How is your marriage like an abandoned house?

         Abandoned houses....I have this weird fascination with them. I love walking through them and I love thinking about all the memories that were made there. My grandma use to take us through many old houses and make up stories about who must have lived there and what they must have dreamed....it gave me this deep appreciation for them and the sadness they represented. The other day when I was looking through photos of old houses I was reminded just how much they are like marriages. Abandoned houses....like marriages....can start out so beautiful but soon turn into lonely sadness of what use to be or what should have been....

    When we first fall in love, we have grand visions and beautiful thoughts of what will be....we begin to build our marriage one beautiful layer after another. Some of the bricks we use to build our marriage is ministry, work, or things.  Some of the paint we use is date night, romantic dinners, and fun adventures.  Some of the nails we use may be talking and sharing our life experiences.....but as time goes by....if we don't maintain our marriage....it begins to crumble.

      At first it is in places you can't really see....in the corners....where slowing you began to see some fading. Perhaps there are children that come along and that makes it a little more difficult to spend alone time together. Maybe it is that you are both so involved in ministry and helping others that when you get home, you both are to exhausted to talk about your own marriage, struggles, issues.....so they build. And over time....the beauty of what you thought your marriage could or would be....isn't.  You begin to feel lonely and sad....maybe depression sets in or addictions to other things because you are looking for those beautiful feelings once more. If you AND your spouse don't stop and begin to fix what is broken....if you continue to ignore or maybe even tell yourself it isn't that bad....if you are "ok" with how things are between you and your spouse....then you are well on your way to having a marriage that resembles an abandoned mansion. Beautiful on the outside....but on the inside....lonely and forsaken.

         So what do you do if this is the case? What if you know there are things that need to be taken care of and worked on....but you don't even know where to start? I am going to give you five things that my husband and I have found are critical for marriages to stay strong and beautiful from the inside out! These are things that we have dealt with in our own marriage and have come to see the benefit and how CRITICAL it is to stay on top of these things. If you do....if you BOTH do....the difference in your marriage will be amazing!
           So number 1: Pray together. It never ceases to amaze me how little couples actually pray together. It becomes something that is forgotten, hurried through or altogether given up. Stop this! Take time to hold each others hands....get on your knees together....and pray. Go before the very One who brought you together and PRAY! DO NOT skip this step! Even if you begin by praying together once a week....do that. Make it a priority. And PRAY.
           Number 2: Communicate with each other. This very word scares most men:) One of the things that marriages who struggle talk about the most....communication. One or both are not being heard or do not feel like the other one is truly listening.  To communicate means to share or exchange information, ideas, or news. This means that you both have to share and you both have to listen.  And this is usually the first thing that goes in a marriage....because one or both shut down. They just get tired or give up and they simply shut down. For a marriage to work the way God intended....you MUST communicate. Having six daughters who all love to talk, we know all to well how difficult this can be. Making time for just you and your spouse to communicate with each other and only each other is so important. Make it a priority no matter how late it is, how tired you are, or how long the day has been.....your marriage is worth it.

             Number 3: Make love. I know there are some of you reading this right now with mouths hanging open....and you can't believe I just said that. But friends....God is the One who gave us the gift and the ability to make love to our spouse. He is the One who gave us the JOY of lovemaking and it is a huge part of how we communicate with each other as spouses. When we first get married, we enjoy the ability to make love to our spouses, but somewhere along the way, we lose that joy. Fight for it! Don't be afraid of it and don't think for one second that just because you have been married for plus years you shouldn't be making love with each other often! OK.....enough on that one....I will save the rest of that soapbox for  another blog ;)
            Number 4: Know who your enemy is. This. This is HUGE! When I started realizing that my enemy was never my husband....but the sin....it changed my life. I then was able to battle against the correct enemy....and the enemy is NEVER your spouse. Never. No matter what they are doing or what they have done....they are not the enemy. Satan is. Sin is. Sin is  the one who continually deceives and trick and connives and lures us to forget our TRUE love...Christ. For then we become self-seekers and our marriage is well on its way for ruin. You and your spouse are ONE. God created it that way. So knowing who your enemy is allows you the ability to fight FOR and WITH your spouse. Never AT your spouse.

             Number 5: Serve each other/together. This is a tricky one.....be careful to keep your service within the boundaries that are the best for your marriage. It is easy to let serving others jump in front of serving each other. Be careful with this! Have people in your life that you and your spouse are accountable to that help you keep this in check. Be wise enough to listen when they caution you to put your marriage first above service of others. This is going to be harder for some of you than others....for me....I still struggle with this but I am learning to trust the people God has put in my life to help me keep this in check and I heed their wisdom. This requires me to say the dreaded word...NO....and it is not something I am good at, but I am getting better:)
           Fight for your marriage. Not for you to just be comfortable with it....but for you and your spouse to still be deeply in love. Fight for a oneness with each other that God ordained from the beginning. Fight for the intimacy that God longs for you to have with each other and with Him. Don't just sit by and watch your marriage become an abandoned mansion of misplaced dreams and broken plans.... You can start today and begin a walk toward each other once more.....and I promise you....your marriage is worth it!
 

