It is hard to explain what happens INSIDE of the spirit of a person as they continually surrender to Jesus. It is something that this world cannot explain and something that leaves people in a baffled state...the world and even other believers sometimes are left asking how can someone forgive "that sin" or why would they stay in that marriage? Why do they not "stand up for themselves", Why do they keep putting up with this? How can they possibly be happy or at peace in THAT situation? How can they keep on loving that person? How can they keep on believing in that person? On and on the questions go because it is truly unbelievable at times the strength and power that God gives you when you surrender to Him.
I have walked through the last few years cut right open...bearing my pain and heart to all....our family has walked through some really tough times and I get asked ALOT about joy, pain, forgiveness,....hope. It is hard to walk through life vulnerable. I have wanted to retreat at times and hide....just shut my heart right up so that no one has to know what it is experiencing....and at times I have. At times it has been a war against MY will versus my Father's Will....and I have not always surrendered willingly. Because being vulnerable is hard. Being open and honest can hurt because not everyone understands and certainly doesn't always agree...and people are all to willing to share their opinions on why you are doing it wrong :)...in love of course ;)
So let me say this....I don't always have the answers. I don't always have joy in my heart. I don't always choose the right thing or the unselfish thing. I struggle with sin and selfish motives and thoughts daily. I struggle with walking by faith and needing to know now.....every day. But here is something God continually is teaching me....I am a daughter of THE KING OF KINGS! Because I have accepted that role that was freely given to me, I was also given a gift of citizenship to Heaven and even better than that....I was given the very Spirit of God that came and now dwells within me. So now I have ALL the equipping I need to stand firm when I want to run, to forgive when I want to hate, to smile when I want to frown, to love those that don't deserve love by this worlds definition, to see the world differently....and I want too! How I want too!!
So now, every day, it is a moment of surrender for me. Surrendering my eye sight for His, my tiny ability to love those that "deserve it" for His ability to love everyone no matter what, my bitterness and resentment for His forgiveness....and on and on. It is IMPOSSIBLE for me to do these things on my own....absolutely impossible. But through surrender....which basically means every day I wake up with hands wide open, heart cut open, ready to love through HIS power....not mine. I lean INTO the brokenness....not away from it. I trust in the truth that God will make ALL THINGS beautiful no matter how much pain or hurt is involved. It is about faith. It is about trusting when I don't see or FEEL like I love or can forgive that God can and WILL do it through me if I just ask Him too. It is about being in His Word and believing His Word as my ONLY SOURCE OF TRUTH. I do not accept man's version of anything over my King's. I remind myself every day that I have the power of the One who brings dead to life, eyesight to blind, and replaces hearts of stone with hearts of flesh....so if I BELIEVE that....then I need to live it out....and to do that....I need to love. I need to be vulnerable. I need to live cut right open.
I fully admit it can be terrifying on certain days. It can make me tremble at times because it goes so much against what this world yells at us every moment...and I admit that sometimes there is a part of me that leans into the lie just a bit of," What if they are right?" What if that person never does change? What if that child never believes? What if the marriage is always hard? What if the healing doesn't come? What if the finances are never there? What if.....the enemy whispers it and the more I listen to it, the louder he speaks....what if. This is when it is VITAL that we take our thoughts captive! This is when we stand firm that EVEN IF....we will still believe. This is when I speak boldly back to the enemy and tell him he has NO AUTHORITY over my marriage, my children, my life. He can try his best to destroy, kill and steal....and I know he will try.....but he will NEVER WIN. For three days Jesus lay in a tomb and it LOOKED like death( the enemy) had won....but he NEVER WON. Because during those three days, our King was fighting hell itself and was ALWAYS VICTORIOUS! We need to remember that sometimes when the battle "appears" to be lost this side of heaven....there is a battle going on that we cannot see with our eyes just yet. And so during that time, we stand on God's Word and KNOW VICTORY is there. We just believe what God says....when our physical eyes deceive us. This is what God is continually teaching me about....and I have SO much to learn still! But I pray He will always grow my faith....because I have seen Him renew, restore, and rebuild marriages, relationships, hearts, scars....that the world long ago gave up on. Praise God we do not have to put our hope in this world!! Praise the name of Jesus that our Hope is in the One who IS HOPE!
So....we persist. We stand firm. We give up our will and take on His. We surrender our thought process for His. We change. We renew. We believe. And we stand in awe of our God. Because EVEN IF all seems lost......we will never bow to the enemy or his lies. And the Holy Spirit WILL fill my heart with grace, patience, love, forgiveness....supernaturally. I don't have to try and fake it, I don't have to manufacture it....it comes from the Holy Spirit Himself....deep within the core of who I am and WHOSE I am....and it is there. When I least expect it...it is there. Do you know why? This is the best part....because God PROMISES that we will NEVER be separated from Him once we have surrendered to Him, and because of that, even when I "feel" like I am alone or fighting an uphill battle....God is there.
I have felt the pain and dryness of a broken and scared heart....the heat of it passing over me wave after wave until I cannot breathe....and I have fallen to scarred knees many times crying out and every time I have had the cool breath of Hope caress my tired and weary heart. I have seen the hand of God take my scars and my shattered heart....and I have seen the breathtaking beauty that comes from those pieces being woven together with mercy, grace, forgiveness, hope....and it leaves me in awe every time. I pray that you too will take that step of boldness....and live out love loudly. HIS LOVE. The kind this world doesn't understand but craves....and watch my friend as God uses that pain and hurt you are in right now to work wonders beyond our imagination. HE is already at it....creating beauty from this ash you feel falling on you. It has already begun and He won't stop until it is completed my friend.
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