The journey of surrender:

                                                              Rules versus relationship.....
        Somewhere along the road we have lost the difference between these two. And they are very, very different things. Rules are things that must be obeyed or a consequence will follow. Rules are things that someone else has set as the law. And rules must be obeyed. And rules aren't always bad....but they are no replacement for relationship....ever.
       Relationship is something we pursue. Relationship is something between two or more people and relationship deals with emotions, needs and desires. So why do we confuse the two? When we look at how we interact with Christ....do we think it is more about rules or relationship?
        The two can resemble each other alot sometimes. And so what I have found is that the way to distinguish between the two....is the heart....the very spirit inside of us.  What is my motive in doing or not doing something? What is the reason behind me not participating or participating in something? Am I doing it because it is against the rules or am I doing it because my relationship with Christ would not be honored because of it.
    See.....it is like this....I am married. Therefore, I do not go anywhere alone with another man. Not because I am in a relationship with anyone else, and not because I am afraid that I could be swept away by someone else....it is because of my relationship with my husband and my desire to honor that above all else that I do not go alone with another man. It is because of my love for my husband that keeps me from doing certain things. It is like that with Christ for me.
       I do not listen to certain music because I do not think it honors my King. I do not watch certain shows or movies because they do not line up with what my King teaches in His Word. I do not dress a certain way because it would bring more attention to my body than to my King who lives in me and so I simply don't do it. Not because of a rule. Or a judgment....but because of the love I have for Him and the love He shows me every moment.

        Love is mentioned in the Bible quite a bit....551 times in the Old and New Testament in the NIV version....and so you would think that we would have a fairly accurate grasp of love....but we are not even close. We live in a world that is completely upside down when it comes to love. We think that love is a physical response to someone or that love is how we "feel" at the current moment....or maybe even that love is "just putting up" with harmful behaviors from someone. And so because we have the wrong view on love....on relationship....on rules....we live a life that is confusing to the world around us.
     God's Word is clear on how involved He expects to be in our life after we surrender our heart to His....and it is simply....everything. He expects us to honor Him....in EVERYTHING. He makes it clear that He is a jealous God and that He will not tolerate sharing our hearts with any other gods....and He also wants us to live a life that stands apart....is different than those around us. But we walk around clinging to "our stuff" and try and keep it separate it from our relationship with Christ....and friends....that will never work. We have over complicated it to such peril that many of us don't even know how to truly walk in Christ. The main reason for this confusion I believe is that we have forgotten how to study God's Word. Recently a poll was taken by Christianity today and it said that less than 18% of all church goers read their Bible daily....less than 18%!!!! This is completely spiritually tragic! Reading God's Word cannot be an option. This is our battle plan! This is the very letters of the King of King written to us! God's Word is priceless, a delight and a treasure that we have the beauty of holding in our hands and opening each and every day and to take this for granted is such a tradegy that I don't even have the words to express it.....how this must grieve our Father's heart!
      Without opening God's Word every day, we are fighting from a huge disadvantage.....and the enemy knows this. When we open God's Word every day and we soak in His truth....it changes the battle. We are now fighting from a position of authority. We are no longer bound by physical eyes that struggle to understand what is going on around us....because we have unlocked a spiritual key...which opens our spiritual eyes to see and hear God's Truth in ways we cannot do when we are not in His Word! And something begins to happen deep in the very depths of our spirit....it begins to long for the things of Christ. Things that bring glory and praise to Him. We start to see and hear this world around us differently....we start to see things that we have allowed into our lives because we thought they weren't really that big of a deal...and now we see that they are. And the surrendering begins....and it is a beautiful surrender.