Beautiful Ashes of Grace: Learning the hard lessons:

Beautiful Ashes of Grace: Learning the hard lessons::          I am sitting here trying to figure out how to put into words what I am feeling....and I am really struggling. I can't hardly...

Learning the hard lessons:

         I am sitting here trying to figure out how to put into words what I am feeling....and I am really struggling. I can't hardly see due to the tears that keep falling down my face.....you see....here we are at Christmas. Again. Another year gone and another year to celebrate the birth of our King. But I am seriously struggling with how my children feel about giving.
          Am I teaching them that giving is TRULY more important than getting? Would they be willing to walk away from a gift for them, to give someone else a gift? I don't know.....it seems in our society more and more children are walking around entitled. They have a sense of "deserving" this or that, when they have done nothing to deserve it. They want to fit in with everyone around them which means they want the newest phone, the newest electronic, the coolest name brand clothes or the most recent music that everyone is listening to....and it breaks my heart. I am watching a generation grow up without having a clue as to what it truly means to give....to the sacrifice. Oh sure they will give some change in the red cross bucket or buy a friend a gift....but it isn't really costing them anything....it isn't sacrificing.They aren't going without so that someone else can have. They aren't having to sacrifice as long they still get....
        Sacrificial love isn't about giving because you have enough to share....it is about giving your all. It is about going without so that someone else can have what is yours. It is about sharing when there ISN'T enough to share....sacrificing. It is about the beautiful elderly woman in Mark 12:42 who gave her last penny...her all.  I want my children to know what it means to sacrifice....to give up...to go without. That is the kind of giving I want my children to know....they are very good at sharing....as long as it doesn't really cost them. They love to buy the coffee for the person in line behind us....as long as they still get theirs. They love to pay for the gas of the person beside us....as long as they can still go where they need to. But would they be willing to share if it truly cost them....after this week, I realize that we still have training to do....
       Do my children even know what sacrifice means? And how very important it is that we understand and practice this? We live in such a "get" world....every day it is about what we can get, how fast we can get it, and who is stopping us from getting it....it shows in how we treat cars that cut us off, in how we treat the people in a long line at the store, in how we treat our spouse and our children when things aren't done on our time table....and our children absorb and soak in all of it. They watch....and learn...and duplicate.

       Then we have the issue of comparing....our friends have a phone, mp3 player, gaming system, ect.....so we too need those things. Our friends are allowed to watch that movie, listen to that song, date that person....so we should be allowed to as well. And for me....in the last few years....I allowed a subtle shift of priorities. I stopped training as much as I started giving in....it was just easier and I was weary.
       The last few years have been rough to say the least and in trying to stand strong, stay focused, stay true to my faith....and in just being weary from the battle....I got tired. My husband wasn't on the same page as me and my family was falling apart and I was desperately trying to hold all the pieces together and now I see that I let some of my belief system be changed because of my exhaustion and weariness....and isn't that where satan wants us to be at? Weary? Tired? Overwhelmed? Letting our guard down so that he can sneak in and deceive.
       So now it is time to refocus....once the Holy Spirit brings something to our attention, we have the choice, just like every child, to choose to obey or continue on in our ways. I choose to turn around. I choose to acknowledge that I still have alot of room for improvement as a parent and I choose to listen to the wisdom of the Holy Spirit. I choose to fight for my family. I choose to not give up because it is easier to give in than to train.

            So I challenge you to take an honest look at your family. Be willing to hold up the mirror of God's Word and see what your family can change to walk in a more intimate way with Jesus. Don't be afraid to see what the weaknesses are in your family....we are not expected to be a perfect family...but are we growing? Do we pursue and search the heart of Christ as a family? Do we have those conversations with our children that challenge them in their faith and make them seek out their own hearts of who they serve...and why. Are we teaching our children that the Holy Spirit is a great teacher and that when He shows us these things, it is because He loves us. He longs for us to be ever closer....ever pursuing...ever seeking. His love for us is beyond what we can ever fathom with our physical brain and that by giving our all in all areas, we are getting more than we can comprehend? 

        This week has been a great lesson for me....and one I am learning from. We are not a perfect family. We have our struggles and our weaknesses. But it is BECAUSE of those weaknesses that Christ is glorified through us as we continue to  learn as a family how to fall deeper in love with our King. I am proud of my daughters for desiring to learn more about the heart of Jesus....even when the lesson is a hard one. I am grateful that Jesus never gives up on us....and that He lovingly teaches us lessons that are vital for us to learn. So I pray the lessons continue....I pray we continue to learn of our weak areas as a family and that we are not afraid to talk about the things we struggle with as we push on together in learning how to be more Christlike....in every area..... and that this year we give our all. In all areas. In all ways.

   

Beautiful Ashes of Grace: When your heart is just plain weary

Beautiful Ashes of Grace: When your heart is just plain weary:       One of the things I have noticed lately is that we as women are tired. Just plain tired. We are weary of laundry, dishes, busy sche...

