A letter to Abba Father.

Dear Abba Father,

     How do I write this to You? How do I explain the bitter ache in my heart and the questions blowing in and out of my mind constantly? 

Why haven't You done a miracle? 

Why haven't You released all of Heaven on behalf of my husband? 

Why haven't You heard my heart shattering day after day? 

What haven't I done?! I have asked and pleaded and begged You my King, to do something. I have stood firm when everyone around me said to leave....and I have bruised and bloody knees from falling to them so much. I have fought hard my Lord....I have done everything I know to do....and yet....I am sitting here without my husband. I still listen to the cries of my little one because she misses her daddy and I still fall asleep at night crying myself because I miss my husband. 

What do I do with this pain? Where do I put it?! My heart aches....my breathing hurts...and my eyes are constantly fighting back the tears because this ISN"T they way it was suppose to go. It isn't the way that Your Word promises....

so why am I here? 

Why do You want me to walk through this? 

Why won't You reach down deep into the pit and pull my husband out?! 

I don't know what else to do?

I have done everything I know....and it hasn't changed anything.

I am still alone. 

I shouldn't be here....alone...after 17 years of marriage.

I should be singing Your praise for all that You have done IN MY MARRIAGE...but instead am crying aching sobs because it isn't suppose to be this way. 

If my prayers matter to You....if You hold every tear in Your bottles...if You fight FOR marriage....than why am I here today? 

I stood firm on what You told me to stand firm on.

I fought for my husband....

I loved him when my heart was ripped out time and time again....

So why....

Why do You still say for me to pray and fight? Have I not fought? Have I not given up all of my adult life to fight for a man who wants nothing to do with me?! 

My very soul hurts right now....

This isn't about not trusting You. This isn't about not believing in You. I will always trust You and believe in You....this is about Your daughter not understanding. I don't understand where my authority is. I don't understand why the enemy is winning in my husband's heart?! I don't understand...but I still trust You. Still I sing Your praises....still I bow before You and still I am willing to walk through whatever You ask of me....but please know Abba Father, that my knees are trembling....my heart is thudding in my chest....and my eyes are quick to fill with tears. But yet....I still believe Your Word. I KNOW You are fighting on behalf of my husband. I KNOW You are pursuing him....and I surrender to Your timing. Your will. Your way....

I do not stand in fear of the enemy who is seeking to destroy my husband. I stand boldly and wage war against the enemy through the power of Your Word! I hold up my sword....Your Word....and I use it with Your authority my King! I hold You to Your promises....but even if this doesn't end the way I pray....I still trust You. Please strengthen your daughter's heart....and my faith....may it grow even more. Show me how to be bold for You and how to stand in the gap. I love You Father...my Jevoah-Sabboath. My Redeemer. My Peace. My hope....and only through Your power will I be able to stand this....so please....be strong in me my King. I will do my best to live out this journey with grace and gentleness like You have called me to do. I will speak Your truth into my life, my daughter's lives, and my husband's life. I will praise no matter the tears or the shattering of my heart....and I will honor You with everything I am. For You are my God and I will always follow You....no matter how deep the water may seem.

https://www.amazon.com/Praying-Your-Husband-Head-Scripture-Based/dp/160142471X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1512342220&sr=8-1&keywords=praying+for+your+husband+head+to+toe