     I wish we would just stop acting like things don't matter....they do. The enemy hates you if you are a believer. He wants to destroy you. He wants to deceive you. He wants to lull you into a numbness so that you forget that every day he is against you. That isn't written to create fear....no....we need to stand up straight, rooted in God's Word....and look our enemy straight in the eye and start using the authority that God has given us! We are told in God's Word how this ends for our enemy....and he is just a coward. A fallen angel who is so full of pride and arrogance that he gave up all the wonders of heaven to cling to his filthy hate. We need to quit being afraid and start living brave. We need to hold our swords up high and LIVE DIFFERENT than this tired, broken, hurt, and very confused world....
     This world is not my home. I am only here for a tiny, brief moment....and so are you. After that....we will spend eternity walking, breathing, smelling, tasting, working. We will have jobs and homes and family celebrations of epic proportions! We will meeet and talk with so many that up to that point have only read about....and we will see Jesus. We will see the scars in His hands and the love in His eyes.....and we will feel His arms around us in a hug that I can only dream of! This day WILL come....we will all bow on our knees to a risen Savior! Some of us will gladly fall to our knees with arms stretched wide in adoration....others will fall to their knees with anguish and grief as they finally realize that it is all true....that HE is TRUTH....but we will ALL bow. Which is surrender....so the day of surrender will come for all of us...and the King of Kings wants nothing more than for you to surrender now. Open your arms....bow your knee....and surrender to Him now....rather than later. Because He longs for a relationship with you. Not rules....not consequences....but a relationship. It is the one thing that the Creator of the universe continually pursues....you. And then dive in! Dive into His Word. Ask for help if you don't know how....we are ALL learning each and every day more and this is the journey that we are meant to walk together....helping each other up and encouraging when one of us is weak....and together we will walk this journey of surrender. What a beautiful journey to walk! A journey of our Father's heart....a journey of hope and love....a journey that never ends....ever....a journey of surrender!

   
   

The Undoing...

        Have you ever had the moment in your life when you just felt so undone...when your whole world seems upside down and your heart may alternate between crying out and surrendering everything? I believe we have all felt this at one time or another...I call this the undoing. 

       When I first became a mom, I had such dreams and hopes for my girls. I dreamt of what jobs they would have, who they would fall in love with, and many other things....all good and beautiful things. I prayed for their hearts to fall deeply in love with their King and for every chain and bondage to be broken. I did what I thought would help them along this journey of life to give them courage, a strong foundation, and a sense of family. And I thought that this would seal the deal if you will, for them to turn out exactly as I had dreamt they would...but I chose to forget about free-will. 

            This is where the undoing comes in...the undoing of my dreams...my plans...even my prayers. And total and complete surrender have to happen. I will be honest....it is painful for me. Painful to the point that many times I have been prostrate on the ground beside my bed with tears pouring down and my heart pounding furiously and my hands pounding the ground begging God to intervene. Letting go has been terribly, terribly painful for me...it has given me a tiny insight into what it must be like for my Heavenly Father to watch so many of His beloved children run away from Him. How His heart must ache for them!

        When you watch your children chose a path that is different than the one you prayed for....your heart hurts. You want desperately to stop them from making that bad choice or taking that wrong path or linking arms with that person that will only bring hurt to their heart. You want to yell and scream and beg them to stop. You want to wrap your arms around them and soak up all the hurt and anger they feel and replace it with the love you have for them but instead all you can do is open your hands...each finger spread out long and completely surrender them to Jesus..,..and it is SO hard. 

       As our children grow they make their own choices. They write their own story...and that is exactly what they need to do. None of them should be forced to walk the story that WE have written for them. This is something I still have so much to learn about....but I am surrendered to the undoing. I will cry more tears. I will at times, lie flat on the floor and ask God to forgive them because they do not know what they are doing....they don't understand their actions have such big spiritual implications. They don't understand fully what the enemy is doing to distract them and blind them so that they no longer hear or see truth clearly. So just like the prophets of old, we pray for our children. We ask God to forgive them and we battle on their behalf when they can't. We cover them in prayer and raise our sword...the Word of God...in battle every single day for them. And we surrender to the undoing in our life. We learn to accept....even welcome....the undoing. Knowing that God's plan and purpose for our children never changes. Knowing that in the undoing....comes beauty. It is in the trusting of our Saviors heart that we rest in even as the undoing causes pain and hurt....which brings beautiful growth. In us. In our children. This undoing....it is a GOOD thing. It is a kind thing from a loving God.
       Most likely you are right in the middle of some form of undoing in your life even now....maybe your marriage is falling apart, your children are walking a road you wish  they wouldn't, maybe you are just tired because it feels like the undoing has been going on now forever....simply....forever....and you are just tired. Dear friend....beauty is here....right in the middle of all this undoing. Beauty is rising from the ashes of this undoing....and soon....the beauty that is going to burst forth from all this undoing is going to leave you breathless and in wonder of how God can take such pain...such hurt....such.....UNDOING....and all the time was creating a beauty that we cannot even fathom right now....but we trust that it is there....because we trust our King.

Being a warrior wife:

        Do you think of yourself as a warrior? A true warrior who every day has to be fitted in their battle garments and pick up their weapons and go to battle each and every day? It's hard sometimes for us to think like this...especially in our selfish all about me culture. But you are in a battle and you do have weapons and every day you fight for one side....light or darkness. Even if you think a day went by where you didn't really fight but you didn't "not" fight either.....your wrong. 

