didn't want to pray for him...even when it didn't seem fair to me that I was the only one doing the praying....I still prayed.
You just do the next right thing. And then the next...
You keep praying and you don't stop.
Forgiveness breaks the cycle of abuse....so do I want the cycle to continue or do I want it broken?
Over time I came to understand my choosing to forgive does not mean I forget or act like it never happened in any way....it actually means I fully acknowledge the hurt and the pain that was caused by someones actions and I choose to....let.it.go. I choose to no longer hold those actions against them. I choose to not throw those actions back in their face the next time I get upset with them. I choose to fully see with my spiritual eyes...not just my physical ones....that I have been lavished with grace by my Father even though I sin against Him every day and my sin is why Jesus had to die...and it is no different than anyone else's sin.
Forgiveness is spiritual. When forgiveness seems impossible....but your heart is surrendered to the Will of the Father....the Holy Spirit will work forgiveness in your heart. It is part of the transforming He does in our hearts.....so let Him. Trust Him.
If I had to give 5 steps to walk in forgiveness, this would be what they are:
1. Pray for your enemies. Even when I don't want to.
2. Give the same amount of forgiveness that you have been given by Christ. "While we were STILL sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8
3. Remember that forgiveness does not mean forgetting.
4. Understand that I CANNOT walk fully in Christ if I am holding on to unforgiveness.
Let me just tell you...last year, I would not have been able to tell you for sure if I was going to be able to walk in forgiveness. It is a choice that I made every day to surrender MY WILL to God's. It was the desire to let God completely rule my heart, my emotions, and my desires and not wanting the enemy to win in any sort of way! I want to be LIKE Christ and to do that I have to follow HIS example. So today...right now...pray. Ask God to pour His forgiveness in your heart so that it overflows onto all those who have hurt you. Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to you everyone that you are holding unforgiveness against....write it down and pray over those names daily. Don't stop. Thank Christ every day for His forgiveness that has been lavished on you and pray that you will follow that example. Trust the heart of the Father who has forgiven us from so much and our ability to forgive others is what makes us different from the world. So let's be different! Let's forgive. Always.
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