He is here!

     

           I sit and stare....just gazing at this paper in front of me...mesmerized.  My eyes will not be given freedom from this tiny, little piece of paper. It is so small and written so neatly...and it holds such deep truths for me. It is the letter I wrote last year going into the new year. 2013 was over and 2014 was just beginning and my heart was full of the promises that could be...and never were. I had such hopes going into last year. I had written my prayer for the new year like I always do...year after year...and at the end of each year, I pull them out and read over them. But this year...it just took my breath away. I had written about my hopes and my dreams, the deepest desires of my heart for the next year. I had prayed over this letter and asked God to bless our next year and fill it with adventures of growth. And this was by far the worst year...and the best. 

     As I sat there remembering how I felt a year ago as I had written this letter, I began to feel so small. We live in this amazing beautiful world that God created, and there is always the spiritual going on right alongside the physical. Both worlds flowing together...one unseen and one overwhelming. We forget at times that the picture we see and deal with every day is such a tiny part of the picture...the beautiful, unforgettable picture of God's love story for us. Always pursuing...always reaching out...always active. Always so much bigger than what we know...
     I had no idea as I sat there and wrote, what the year ahead would bring our family. I had no idea of the hurt and deep, soul-filled sobs that would emerge from my spirit. I did not understand that doubts and fears would plague me for long sleepless nights. I could not see as I sat in the quiet with my pen and paper that very shortly our family would walk through a dark valley that would threaten to destroy us all...nor did I have any idea of how the angels were already at work preparing for our battle. I did not know that the Holy Spirit was preparing the hearts of my children, my husband, and myself to be able to walk through this next adventure to come. I wasn't thinking about the moments that were to come when I would be free falling and completely unsure of where I would land...

     Just like now....as I sit here and write this and wonder about the upcoming New Year. I view it all so differently this year. Last year I went into the new year with my plans. My dream. My thoughts. My goals. But this year....I have but one thing I will do. I will open my hands in complete surrender with each finger stretched out wide. I will accept whatever this year holds with a heart of gratefulness...because out of all that I have learned this past year, one of the most important is this: God will provide. He just will. Whether it is food, or money for a bill, or strength, or patience, or grace....or forgiveness. Or wisdom. God WILL provide. So I don't have to know what this next year is going to bring. I don't have to make all the plans and goals although there is nothing wrong with any of those things...I just have to have hope.  I have to keep walking forward each day in the faith that God is continually pursuing us with deep passion. I have to know that His Word is true and then...I just have to stand on it even when I don't "feel" it.
       We have come through a time where I literally feel as though we have seen the waters part and we have walked on dry land. I feel this past year we have seen miracles and I have gotten to know the Holy Spirit in such an intimate way that it still leaves me breathless! In August, I wasn't sure if my marriage would make it. I didn't know if our family would survive the problems that come with mental illness that my daughter was walking through. I wasn't sure if "hope" was a real thing....and even though my knees became raw and my eyes burned from crying....God provided. I am sitting here today writing this more in love than ever with my husband. My daughter who struggles with mental illness is safe. God provided. Hope won. The enemy may have fought hard against our family and I know he will continue to do so...but hope wins. I will not fear when I have walked through such darkness and God has never left me....how can I? I have been in utter despair and God has heard my cries...He has redeemed our family. He has rescued and restored my marriage....God is here! Right here. Right in this moment. Right now.

           How can I not sing at the top of my lungs or dance around?! GOD PROVIDED!!! I would never have once chosen on my own to walk this journey. I would never have once chosen to walk a road of addiction and rehab with my husband, or mental illness and despair with my daughter. I would never have chosen for our family to be without any income for nearly four months. I would never have chosen this...but I am so grateful that I walked it. I am so grateful that I have gotten to know many others who walk this road right beside me and know exactly what I am talking about right now:)   I am so grateful that our family didn't just survive this chapter....but we learned from it! We grew as a family, a couple, a daughter and son of the King.          

           Maybe for you, it is through an illness or a death, or a loss of a home. A divorce or a heartbreak that you know you cannot make it through... I think that through our greatest grief, we see the hand of God most clearly. It is when we are in our rawest moments, stripped of all the facades that we show the world....it is in those moments that God reveals Himself in such ways that will take our breath away. When the tears are falling, and our throats are aching from crying out to Him....when there is no physical way we can survive...the spiritual is moving. Our spirit may be groaning because at that moment it is all we can do....and the spiritual is moving. Your heart may be broken right now at this moment....your spirit may be overwhelmed...and the spiritual is moving. 

      There is not one moment of this past year or the upcoming year that you were or will be alone. There is not one moment that you were forgotten or overlooked....you are His beloved! We are His cherished children....and the ones that He pursues to the point of giving up all of His kingdom and dying for us JUST so that we can have an intimate, active, beautiful relationship with Him. He is in every single one of our moments. Every. Single. One. When you are feeling alone and scared...He is there. When your heart is down and in great despair...He is there. When your mind is full of doubts and fears....He. Is. There. This is something I know to be as true as the air in my lungs! He. Is. Here. Surrender. Open your hands. Stretch out your fingers. Raise your face to the sun and breathe deeply...He. Is. Here.

       So this year, as we surrender all of our everything to Him, let us just drop all the pretending and let's just have a year of being completely honest with each other. Let us share our hearts with each other and let us wrap our arms around each other. Let us take this next year to just live by these simple things: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. I pray we will take this year to realize that everything is spiritual. That God is in every detail of our lives. Quiet your soul my friend....He is here. This next year already belongs to Him. Let Him have it. Open those hands....stretch out each finger....and surrender. Give this year to Him. Take a deep breath and just sit back in the shelter of Him. His love for you is beyond what you know or can imagine....and it never stops....and He is here!