       Walking through the last few years has been a training ground for me. Walking through the mental illness of my daughter and the addictions of my husband has opened my eyes to the battle around us each and every day....and how I can fight it. Being a warrior is something I now embrace....but only after learning how to use my weapons and how to use the authority that God has given me as His daughter....so here are a few things I have learned that may help you embrace the warrior in you;

1. Most important of all the lessons I have learned is this one: KNOW WHO YOU ARE. So vital. Know that you are a daughter of the King of Kings and that NO ONE or NOTHING can ever take that name away from you. Knowing your identity in Christ and being confident of that identity is something the enemy wants to take away from you as quickly as possible....so learn who God says you are now and STAND FIRM on that identity. 

2. Know what your weapons are....You have been given one of the most powerful weapons ever....God's Word. It can break chains that have been there for years, it can soften the hardest of hearts, it can change how you and others see things around you....it can change the whole direction of the battle. Become so familiar with God's Word that it is hidden deep in your heart. Study it. Memorize it. Speak it. Realize it is valuable enough for you to spend time in it each day. You can listen to it in the car, on an mp3 player or phone or you can open it and read it. How you do it is not important...DOING IT is. 

3. Surround yourself with other women warriors. There are many of us warriors out there....seek other women who are fighting for their children and their marriages and their families and become friends with them. This is actually super hard for me because I am an introvert and opening myself up to people is hard and doesn't come naturally to me.  It is hard because many times I just feel to busy with life to actually take time to spend with other women. But changing my mindset to realize how important this is and to see it as a weapon as well is helping me with this. Having arms linked with other sisters who are right there on the battle ground with you is HUGE and I believe a powerful weapon against the enemy....we are stronger together. 

4.  Be on Guard. Do not let the enemy come into your home through gossip, slandering of your children or husband, or even watching shows or listening to music that weakens you and begins a slow fade.We need to be vigilant. We need to be on guard. We need to understand how sneaky the enemy is. He rarely comes in with guns blazing....but instead slowly sneaks in through subtle things that are just "slightly" different than God's Truth. We need to recognize these things and stand firm against them. Here is just a small example....if I am listening to music that constantly talks about cheating on my spouse or how horrible my life is....pretty soon, I may start believing this and my viewpoint changes from God's Truth to a worldview....all because of the sneaky enemy that I allowed in. Plus, our children gain a ton of their lifevviews from music, movies ect....and we need to teach them how to guard against the enemy as well by our example to them! 

5.  Be grateful. Praise God for all that He is doing. Even when things look so dark and lonely....even when you can feel the waters of despair cover you at times making you choke and sputter as you come up for hope one.last.time....even in this dark moments....praise. This can be one of the hardest things because let's face it, when life is overwhelming you and everywhere you look you see despair....praises are hard. But this is why the four things above this are so important. It is in these dark lonely moments that you remember who you are, dig your heels into God's Word, call your friends and be honest with them that life is super hard right now and know that the enemy is just trying to deceive you into thinking all is lost....

 

But we are warriors.

And warriors know that even when the battle is long and hard....we don't give up. That is what makes us warriors. You play such an important part in this battle and the enemy knows that. I pray you will join me in becoming a warrior wife....a warrior mom....a warrior who is strong and is not afraid to look the enemy straight in the eyes and have no fear....because we KNOW our King.

       

Brandi Shearer Testimony on TBN-Praise the Lord Program

When being a mom is overwhelming....

        So here's the deal...and here's my heart....every day I struggle with feeling like my life is just one mess up after the next when it comes to parenting. In today's world it is SO hard to be a parent....judgement comes at you from every direction no matter what you do. I face battles of feeling like as a parent, I am an epic failure....and I have a lot of reasons to "feel" this way.  So each day I struggle....I cry out to God  every day for one reason or another pertaining to being a mom.
         This season has been especially hard. And yet again I am left with what to do...where to land....and I choose to land on truth. I choose to fight the lies that are told to me every day and instead speak loudly the truth of God's Word to myself! We are NOT bad moms! We are NOT failures and we are NOT terrible for not wanting to come out of the bedroom sometimes! We are human. Simply put....just human. We make mistakes and our children may end up in places that we don't want or like....but ultimately they get to make their choices just like we do. We surrender each day to the King...the Creator of that day....and we live it to the best we can with the Holy Spirit's help residing within us. We don't give up. We give ourselves grace....imagine that! Just imagine if we truly lived our life with grace to ourselves! I am still trying to figure this out because I can feel so judged by people around me who know if  "they" raised my daughters they would have turned out perfect! I feel judgement when people offer their "good advice" or "wisdom" to me at the exact moment that I am barely holding on.....and it chips away at my heart....piece by piece...until all I want to do is curl up and cry deep, long sobs, because we are trying! We want to be good moms and we want to change the world one little heartbeat at a time and we want the cycle of abuse from birth parents to be broken and we want the hurts and pains our children bear to be surrendered to the healing power of Christ and we want more than anything for our children to fall in love with Jesus and we desire to parent them with just the right amount of toughness and grace, giving them a good foundation on which to stand....and we doubt ourselves of the ability to do this every single day.
          So what does God say about how we parent. For just a moment, let's strip away everything we feel right now and everything we have heard about us as parents, wives, and humans....and let's go crawl up in our Father's arms and curl up there and take a giant, huge, big sigh..............and just listen to what HE says of us right now. Let His words gently wash over you just as though He is smoothing your hair away from your tear filled eyes....and close your eyes.....and just listen to His deep, gentle voice....rolling like a soft thunder over you....speaking words of life back into your weary heart....