When your heart is just plain weary

      One of the things I have noticed lately is that we as women are tired. Just plain tired. We are weary of laundry, dishes, busy schedules, and dreams being broken. Our hearts are heavy with grief over jobs lost, children hurting, husbands struggling, and watching a world fall to pieces. We deal with feeling loneliness even though we are surrounded by people.  We feel the pain of the mommies all over the world who fear for the children's lives right now and we feel the brokenness of so many because we are women....and we were created to feel...and feel deeply.
      We are weary.....and at times it seems like the weariness is just to deep and the ache in our hearts is to sharp and all we can think about is surviving. At times it seems like each breath we take inhales more pain and with each exhale we fall deeper into those feelings of unworthiness, not good enough, not strong enough, not on top of things enough.....just not enough. Our hearts have become weary from all the ugliness of the world and the hateful words and the cheap shots.

        And so today.....I offer a small place to come and find comfort. I offer a few words that I pray will soothe your tired heart. You are loved. You are a precious daughter of a King. You were created with aching tenderness from an artist that captured all of everything beautiful into one beautiful creation....you! You have a great and mighty purpose. You may not always feel like you do....but you do. Always. You are making a difference. You are not alone in your struggles. You are pursued by a great lover. You are treasured and cherished exactly as you are. You are achingly beautiful to your Heavenly groom.
      Today....go outside....even if just for a moment. Take a deep breath. Lift your arms in praise....don't be afraid of anyone around you. For just this moment....it is you and your King. Praise Him. Thank Him. Trust His heart....and know that right now at this very moment....even as you read these words....the Holy Spirit is here with you. He is hearing your tears and see's your heavy heart. He knows how brave you are trying to be and yet how broken you feel inside....and He is here. He is looking at you with deep tenderness in His eyes and He is singing over you. The God who created this world around us by speaking it into being....is with you right now. And He is proud of you. He is in a covenant with you that cannot be broken. You have a beautiful story already written and as daughters of the King....it ends in Victory!! It does not end in defeat. It ends in glory my friend....so hang in there. The chapter you are in right now, may not be a fun one and it may have more tears than laughing right now....but it is just a chapter. And there are many more chapters to be read still....so hang in there my beautiful sisters. And today....just for this moment....breathe in His grace and exhale out His goodness.

It seems to me....

      To be real. To be completely, honestly and brutally real. That is hard. That is not something that we do with each other very often, if ever. We like to hide behind our mask and our facades....we feel safe there. But to peel off every layer and lay our heart out for all....that is hard. Because people judge. People condemn. People are harsh.....and so we protect ourselves and walk around in a world full of people feeling alone and overwhelmed. We desperately seek help from our prescriptions and our self-help books or t.v. shows all the while truly struggling with feeling less and less as a wife, a mother, a daughter.....a human.
      And you know what.....I am just so sick of it. I am so sick and sad from hearing about and watching all the people who tried so hard to hold it together and finally gave up and either they commit suicide, kill someone else, or desperately try to drown themselves in alcohol, drugs, or sadness. Why can we not take off the mask? Why is it so very hard for us to reveal our true selves to each other? Why do we not feel the freedom to talk about our struggles and why do we not act as a community....a family....that supports each other and builds up instead of being so quick to tear down?
     We have gotten it in our heads somewhere that it is ok for us to point out the sins of all those around us...all in the name of the Lord of course......and for us to condemn and cast judgement on those who live a lifestyle that is not what we believe in. We don't realize that we have become the pharisee. We can't see that we are the ones holding stones and yelling as we shake our fingers in the broken ones face. That person that you rant on and on about....the one that you gossip about with everyone as you "pray" for them....or the one that openly lives a life that does not line up to Scripture....that person....Jesus DIED for them. Jesus gave up all of Heaven for 33 years so that the person that you just KNOW is in deep sin, could be set free.

        It seems to me that we as the family of Christ have completely forgotten the amazing and extraordinary grace that we ourselves receive daily. It seems to me that we should close those pointed fingers and instead bend our knee. It seems to me that if we truly wanted to live out the example that Christ left for us, we would befriend the ones who are hurting, alone, desperate, addicted, forgotten, broken......and we would teach them THROUGH LOVE that God pursues them with great purpose and that He has big plans for their lives and that they were created for joy and that Jesus adores them! Why are we so quick to hit hard and ruthless with all the Scriptures that talk about judgement.....but we ignore the ones on love conquering all, forgiveness over and over, grace beyond what we deserve, coming to heal the sick, and on and on.....?
            I just know this.....for me.....I want to be real with people. I struggle. I hurt. I cry like crazy at times. I mess up and have to ask for forgiveness.....daily. I am not perfect. I do not want to be associated with the word in anyway other than through the blood of Christ one day I will be perfect before Him in Heaven! I want to love those who ache within them because I have....am....one of them. I want to be brave and take a deep breath and show people the things I struggle with. I want to be able to show them that without the power of the Holy Spirit in my life, I am nothing but a scared, broken little girl. I want to show them that there is NOTHING....and I mean....absolutely NOTHING.....that is not redeemable. NOTHING. You can argue with me on that all you want....but I know my God is capable and willing for EVERYONE to come to know Him. I know that He desires for not ONE person to perish and I know that it is only HIS job to determine when someone is to far gone....not me. Never me. I am to love. I am to live out each of the fruits of the spirit daily....which are....love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Please tell me which of those fruits produce judgment, criticism, condemnation, or self-righteousness?
        I want my life to be about following the example that Christ set. I want to study His words and His ways and then reflect them. I want people to be drawn to me because of the Holy Spirit that lives within me. I want to be real.

