Where does one begin to write about when facing the year we have had? Where does one start? How can I put into words everything that we have went through and how God has spoken over our lives and reached across the spiritual into the physical with such mighty power that it has left us breathless with wonder and awe of His love for us?! I will try my best and pray that my heart is transparent and open for all to see the great transformation our family has had over the year 2014....
When this year started we had no idea the challenges, hurts, agony, joy, wonder, and redemption that awaited us...isn't that a fascinating thing to think about? We have no idea what tomorrow brings...but God does. Have you taken the time this year to really stop and think about Christmas? What does it mean?
This has been such a learning year for our family and one thing we have learned alot of is Christ....His passion, His love, His emotion for us...His children. That is what Christmas is all about...it all started in the garden of Eden and continued in a beautiful love story full of the pursuit of the King seeking the heart of His children. The creator loving the created. And on Christmas day that love became flesh. The Kingdom of heaven was traded for a dirty barn. The heavenly host praises were given up for the questions of men...and it was all given up with such love! How can we ever claim that God is not real! How can we ever think He doesn't love us?! When all of Heaven was traded in...for this...life. Here on earth with all of its hurts and pain....taken on willingly because of His great love for us...sigh....amazing love, how can it be!?!
So back to our part of this love story...my husband JT has struggled with addictions since he was a young teen. He has never been able to completely rid them from his life no matter how hard he tried...and it caused many, many problems in our marriage because as with most addictions, the lies and deceit came and it damaged our marriage and has damaged it for nearly 14 years...and there were moments when I was certain that we would not be able to recover. The damage was to great. The pain to deep...and the best thing would be for us to just start over. JT and I decided that the very last hope was for him to go into treatment somewhere that would help him deal with these addictions head on. It was not a choice that we made lightly...and it came at a great price to our family...but it was JT's ONLY hope of being able to walk in freedom from these addictions that had held him in bondage for so long. So he entered into a treatment facility in August that would end up lasting until December. It was long and painful and wonderful and amazing and beautiful. I saw my husbands heart break and I felt his tears fall on mine. I saw my heart agonize and seek for answers and I saw the Holy Spirit bring peace and healing. I saw daughters who struggled with the why come to understand the provision of God in their lives. I saw tiny daughters begin with tears and end with dances of praise! I saw a living testimony walk through each step with us. I came to know the Holy Spirit in such a deep way that I never would have known had I not walked this road. It was part of our love story....part of the pursuit of our complete hearts...not just part...but ALL.
During this time our precious Kari continued to struggle with rages and ended up attacking to the point of having to go into a treatment facility to help her learn of her own actions and consequences of those actions...many, many tears came with this part of the story. Deep racking sobs that felt the soul tear apart...deep sadness and feelings of failure as I looked at a marriage and my daughters life and saw pain everywhere. Falling to your knees unsure of whether you would be able to get back up...and having friends show up right at that moment to help you stand...and hold you up when your knees would buckle. Our part of the story included friends that became family and family that became friends as they helped support us with words, calls, prayers, and gifts....relationships that cannot be broken because they are built on Christ....all the while...the pursuit. The Christ that came down as flesh, becoming broken for us, so that we as broken people could become whole. This learning of the Spirit of Christ...not just Christmas...has been world changing for us as a family!
So even though our Christmas letter this year is not full of laughter and giggles...it IS full of redemption and renewal! It is ONLY by the wondrous nature of Christ that our marriage is not just together...but still passionately in love! It is by the power of the Holy Spirit that every day we wake up not knowing where the manna will come from for the day ahead...the bills ahead....but KNOWING that it WILL COME....because God ALWAYS provides. Sometimes in ways that leave me scratching my head wondering why and sometimes in ways that leave me down on my knees in awe! Each one of us have learned...ARE LEARNING....so much about the faithfulness of God. His provision, His love, His pursuit....and He sees this year that has been as a beautiful year! We could easily look back and say," why?"....we could get frustrated at the journey that we have been on for so long...or we can praise. It is just that simple. We CHOOSE each day to wake up and walk in faith or not. And I don't mean to wake up each day with laughter and giggles...there have been plenty of days that nothing but tears have come from me...but it is about faith. Believing that the Three that hovered over the nothingness and created beauty, that the One who began a passionate love story way back in the Garden is still writing that love story. It is about surrendering all we have....sigh...ALL. We. Have....to Him. Every thought, every bill, every need, every want, every bondage, every hurt,every joy, ALL....and then believing that He is faithful to His word! Because friends....the one thing I have learned more than anything is He IS FAITHFUL! He will not leave you in that hurt you feel right now. He will not walk away from you because of that addiction that you cannot stop no matter how hard you try. He will not judge you because you don't "live up" to His expectations....no....He loves you. He loves you in ways that are beyond what we are capable of understanding. He pursues us in ways that we can only imagine! We are His beloved. He children. His heir to His kingdom. His beautiful, broken, amazing family and I am so humbled to be in this family!
So for us...this Christmas is about the WHOLE story of Christ...the story that started in the Garden, walked through the wilderness, survived broken dreams, captivity, bondage from sin, until the beautiful chapter where Our God....Our Christ...took on the form of man to set us free forever....it is about the chapter at the tomb where angels asked why we looked for the living among the dead, and it is about this moment right now. This moment where you are reading this and I am writing this and together we are being pursued by a passionate Creator who loves us....and the story will change one day to a new setting of eternity where we will be a citizen of Heaven and the love story will continue forever from there....sigh....that is what Christmas is about for us this year. The Story.
So please....I ask you from deep within my heart....take time this season to stop. To breathe. To kiss. To hug. To talk. To listen....we are given a million beautiful moments of grace every single day and we miss them so many times because we are so busy and hurried....so just stop. Turn off all the tv's and games, put on some beautiful music, gather your family around and ask each of them what they think is the most important part of Christmas and how they live out that belief....listen to each other's hearts. Cherish that moment of grace you have been given.
Merry Christmas my friends.
JT and Brandi Shearer
Whitney, Kari, Searra, Chyanne, Mercy and Gracie
I leave you with this video...I love it because it is not all about the beauty of Christmas but the pain that comes with life as well...and the knowing that it was from that moment of Christ being born that brought us into this moment of peace...
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