     My Child, You are NOT a failure. I formed you in the womb, knitting you together just for this job. Even then, I began to weave into your being exactly what you would need for this job. I gave you that tender heart that weeps so easily....I gave you that toughness that will not be moved. I wove together the fabric of your heart that would be able to multi task and handle all the juggling of so many task at once. I have told you ..." But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.” James 1:5...and you my daughter have asked. You have come to me and I have seen you as you have fallen to your knees over and over asking me for wisdom....and I have given it. You know deep in your heart my daughter that you are doing what I have asked you to do in Proverbs 22:6, " to train up a child in the way he should go"....and you are doing this. I do not expect you to be perfect sweet daughter! I sent my son Jesus to cover all sins and He did....so I no longer look at you and see sin, but all I see is a beautiful daughter who is doing what I have asked. I know you are weary....I see it in the way you hold your head and rub your eyes with your hand....I feel it when you hold your breath and pray you are not messing this up. 

You are not. You are not giving yourself enough grace....and if I can give it to you...why can you not give it to yourself? Trust me my love....you are doing exactly what I want you to be doing. You are giving of yourself and you are seeking and you are worshipping me with each prayer you pray, each tear you wipe, each heart you soothe, and each moment of complete surrender to me...that is all I have ever wanted from you. These children I have placed in your care....I would never have entrusted them to you if I was not completely confident in you teaching them and training them exactly like I wanted you to...I do not expect perfection. That is from the enemy. He uses it to hold you in bondage and to bring shame and panic to your heart. Don't let him daughter. With every lie he tells you, I want you to replace it with MY truth. My truth is so powerful that when you speak it out loud to the lies....the lie loses all of its power. My daughter....don't let the lies hold power over you! Know that when I look at you....my heart is delighted! I love watching the way you pray over your children. I love watching you plan for your family and I love watching you serve them. I love when the Holy Spirit makes you strong just when you think you are completely out of strength...and I just....love you. I love you because you are mine. You are my most beloved. And you have done well my daughter. You. have. done. well. This is truth....for I AM TRUTH...so trust me daughter....trust in my heart. I am FOR you. Just rest in me. Open your hands...your heart....in complete surrender to MY TRUTHS of you. Read them. Soak them in. Meditate on them always. And just be my love. Just be here with me and listen.....I AM singing over you right now. I AM sending warrior angels to fight on your behalf. I AM even now bringing peace to your weary and troubled heart....I AM because YOU ARE MINE and I cherish you. I am here....right here....

Father's Day blessing

      So for Father's Day I wanted to write something about each of the men in my life who have made a difference but for me that would take forever because I have been truly blessed with many godly men in my life so I will narrow this down to three...my dad. My father-in-law. My husband. For these three deserve a shout-out to them:)
   

     My dad: My dad has always been my hero. When I was a little girl, I wanted to marry someone just like him and be just like my mom because to me they were just that awesome:) My dad loved my mom in a gentle way that taught me alot about how to love and be loved one day. My dad continues to teach me that prayer is powerful and to take everything before Christ and to be fully surrendered to the Holy Spirit which lives inside of me. My dad has taught me how to be determined and never give up...how to love when it would be easier to hate....how to open God's Word and study it....My dad has taught me how to be silent when it would be easier to say a mouthfull! My dad has taught me how to cherish the little moments and learn how to be content with what I have instead of always wishing for more. My dad has taught me how to ride a horse and get back on when I got bucked off...which happened WAY to much in my life;) My dad has taught me to live a life that is IN the world but not OF it and he has taught me that by example. He has walked no easy journey as a foster/adoptive dad and I am sure there were many, many moments when it would have just been easier to run...but he stayed. He loved. He forgave. He always welcomes back....I am so grateful that I have always had the oppotunity to watch Christ lived out for me and because of that it has always been easy for me to understand the Father's love for me....because my dad lives out to me every day.