Living in a boat of fear.

     

                                  Fear. Everyone knows this word. It can cripple. It can paralyze. It can make one hide with trembling inside. It is a terrible word and it holds a terrible power. It isn't just a word with any power...no...fear is something worse than that. It is a presence that is alive and sweeping across our families and our country contained into one tiny word...fear. I have seen the devastating effects of fear...I have myself been paralyzed as a young girl by fear. It gripped me in a powerful way and I couldn't even cry out because of the deep fear that was over me. I see many of us walking around in fear....we let it affect the way we parent, the way we work, the way we love our spouse.

      A long time ago, I decided that I would not let fear define me. I would fully face head on whatever it was I was afraid of...and until recently that has worked really well for me. I have learned to face things even if it means I face it with trembling knees. I have been talking to a lot of people lately and I keep hearing the word " afraid"; Afraid to make a mistake, Afraid someone is going to hurt you, Afraid your doing it all wrong, Afraid your going to miss something big, Afraid someone will find out....Afraid....and it has got me to think about how I still live in fear sometimes. I have let fear in my life way too much lately! I fear things like how I am parenting. Parenting is HARD and many times we are in waters of unknown terriortiy. Many, MANY times we go to bed wondering if we handled that situation right, or gave the best answer to that question, or just totally sent our child into a pit of despair, doomed to become some terrible criminal all because of how we parented them.Or how about our marriages....sigh....marriage requires HARD, HARD work on a daily basis and many times I have caught myself wondering if only I would do this or that better, than maybe my marriage would be better and that creates fear in me because " what if" I don't do it right...will my spouse leave or start looking for something/someone else? We fear we are not good enough or smart enough or brave enough or bold enough or....the list can go on and on....
       For some people, fear is not that big a deal. They are confident and sure of themeselves and they make a decision and walk boldly in that decision. I look up to those people. I admire them...but I am not one of them.
      So how do we make a stand against fear? As I have searched God's Word on this, I have come up with some pretty simple truths. Fear is rooted in lies. We must first believe the lie, then comes the fear....but we don't HAVE to fear. anything. We can make a stand to believe ONLY TRUTH and in truth, there is NO fear. Only Freedom.
        So why do I still fear? Why do I constantly worry about doing the wrong thing...or screwing up the lives of those around me? Why are there days when fear sweeps over me and leaves me gasping in its wake...crying out to God to protect me and those I love! Why does fear creep in even when I battle it?

        Fear creeps in.....because I let it. It is that simple. I take my eyes off of my King and I set them on the " things" going on around me and I give fear the right to be there....even if just for a moment. I read over and over again the story of Peter walking on the water...He was fixed on Jesus....and Peter asked Jesus to call him from the boat. Peter KNEW deep in his heart that Jesus always wanted his good. He trusted the King. He took those steps out of the boat and felt the water under his feet. He feet the swishing and the rolling of the waves UNDER him. He felt strong and completely sure of himself because the KING had called him to take these steps....and then....in just such a brief moment....his eyes caught the sight of the waves. His breath must have caught in his throat as he realized what he was doing! He couldn't be walking on the water! It was impossible!! Where moments before there was complete trust, fear now filled his being and he cried out," Lord! Save me!"......oh how I have been this person!!
         God calls me to walk out of the boat....He calls me to live a life that is different than others and everyone around me says," It is impossible!"....God calls me to stay married to someone who has broken our covenant. He calls me to stay committed to my daughter even though she continues to rage against our family. He calls me to stand in front of others and share my story even though He knows I am most comfortable INSIDE the boat. I want to see the boat under me....around me. I want to know I am safe and to take those steps out of this "boat" requires me to be in the middle of the sea with only water under me....knowing that I CANNOT walk on water... I WILL sink....and yet the King beckons...."Come....come to me. Come outside of the boat."
             I am trying to walk this life completely outside the boat. I try not to look around me or under me....but keep my eyes fixed on my King. Many times I have caught myself taking my eyes off and I start going under with the worry and stress of life and I cry out with all that is in me," Lord! Save me!"....and He does. His promises are so real my friends. They are not words written down for a rainy day....they are LIFE. They are sanity. They are strength. His words are a foundation under the water that I am walking on. I am coming to see that if I were to go back in the boat now, I would be stepping back into a boat of fear. The boat has become a "safe" place for me live out my faith....I can stay fearful but still praise on Sunday or during my Bible Study each week....as long as I have my comfortable, safe, boat of fear. See, all this time I thought the boat was the safe place and out there....on the water...that was the place of fear....but I was deceived.