My father-in-law: My father-in-law has walked through fire with our family. He has supported us when it would have been easier to ignore us and the issues of our life:) I know that he has prayed for us with a deep intensity. I know that he as wept for us. I have seen a deep love for his family show on his face through tears as he watched his son struggle. I have heard him pray from his heart as he is burdened for his family and longs for all of his children and grandchildren and now great grandchildren to walk with Christ. I have heard him admit his weakeness and I have seen how much his son loves him. He has always treated me as a daughter and has been there for our family in some dark moments. I have seen him weep with sorrow at the loss of his grandchildren and for the hurt his daughters were feeling. He is a quite man and doesn't always have alot to say but I have learned much from him already. I have seen him love the simple things in life and find joy in fishing, hunting, being outdoors, and visiting his family in Pennsyvania. I have watched the tender way he took care of his mother-in-law as he moved her into his home during her last moments here before she went home. I am grateful for his role in my husbands life and mine. God continues to grow him and change him and that is a beautiful thing to watch:)

My husband: Two years ago on Father's Day I wasn't certain that my husband would ever get it together and if we would even be together....but then I watched in breathless wonder as slowly....bit by bit....my husband surrendered his will to the will of the Father. Today, two years later....I am married to a very different man. I watch him pray over our daughters and my hearts swells. I hear him teach the girls how to be brave enough to say when you are wrong and how to ask for forgiveness. I watch him speak truth into other mens lives...even hard truth....and I am reminded of just how far God has brought this man of mine:) I have seen my husband with hands lifted in surrender to the King singing at the top of his lungs and it still brings me to tears. I have watched as his eyes has filled with tears over what God has and is doing in his life. I have seen him hold babies that the world had discarded and cry as they were sent back to a home that wasn't safe. I have seen him struggle, fall, and get back up and start again. I have seen him step out of the boat of comfort and into the waters of faith and I am so grateful that together we get to walk on water each day in faith. I have watched him turn from sin and humble himself to Christ and because of that I have seen the Holy Spirit fill him as he walks each day in surrender and I have seen the diiference in a man who avoided accountability into a man who invites accountability into his life as he is sharpened by other men in his life. I have seen him cry, pray, love, laugh, be crazy goofy with his girls, and study intensely as he takes on this new journey of schooling as he pursues God's calling on his life. I have watched him run from his anointing and calling for years....to complete surrender to his calling. I continue to watch him as he cares more about our daughter's holiness, than their happiness. I have went from a wife who avoided his leading, to a wife that is honored to be led by him. The journey has been one that has taught me more about trusting the Father's heart than any other journey I have been on...but I would never want to walk any other journey because this journey is what has drawn me closer to the heart of Christ and my husband...and for that I am grateful. When God formed our family, He knew exactly what the journey would be....and He formed our family anyway. He knew that our daughters would need to see love and forgiveness lived out really loud and He already knew that my husband would surrender to Him and that our daughters would see that lived out and it was exactly what they would need to walk through. I am grateful for my husband as a leader of our family and as a daddy for our six daughters...and I am grateful that he isn't afraid to live out his walk...struggles and all....in front of them...for that gives them the grace they need to follow that example.

 
So today...as I sit and think of the men in my life....I am grateful. Not every one has men who walk bravely and lead fiercely.....but I pray even now as you read this that you know with no doubt that you have a Heavenly Father who fights for you, defends you, and who longs for a relationship with you...and because He is such a good Father...He will always pursue you....no matter how dark your road, or how fast you run, or how long you run....He is there....loving you at your darkest.

Passive Christianity....no more!

       It is not a good thing for me to write when I am feeling frustrated....but here I am...writing. I am so tired of people walking around saying they love Jesus but unwilling to ever live the way that He has called us to live...different form the world. We want BOTH worlds. We want to raise our hands in praise on Sunday morning and on Monday evening curse the person who cuts us off or gossip about the person we don't like. You CANNOT have it both ways....we live in such a world that says," don't discourage....say only encouraging things. Only tell each other positive things."....so we walk around unwilling to call out sin. We might hurt someone's heart if we do that! So we are willing to let someone live their entire life in sin and away from the heart of God because we are afraid of offending them. I am not saying that we should rant and rave and bible thump everyone around us! I am saying we should be living a life that is SO different from the world that they LONG for what we have! I am saying that we should dress, watch, listen, talk, act, and think DIFFERENT from the world....because they should be wanting what we have....not the other way around. Yet, over and over, I see us...the believers....acting as though we are "missing out" on SO many things because we "have" to obey God....this makes me angry and frustrated! We have a different standard from the world because we have a relationship with the Creator of the world. Out of that relationship flows a love and longing so deep within us that we are willing to walk into fire, into a lions den, into a stadium in Rome full of death, just to be closer to the heart of Christ. We have had a moment that is so profound in our lives that we fully understand that we do not live for ourselves but for the One who died and rose for us. We understand that this world is completely deceived into thinking that movies, music, and money are somehow fulfilling to us,...and we should GRIEVE this! When was the last time your soul was truly grieved over people dying and going to hell? When was the last time you fell to your knees in despair because there is so much sadness and hopelessness in this world and WE HAVE THE HOPE and yet the world will not accept it? When?!? I fear we have lost the ability to grieve the lost because we are to busy grieving what we are "missing out on"..... This needs to stop. This needs to change!! I am so sick of hearing every excuse in the world why we SHOULD participate in the worlds music, clothing, dating games, ect....and believers actually getting angry and upset when someone asks them what is so different about them than the next "good person" in the room? Our Christianity has become about being good....and not about walking holy. I want nothing to do with this "good behavior"! I want my family far away from it....it is strangling and deceiving so many of us! There is a HUGE difference between being good and being holy.....but so many of us do not know the difference. I recently asked several adults, college students, and youth what the difference was between being holy and being good....most said that being holy meant you thought you were better than everyone else, or that being holy meant you had no fun in your life.  and that being good meant you were kind to people and respectful of them even if you didn't agree with them....sigh....seriously. How can we be a holy people if we don't even know what it means? How can we live a life that is different than the world if we think we miss out on so much "fun"?

      We want to claim the promises of Scripture when it is convenient but we don't want to obey the commands when it keeps us from watching, listening, or talking how we want. We want the Scripture to be our little encourager....not our sword. It is SO frustrating! The Bible is NOT an option for your life! You CANNOT live a holy life without being in the Bible. The end. Period. So why do more than 87% of believers say they have a huge struggle being in the Bible consistently?!? We don't have that problem watching the latest movie or knowing the latest song....or owning the latest fashion. Because those things MATTER to us. They are important to our every day lives and we make sure we KNOW them....but the Scripture?....it is left for those moments when we are dying or struggling or going through a crisis....but otherwise....it just needs to stay quite. This breaks my heart....in deep ways....ways that cannot even be expressed because I don't know the right words to describe the brokenness. I just know it is grieve worthy. And it needs to change. Now.
           My dear friends....His love for us is worth living a life that is different from this world! His plans for us and His dreams for us....beyond what we are capable of understanding. Why we long for the things of this world, just reveals to us even more just how little we understand about our eternal home and this world....the moments we spend here....they are just a breath....here....then gone. We are living as though this is it. And we are far, far off base.
       There is Heaven. There is our eternal kingdom full of radiance and beauty. Clear crystal waters cascading into stunning, rolling waterfalls. Walls built high with jewels that we cannot even imagine! Streets of gold leading up to a castle that our King reigns from....streets that are paved with the footsteps of Abraham and Joseph....Ruth and Esther...Peter and John the Baptist! These streets are lined with the joyful praise of our sisters and brothers who died for speaking His name! The skies are full of light that shimmers and the rushing of angels as they go to and from their work. This is a real place. This is where one day we will live. And yet....we live like it is pretend. A great thing to believe in but not something we are really willing to change our life for.