        For me to walk in faith....I HAVE to get out of the boat and I HAVE to walk into the unknown in complete trust of my Father's heart. I have to take each day....each step....knowing that He is the One who CREATED the water. He speaks and it listens. Water cannot overwhelm me....fear can. Each situation that may "seem" to be overwhelming is a beautiful moment we are given to reflect the power of God's love in our life. The power of His forgiveness and His grace and His mercy and His HEART towards His beloved children. Each thing that the enemy tries to convince us is "to much"...is exactly what we need to shine the power of the Holy Spirit in our lives! There is NOTHING that is impossible with God! NOTHING!!!! And I have seen that with my own eyes over and over again....
            Finances, addictions, behavior issues, mental illness, exhaustion, medical problems, broken covenants, broken hearts....I have seen and felt the power of walking on the water through each of these moments and it is because HE CALLED ME FROM THE BOAT that I was able to experience His power in each of them. If I stayed in the boat.,...cowering in fear....I can barely think of it! How much I would have missed!
           I know life can "seem" scary...believe me....I know. But DO NOT let fear rule you. You are a beloved child of the Most High King! You have a heritage RICH with faith and strength. If we can start looking at each difficult thing as an amazing moment for our Lord to shine and reveal Himself to those around us watching....it is life changing. I remind myself every day that what the enemy intended for destruction, God now owns for beauty! Let us stand. Let us cast fear into the depths of the ocean....and let us clothe ourselves in Christ. Keeping our eyes....fixed....on HIS truths. And let none of us be able to stay in the boat....I pray that each of us take that first step out...with trembling hands, and heaving chests....and feel the beauty of the water under us as we look into the eyes of our beloved King!

when hope returns: a new chapter

             Do you feel that? That sweep of hope that brushed across your heart. That gentle pulling of newness and adventure that lay just up ahead. The darkness around you is starting to fade....subtly....and the winds of hope are now coming stronger and stronger....so you keep moving forward. You cannot even begin to stop....even when at times you do not feel the gentle whisper of hope. You stop...you bow your knee as a prayer swells up from your pain-filled heart...and there it is again. So you stand again....sometimes with knees that shake and tremble....but the hope that stirs within your spirit cannot be denied. You HAVE to move forward. It is a drawing from within your spirit...urging you on....encouraging you at your weakest, most exhausted moments. And so you keep moving forward. 

         This has been one of the most difficult seasons that I have ever walked. In this season we have walked through mental illness with my daughter, addiction recovery with my husband, rehabs, relapse, financial struggles of epic proportions, hurting hearts, broken dreams, broken spirits, broken hearts...times when I fell to my knees...no...I fell to my face before my Father and cried out with everything in me. Times when the hurt and pain I felt within would not even let me speak...so I groaned...and I cried....and I sat in silence just thinking and thinking. There have been times when I have seen the Holy Spirit provide in ways that left me breathless with wonder. There have been times when I have seen the body of Christ come together and support our family just a God intended....and there have been times when I have had to walk away from friendships because they have not understood why I stood by my daughter or my husband.....I have gained beautiful friends along this season....and I have lost some dear friends as well. That is part of  the journey I guess.....

       But the one thing that I have NOT lost....the one thing that I held tightly to with everything in me...the one thing that I clung to with every breath, every groan, every cry....was hope. Hope would not leave my heart alone. It would not abandon me ever....no...hope was always able to break through the tears, the pain, and the despair and bring a gentle breeze to my spirit. That hope was a beautiful gift...still is. It is everything that I stand on...hope. What is hope? Merriam-Webster defines is as this: to expect with confidence :  trust. I love that! To expect with confidence!! 

      I know my Father. I know His Word. I KNOW that He is always active in every detail of my life. These are things that no one or no circumstance can take away from me. Because I know my Father. It is truly that simple. So even though there may be times when I don't understand or like something that is going on....I can still have hope...to expect with confidence...that God is doing great things. During some of the most painful moments I walked during this time, I would be reminded that I need to sink my heels into what I did know...which was that I was a daughter of the King of Kings, that I was beloved and adored by my heavenly Father, that I was sealed and protected by the blood of Jesus, and that NOTHING could take away my faith...my hope....unless I chose to let it. 

       I have learned in so many ways that I am not to put my hope in the created, but instead ALWAYS in the Creator! God has never, ever, not once, left me. He has walked through every part of this journey with me always drawing me closer to His heart and giving me a deeper desire to learn more and more of His ways.....His heart. The other thing I have learned is that the enemy is very active in the war against us. Sometimes I think we can almost forget that through the craziness of life....but the enemy never forgets his mission. He has one goal that has been clearly defined in Scripture for us: The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy John 10:10. And also in 1 Peter 5:8 Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. It is very, very, very real. And I will not walk ignorantly or blindly anymore. I will walk with the authority of being the King of Kings daughter! I will walk in the confidence of HOPE! I will battle the enemy with the weapons that God gave me to do so....His Word. I have learned how very important it is for me to fight for my marriage....my children....with the Truth of God's Word. And with that knowledge comes even more hope! 

        Just a few months ago, I was certain that my marriage was ending....and that I would have to sit and watch my husband self destruct. I was certain that my heart would rupture within my chest from the pain that I felt as I watched my daughter walk through such darkness. And yet through it all....there was hope. How can this be? How can we possibly walk through such darkness and still feel hope? Because of Jesus. Because Jesus has already conquered death and the grave and fear and it has no authority over my life! Because God has given us through His Scripture many beautiful reminders of our brothers and sisters that have walked the journey before us where there should have been no hope...and there was! When things appeared to be the darkest....God was working. When things appeared to be full of despair....God was bringing gentle hope....He IS hope. ALWAYS. He does not change. 