           If only we could truly understand just how all this plays out....one day we will...and I fear the road is far less crowded than we think....God calls us to be CHANGED. He calls us to live a HOLY LIFE. He calls us to be DIFFERENT. And I can't help but wonder how many of us have  really and truly given over Lordship of our heart to the King....because when the Holy Spirit Himself comes and dwells WITHIN us, we our drawn to HIS things. We are pulled from within to the heart of WHO DWELLS WITHIN US. If we are not....if we are not willing to give up everything and walk to that fiery furnace, or lions den, or ride out the storms of Job, or stay in the prison for years like Joseph....if we are not willing to be crucified, killed or tortured because of our great love for Him....but let's take it even simpler....what if we are not even willing to turn off a tv show, put down a book, change the music station? What if the King of Kings asking us to live a life that is Holy by being modest, or watching what we put into our ears, eyes, and minds....what if that is asking to much of us? Really?! After all that He has done for us! How can this be to much? Why do I hear more and more people claiming to be believers, justifying why it is OK to watch movies with porn or listen to songs that speak with bad language or how is it OK to wear clothing that exposes more skin than most undergarments? Why is everyone so concerned with justifying the WRONG behavior but no one is fighting for the HOLY behavior? I just don't get it.....and I have tried...and tried....but I want to live a life that is DIFFERENT! That the world...those who do not know Christ....look at me and long for what I have. I want the Holy Spirit to live so loud in my life that everyone around me knows that Christ is ALIVE and that He is REAL and that there is SO MUCH MORE than the hurt and pain of this world. We are NOT a perfect people....we will never be.....I make no such claims....but as one of those who has been touched by the King....as one who has had much sin and been redeemed by a Savior who has looked upon me with great mercy and love....as one who has personally seen what God can do with a life of hopelessness.....as one who has felt deep despair and rejection only to be cradled in the arms of the King....as one who was blind with hurt and anguish and was given sight into beauty and redemption....how can I NOT be different from this world after these encounters?!
 We MUST be! We MUST stand apart! We MUST be willing to live for Him in EVERY AREA OF OUR LIFE!
       So friends....seek HIM. Pray. USE HIS WORD. BE DIFFERENT.

Brave enough to just be:

       

                                             "Are you willing to be brave enough to trust me?".....how many times my Heavenly Father has asked this of me, I don't know. More than I can count. Being brave is hard. Trust is hard. Being brave enough TO trust can seem impossible! But that is what we are asked to do....to have courage and trust Him in ALL things. That means that I am to trust Him completely when I don't like what is going on, or when someone is hurting and I can't fix it, or when something is going on that I don't like.
       One of the hardest things for me to trust is is God's Truth about myself. I struggle with being brave enough to just "be" because I always worry I will fail by "being me"....I don't know why this is such a struggle for me but it is. Doubts creep in and old lies start ringing in my ears and my faith seems to shrink in the face of certain things. God's Word tells us that we are to have faith like a mustard seed to move mountains....well let me tell you....at times....my faith seems to be even tinier than that tiny seed. I sit back and wonder how I can struggle with my faith so much when God has proven over and over how faithful He is....and it frustrates me that my faith seems to be so tied up in my "feelings" for the day. I long for something deeper. I long for that faith that Abraham and Noah and David and Esther had....the faith that seemed unwavering....
        So I dove into those stories and what I found surprised me. The very people that I had esteemed to such a high place, struggled with their faith. They doubted. They wondered. They questioned. They were a lot like me. They KNEW deep in their hearts that God was the author of the story but they still wondered about the next chapter. They didn't always make the right choice and things didn't always go the way they had hoped. They weren't perfect daughters, mothers, or wives. They had down days and they had up days. There were moments when they were fiercely brave only to hide in the mountains the next day. There were seasons of their lives that were strong and beautiful and seasons that were filled with grief and sorrow or shame and sin. They lived....just like us. They had bills to pay and clothes to buy and children to raise and spouses to honor and life to live....and they lived it. They believed. They sinned. They repented. They cried and they danced. And somehow....God chose their story to become part of His beautiful Word.

      It is in the daily LIVING of their lives that I can see how alike we are. It isn't about becoming the "perfect" person who never doubts and never fears.....it is about trusting God THROUGH the doubts. It is about standing strong when your knees or heart is shaking with fear.It is about walking each day in honesty before Christ. It is about me saying to you," I am scared and I have doubts at times that all this can really work out for my good. I don't always say or think or do the right thing. I am not always a good mom or a good wife. I can let myself down and let others down without even meaning to at times." I need to be honest with people. I need to be honest with myself. But I also need you to know that even though I struggle daily....I KNOW I have a King who is in constant pursuit of my heart. I have the Holy Spirit living inside of me speaking to my heart moment by moment. I have a Father who loves me just as I am....messy house, messy children, messy life....and all. He doesn't ask me to work harder at being better. Instead, He changes the very fabric of my heart from the inside out and I become a better mom, wife, daughter because of HIS SPIRIT INSIDE OF ME. If I could ever remember this throughout each moment of each day, I know it would take a lot of pressure off!
      My faith may not be what I want it to be right now but it is growing. Each day I am learning more about Jesus and His example, I am learning about the Holy Spirit and how to let HIM live through my every moment each day, and I am still learning a great deal about the loving pursuit of a Creator who longs for intimacy with His creation. And I am learning that I am braver than I think I am because of HIM. I am learning that I don't have to know all the answers to life's tough questions. I don't have to always look put together or pretty. I don't always need to be involved in the next big thing....I can just be me. A daughter who is learning to be brave. A daughter who is learning to trust. A daughter who is not to cool to be truly honest about the struggles of life. A daughter....just like you.
       My prayer for you my friend, is that you will not feel pressure to perform but will instead feel freedom to live...truly LIVE.....with the wind in your hair, sun in your face, messy hair everywhere kind of abandon. Because you are created with such uniqueness that the very One who created you, looks on you with rapture and enough joy in His being for you being you...that He sings over you! So be brave my friend....be brave enough to just be....