       So friends....my dear sisters and brothers....even though at this very moment your heart may be so weary. You may be exhausted from crying and crying out. Your spirit may feel a heaviness that makes it difficult to even function....hope will return. Know this. Know that God is speaking hope over your life! Know that God is so active right now in the midst of that most desperate situation that you are in! Take a minute and just stop...right now....and sink your heels into who you know God is. 

      The winds are changing and I feel the first breeze of a new season. I can hold my husbands hand and know that God is doing a great work in both of our lives. I can brush my daughters hair back away from her face and know that she is loved by God far greater than I am capable of understanding. I can see the next bill due and know that God always provides. I can hear the whispers of newness....and I can breathe in the deep breath of freedom in Christ. I can stand on hope. And what a joy it is to raise my hands up in complete surrender, turn my face up to the sun, spin around in complete abandon and praise Him for being Hope! 

Just be still.....

           Being still is very hard for me. I like to go. I get great enjoyment out of movement....the DOING of something...anything....as long as it is doing....so when the Holy Spirit told me to be still....it was and IS hard. I don't do "still" very well...but I am learning that there is great value in the stillness of a body, a heart, a mind. When I am constantly going, my mind is always racing ahead to what is the next thing and many times I miss the current. In Psalms 37:7 it tells me to ," Be still before the Lord and wait for Him to act...." and for this season in my life that is exactly what He is wanting me to do. I am needing to learn how to just," be still". It sounds easy but stop for a minute and think about the last time you were just really still....listening....waiting....on the Lord. Your mind wasn't thinking ahead to the problems and worries of life or your body wasn't sitting in exhaustion or rearing to go. You were just being still. It's HARD to be still in today's world!

      We are not a "still" nation. Everything is go faster, get there quicker, hurry, hurry, hurry! And we are teaching that to our children. I am probably one of the worse....but God has really taken this crazy season in my life to teach me how to be still. We can have so many things on our plates...good, godly things...things that serve people and help others and "look" so good!....but they have us exhausted, burdened, stressed, and full of everything BUT joy. And so for this season, God has spoke very clearly to me about being quiet....still....and return to the simple things in life. These things for me are stuff like driving down a dirt road with the windows rolled down at dusk....dancing in the rain...laughing out loud when my daughters are silly, sitting at a table with my family for supper, playing a board game with family that last late into the night, kneeling at my bed with my tiny daughter and talking to Jesus. I somehow got so busy doing "good" things that I lost who God created me to be. He did not create me to be so busy that I fall into bed each night wondering where the day went and how the to-do list is still so long. He created me with a passion for lightning bugs and writing, for climbing in trees and walking down dirt roads, for hanging clothes on a clothes line and listening to horses play in the pasture....these are things that HE put in my heart that bring me joy. And I lost all of that....because the world...even the church...tells me to be busy. It tells me to do more, serve better, and always be on the go. And that is not the legacy I want to leave behind for my daughters. Serving is a beautiful thing. It is one of my greatest love languages....but God is teaching me that there is so much I still need to learn about just being still. It is the balance of the serving and the stillness that fills our heart with joy! What joy He has for us in sitting up late at night and watching stars! What joy He gives us in the sound of birds singing or in the  seeing the colors of flowers blooming! What beauty there is in watching rain fall from the sky or the morning sun peek over the treetops. I don't want to miss any of these things! I want to take this time He has given me and I want to soak up every single lesson He is teaching me about just being still and waiting on Him to act. I want to teach my daughters how to slow time down by being fully in each moment. I want to watch my husbands eyes as he tells me what God is teaching him and I want to savor the sounds of giggles and loud singing...sigh....I just want to "be still".

       I know I have alot to learn about this, but that's ok. I have the time. I don't have to let the world tell me how busy to be and I don't have to gain value or worth by all my "good deeds"....its ok for me to stop. serve my family. love my God with all my heart, soul, and mind. and...be still. I may not always be in this season of being still....but I am so grateful for it right now. I pray that it becomes a way of life for me. I hear and see so many things that I have missed out on in the past because I was rushing and hurrying to get to the next place I " needed" to serve and help at. So if you are weary, exhausted, and feeling like it is more about surviving then thriving....I understand. I have been there more often than not....and I encourage you to take a minute and breathe deeply. Hold it and count to three....then let it out slowly....and look around you and really SEE what is going on around you. Maybe you just need to grab your husbands hand and tell him you love him. Maybe you need to stop your child and just hold them in your arms for a minute. Maybe you need to cancel the days' activities and instead just "be" with each other. Don't be afraid of being still. It isn't as bad as you think....in fact...it is something that your heart is craving.

Worthy verses GREAT worth: the mountain and the hill dilemma

       

               I have this strange thing that I have struggled with most of my life...it is the feeling of being worthy verses the feeling of having GREAT worth....and I have realized that I am not alone in feeling this way. You see I know that God sees worth in me...I mean, He MUST. He sent His only son to die for me and He pursues an intimate relationship with me every moment of every day so He must see something of value in my life...something that WITH HIM, and THROUGH HIM is worthy of pursuing....and I get that. But then there is another side that I don't get it. The GREAT worth part. Now some of you people may not see the difference....but I know I'm not the only one who struggles with great worth. It is the struggle of wondering if you are of great worth...and why.
       For me it is like the difference between a hill and a mountain. When one climbs a hill, they may think," wow, that was pretty cool. I sure am glad I climbed that hill"...but when one climbs a mountain, one would think," WOW!!! This is AMAZING! This could be the most beautiful moment in my life...I mean just LOOK at the view!"....both have worth, but one seems to be of GREAT WORTH. I tend to look around me and feel like everyone around me is changing the world in far greater ways than I...and it leaves me feeling of less worth, which leads me to feeling pretty insecure about myself. I can look around and say," wow....look at Billy Graham,  Karen Kingsbury, or Beth Moore, or...the list can go on for quite awhile....and in their lives I see GREAT WORTH. They are reaching so many people and changing this world and so then I compare them to my life...and I am changing sheets on the bed and reaching for more dishes to wash. It just seems like they have more value in the Kingdom of Heaven than I would....and so I have struggled with this over and over and over, year after year after year and I am just now realizing that the problem isn't them or me. It is my PERCEPTION of great worth.

         When a mom comes up to me, tired and exhausted, I will be the first one to tell her of her value! I will hug on her and pray with her and probably make up some really cute little basket to give her later in the week just to remind her of her value....because that is what I believe...for her. But when it comes to myself....man....I am harsh and relentless. I will shrink from talking in front of someone because who am I? I will be embarrassed when someone says something nice about me because I think," If only they knew my house was a disaster, they wouldn't be saying this about me!" See what I mean...it is my PERCEPTION that is off. My perception of WHO I AM.
     So lately God has been relentless in speaking to my heart about this. He desires for me to change my view on this and He has made that VERY clear and so I want to change. I want to start seeing myself for who I am IN HIM. I want us, as women, to not be afraid to be ourselves in all our messy, dirty, hoarding, rushed, organized, crafting, crazy beauty that we are! I want to see myself as He see's me...so how does He see me?

          God tells me that He see's me as fearfully and wonderfully made....from birth...at the beginning of my life...in the womb. Psalm 139:14
           God tells me that I am complete in Him Who is the Head of all principality and power (Colossians 2:10
I am also told that I am alive with Christ (Ephesians 2:5

I am free from the law of sin and death (Romans 8:2).

I am far from oppression, and fear does not come near me (Isaiah 54:14).

I am born of God, and the evil one does not touch me (1 John 5:18).

I am holy and without blame before Him in love (Ephesians 1:4; 1 Peter 1:16).

I have the mind of Christ (1 Corinthians 2:16; Philippians 2:5).

I have the peace of God that passes all understanding (Philippians 4:7).

I have the Greater One living in me; greater is He Who is in me than he who is in the world (1 John 4:4).

I have received the gift of righteousness and reign as a king in life by Jesus Christ (Romans 5:17).

I have received the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of Jesus, the eyes of my understanding being enlightened (Ephesians 1:17-18).

I have received the power of the Holy Spirit to lay hands on the sick and see them recover, to cast out demons, to speak with new tongues.  I have power over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall by any means harm me (Mark 16:17-18; Luke 10:17-19).

I have put off the old man and have put on the new man, which is renewed in the knowledge after the image of Him Who created me (Colossians 3:9-10).

I have given, and it is given to me; good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over, men give into my bosom (Luke 6:38).

I have no lack for my God supplies all of my need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:19).

I can quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one with my shield of faith (Ephesians 6:16).

I can do all things through Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:13).

I show forth the praises of God Who has called me out of darkness into His marvelous light (1 Peter 2:9).

I am God’s child for I am born again of the incorruptible seed of the Word of God, which lives and abides forever (1 Peter 1:23).

I am God’s workmanship, created in Christ unto good works (Ephesians 2:10).

I am a new creature in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17).

I am a spirit being alive to God (Romans 6:11;1 Thessalonians 5:23).

I am a believer, and the light of the Gospel shines in my mind (2 Corinthians 4:4).

I am a doer of the Word and blessed in my actions (James 1:22,25).

I am a joint-heir with Christ (Romans 8:17).

I am more than a conqueror through Him Who loves me (Romans 8:37).

I am an overcomer by the blood of the Lamb and the word of my testimony (Revelation 12:11).

I am a partaker of His divine nature (2 Peter 1:3-4).

I am an ambassador for Christ (2 Corinthians 5:20).

I am part of a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a purchased people (1 Peter 2:9).

I am the righteousness of God in Jesus Christ (2 Corinthians 5:21).

I am the temple of the Holy Spirit; I am not my own (1 Corinthians 6:19).

I am the head and not the tail; I am above only and not beneath (Deuteronomy 28:13).

I am the light of the world (Matthew 5:14).

I am His elect, full of mercy, kindness, humility, and longsuffering (Romans 8:33; Colossians 3:12).

I am forgiven of all my sins and washed in the Blood (Ephesians 1:7).

I am delivered from the power of darkness and translated into God’s kingdom (Colossians 1:13).