   

How do you forgive?

                                                                 How do you forgive?
      This is a question I have been asked a lot....people know WHY they should forgive and people know WANT to forgive....but HOW can seem elusive at times. We have all heard the saying, " Don't forgive for them, forgive for you." And that sounds great....BUT HOW? When your heart has been broken and shattered inside of you because of the actions of another person, when someone you trusted to keep you safe from harm caused terrible harm, when you have forgiven in the past only to have it thrown in your face with another slap again and again.... it does something inside you....many times the hurt that was done against you is still throbbing with pain so thinking of forgiving someone for that seems impossible. So let me just be as honest about forgiveness as I can be. YOU CANNOT FORGIVE SOMEONE ON YOUR OWN STRENGTH. It IS impossible. So that should take a little off your shoulders, right....because simply put...you can't.

          I have been asked how I could forgive my daughter after she attacked me over and over...I have been asked why I would forgive my husband after all he did to destroy our marriage....and the answer is far more simple than people expect. I cannot forgive them. The Holy Spirit can. I have to fully surrender myself....how" I "feel...how "I" want to be....how "I "want them to be judged....how "I " deserve better....on and on it can go. For me to truly forgive I have to surrender to Christ. This was really hard for me at first with my husband because even though I loved him and wanted him to become better, I didn't know if I would ever be able to forgive him for the things he had done against our family and our marriage, and so I took that to God. Daily. Many times a day. I began to pray for him very specifically and when you pray with specific intention for someone every day....that makes it a lot harder to hold on to that unforgiveness. Because through prayer, God restores, renews, and revives. And so even when I didn't want to pray for him...even when it didn't seem fair to me that I was the only one doing the praying....I still prayed.
You just do the next right thing. And then the next...
 You keep praying and you don't stop.
Forgiveness breaks the cycle of abuse....so do I want the cycle to continue or do I want it broken?

         Over time I came to understand my choosing to forgive does not mean I forget or act like it never happened in any way....it actually means I fully acknowledge the hurt and the pain that was caused by someones actions and I choose to....let.it.go. I choose to no longer hold those actions against them. I choose to not throw those actions back in their face the next time I get upset with them. I choose to fully see with my spiritual eyes...not just my physical ones....that I have been lavished with grace by my Father even though I sin against Him every day and my sin is why Jesus had to die...and it is no different than anyone else's sin.
        Forgiveness is spiritual. When forgiveness seems impossible....but your heart is surrendered to the Will of the Father....the Holy Spirit will work forgiveness in your heart. It is part of the transforming He does in our hearts.....so let Him. Trust Him.
    If I had to give 5 steps to walk in forgiveness, this would be what they are:
        1. Pray for your enemies. Even when I don't want to.
        2. Give the same amount of forgiveness that you have been given by Christ. "While we were     STILL sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8
        3. Remember that forgiveness does not mean forgetting.
        4. Understand that  I CANNOT walk fully in Christ if I am holding on to                                      unforgiveness.

  5.  Never under estimate the power of God's restorative power! I don't have to forgive because the Holy Spirit does it through me...that takes all the burden off  me:)


Let me just tell you...last year, I would not have been able to tell you for sure if I was going to be able to walk in forgiveness. It is a choice that I made every day to surrender MY WILL to God's. It was the desire to let God completely rule my heart, my emotions, and my desires and not wanting the enemy to win in any sort of way! I want to be LIKE Christ and to do that I have to follow HIS example. So today...right now...pray. Ask God to pour His forgiveness in your heart so that it overflows onto all those who have hurt you. Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to you everyone that you are holding unforgiveness against....write it down and pray over those names daily. Don't stop. Thank Christ every day for His forgiveness that has been lavished on you and pray that you will follow that example.  Trust the heart of the Father who has forgiven us from so much and our ability to forgive others is what makes us different from the world. So let's be different! Let's forgive. Always.

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