I am redeemed from the curse of sin, sickness, and poverty (Deuteronomy 28:15-68; Galatians 3:13).

I am firmly rooted, built up, established in my faith and overflowing with gratitude (Colossians 2:7).

I am called of God to be the voice of His praise (Psalm 66:8; 2 Timothy 1:9).

I am healed by the stripes of Jesus (Isaiah 53:5; 1 Peter 2:24).

I am raised up with Christ and seated in heavenly places (Ephesians 2:6; Colossians 2:12).

I am greatly loved by God (Romans 1:7; Ephesians 2:4; Colossians 3:12; 1 Thessalonians 1:4).

I am strengthened with all might according to His glorious power (Colossians 1:11).

I am submitted to God, and the devil flees from me because I resist him in the Name of Jesus (James 4:7).

I press on toward the goal to win the prize to which God in Christ Jesus is calling us upward (Philippians 3:14).

For God has not given us a spirit of fear; but of power, love, and a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7).

It is not I who live, but Christ lives in me Galatians 2:20

            

              Now these are just a FEW of the things that God tells me....so now I have to decide if I believe Him. Do I believe that what God says is true and never false. If I do...then I have to own these things. I have to see that when God created the hill....He did it with just as much passion and love as He had when He created the mountain. 

          I am trying to teach my daughters to own in every way the fact that they are royalty...heirs to a great and mighty Kingdom that one day soon will be here. I want them to know this in their core....they BELONG. They are valued and treasured and of GREAT WORTH....and I will never be able to fully teach that to them when they see me constantly doubt myself and who I am. I am teaching them to do the same thing I do...compare and always come up lacking. So I want them to see me as a seeker...someone who is seeking truth always. Not perfect. But a seeker.

 Listen my friends, We ARE NOT a perfect people yet. We will struggle with laundry and dishes and dirty houses, rushed schedules and exhaustion that leads us to buy fast food instead of cook a good meal until Jesus comes to take us home. But what we DON"T have to struggle with is who we are IN Christ....because He lays it out for us over and over. We just need to believe Him. Why is it so easy to believe that He will rescue us from certain eternal death by salvation, but so hard to believe that we are beautiful?!? He tells us BOTH in His Word. He speaks of our beauty in 2 Corinthians 4:16 ESV   So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.

And again in Song of Solomon 4:7 ESV     You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you. 

1 Peter 3:3-4 ESV     Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. 

If we could change our perception...we would change the world. Because what I don't see when I am washing the dishes or folding laundry or staring into the abyss of a messy house, or crying in my closet because I just can't handle one more question from the girls....is God looking into my heart. He is not sitting there staring at my sink full of dishes and "tsk tsking" me....no. He is looking upon my heart and He see's His daughter whom He loves and adores and I bring Him GREAT JOY. We bring Him GREAT JOY in the midst of our messy homes, chaotic schedules, and attempts to be healthy:) We bring Him GREAT JOY because we are of GREAT WORTH. We are HIS DAUGHTERS. We will one day be clothed in complete royalty. We will be wearing a crown on our head fitting ONLY for a daughter of a KING! And we didn't earn that crown because we had a spotless house or messy one...we didn't earn that crown because of anything we did....His love is what put that crown on our heads. 

     Another thing I am coming to see is that my worth does not come from my marriage being perfect or my children always being obedient with never an ugly word or look, or from spending hours and hours volunteering at church or camp or anything. It comes from CHRIST. The end. That's it. It comes from CHRIST. I don't earn it. I don't "find" it. It is already there. The moment I became His daughter I was of GREAT WORTH. 

        He DELIGHTS in us. Now I delight in my daughters...I laugh and my heart is filled with joy when I see them having fun, I think of them constantly and wonder how their day is going, I sit back sometimes and just watch them and listen....because I "delight" in them....How much more does the Father delight in us?!?! He created us with His very breath, made us in His image and then pursued us in a continual love story. It doesn't matter whether I am the hill or the mountain. The one who tries to convince me that the mountain is worth more than the hill....is the enemy. And yet again, because of God's goodness to us, He already tells us this up front! He warns us in His Word that the enemy will try to confuse us and make us feel unworthy. The enemy will want to destroy us and put oppression on our hearts and because God is a Father who DELIGHTS in His children, He gives us weapons and tools and He teaches us how to use them to fight the enemy so that we can stand strong, brave and WORTHY....because we KNOW who we belong to and who we are in Christ. Just think how the enemy would howl if all of the daughters of the King realized their GREAT WORTH and walked in it! 

     Dear sister....my tired, exhausted, weary sister....You ARE of GREAT WORTH. Right now. Just as you are. You are a DELIGHT to your Father in Heaven. I'm sorry your heart is tired and I'm sorry the battle seems so long on days....but you are not alone. You are NOT a disappointment. You are NOT a failure.You are NOT ugly.  You are beautiful. You are treasured. You bring a smile to the King of Kings face and a sigh of happiness from His lips. You bring joy to His eyes as He watches you throughout the day. He SINGS over you because you DELIGHT Him! So let's just try to encourage each other in believing what God says about us. Let's lay our weary hearts down and quit trying to "find" our great worth....because we already have it. We just need to own it.