Brave enough to just be:

       

                                             "Are you willing to be brave enough to trust me?".....how many times my Heavenly Father has asked this of me, I don't know. More than I can count. Being brave is hard. Trust is hard. Being brave enough TO trust can seem impossible! But that is what we are asked to do....to have courage and trust Him in ALL things. That means that I am to trust Him completely when I don't like what is going on, or when someone is hurting and I can't fix it, or when something is going on that I don't like.
       One of the hardest things for me to trust is is God's Truth about myself. I struggle with being brave enough to just "be" because I always worry I will fail by "being me"....I don't know why this is such a struggle for me but it is. Doubts creep in and old lies start ringing in my ears and my faith seems to shrink in the face of certain things. God's Word tells us that we are to have faith like a mustard seed to move mountains....well let me tell you....at times....my faith seems to be even tinier than that tiny seed. I sit back and wonder how I can struggle with my faith so much when God has proven over and over how faithful He is....and it frustrates me that my faith seems to be so tied up in my "feelings" for the day. I long for something deeper. I long for that faith that Abraham and Noah and David and Esther had....the faith that seemed unwavering....
        So I dove into those stories and what I found surprised me. The very people that I had esteemed to such a high place, struggled with their faith. They doubted. They wondered. They questioned. They were a lot like me. They KNEW deep in their hearts that God was the author of the story but they still wondered about the next chapter. They didn't always make the right choice and things didn't always go the way they had hoped. They weren't perfect daughters, mothers, or wives. They had down days and they had up days. There were moments when they were fiercely brave only to hide in the mountains the next day. There were seasons of their lives that were strong and beautiful and seasons that were filled with grief and sorrow or shame and sin. They lived....just like us. They had bills to pay and clothes to buy and children to raise and spouses to honor and life to live....and they lived it. They believed. They sinned. They repented. They cried and they danced. And somehow....God chose their story to become part of His beautiful Word.

      It is in the daily LIVING of their lives that I can see how alike we are. It isn't about becoming the "perfect" person who never doubts and never fears.....it is about trusting God THROUGH the doubts. It is about standing strong when your knees or heart is shaking with fear.It is about walking each day in honesty before Christ. It is about me saying to you," I am scared and I have doubts at times that all this can really work out for my good. I don't always say or think or do the right thing. I am not always a good mom or a good wife. I can let myself down and let others down without even meaning to at times." I need to be honest with people. I need to be honest with myself. But I also need you to know that even though I struggle daily....I KNOW I have a King who is in constant pursuit of my heart. I have the Holy Spirit living inside of me speaking to my heart moment by moment. I have a Father who loves me just as I am....messy house, messy children, messy life....and all. He doesn't ask me to work harder at being better. Instead, He changes the very fabric of my heart from the inside out and I become a better mom, wife, daughter because of HIS SPIRIT INSIDE OF ME. If I could ever remember this throughout each moment of each day, I know it would take a lot of pressure off!
      My faith may not be what I want it to be right now but it is growing. Each day I am learning more about Jesus and His example, I am learning about the Holy Spirit and how to let HIM live through my every moment each day, and I am still learning a great deal about the loving pursuit of a Creator who longs for intimacy with His creation. And I am learning that I am braver than I think I am because of HIM. I am learning that I don't have to know all the answers to life's tough questions. I don't have to always look put together or pretty. I don't always need to be involved in the next big thing....I can just be me. A daughter who is learning to be brave. A daughter who is learning to trust. A daughter who is not to cool to be truly honest about the struggles of life. A daughter....just like you.
       My prayer for you my friend, is that you will not feel pressure to perform but will instead feel freedom to live...truly LIVE.....with the wind in your hair, sun in your face, messy hair everywhere kind of abandon. Because you are created with such uniqueness that the very One who created you, looks on you with rapture and enough joy in His being for you being you...that He sings over you! So be brave my friend....be brave enough to just be....

   

How do you forgive?

                                                                 How do you forgive?
      This is a question I have been asked a lot....people know WHY they should forgive and people know WANT to forgive....but HOW can seem elusive at times. We have all heard the saying, " Don't forgive for them, forgive for you." And that sounds great....BUT HOW? When your heart has been broken and shattered inside of you because of the actions of another person, when someone you trusted to keep you safe from harm caused terrible harm, when you have forgiven in the past only to have it thrown in your face with another slap again and again.... it does something inside you....many times the hurt that was done against you is still throbbing with pain so thinking of forgiving someone for that seems impossible. So let me just be as honest about forgiveness as I can be. YOU CANNOT FORGIVE SOMEONE ON YOUR OWN STRENGTH. It IS impossible. So that should take a little off your shoulders, right....because simply put...you can't.

          I have been asked how I could forgive my daughter after she attacked me over and over...I have been asked why I would forgive my husband after all he did to destroy our marriage....and the answer is far more simple than people expect. I cannot forgive them. The Holy Spirit can. I have to fully surrender myself....how" I "feel...how "I" want to be....how "I "want them to be judged....how "I " deserve better....on and on it can go. For me to truly forgive I have to surrender to Christ. This was really hard for me at first with my husband because even though I loved him and wanted him to become better, I didn't know if I would ever be able to forgive him for the things he had done against our family and our marriage, and so I took that to God. Daily. Many times a day. I began to pray for him very specifically and when you pray with specific intention for someone every day....that makes it a lot harder to hold on to that unforgiveness. Because through prayer, God restores, renews, and revives. And so even when I didn't want to pray for him...even when it didn't seem fair to me that I was the only one doing the praying....I still prayed.
You just do the next right thing. And then the next...
 You keep praying and you don't stop.
Forgiveness breaks the cycle of abuse....so do I want the cycle to continue or do I want it broken?

         Over time I came to understand my choosing to forgive does not mean I forget or act like it never happened in any way....it actually means I fully acknowledge the hurt and the pain that was caused by someones actions and I choose to....let.it.go. I choose to no longer hold those actions against them. I choose to not throw those actions back in their face the next time I get upset with them. I choose to fully see with my spiritual eyes...not just my physical ones....that I have been lavished with grace by my Father even though I sin against Him every day and my sin is why Jesus had to die...and it is no different than anyone else's sin.
        Forgiveness is spiritual. When forgiveness seems impossible....but your heart is surrendered to the Will of the Father....the Holy Spirit will work forgiveness in your heart. It is part of the transforming He does in our hearts.....so let Him. Trust Him.
    If I had to give 5 steps to walk in forgiveness, this would be what they are:
        1. Pray for your enemies. Even when I don't want to.
        2. Give the same amount of forgiveness that you have been given by Christ. "While we were     STILL sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8
        3. Remember that forgiveness does not mean forgetting.
        4. Understand that  I CANNOT walk fully in Christ if I am holding on to                                      unforgiveness.

  5.  Never under estimate the power of God's restorative power! I don't have to forgive because the Holy Spirit does it through me...that takes all the burden off  me:)


Let me just tell you...last year, I would not have been able to tell you for sure if I was going to be able to walk in forgiveness. It is a choice that I made every day to surrender MY WILL to God's. It was the desire to let God completely rule my heart, my emotions, and my desires and not wanting the enemy to win in any sort of way! I want to be LIKE Christ and to do that I have to follow HIS example. So today...right now...pray. Ask God to pour His forgiveness in your heart so that it overflows onto all those who have hurt you. Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to you everyone that you are holding unforgiveness against....write it down and pray over those names daily. Don't stop. Thank Christ every day for His forgiveness that has been lavished on you and pray that you will follow that example.  Trust the heart of the Father who has forgiven us from so much and our ability to forgive others is what makes us different from the world. So let's be different! Let's forgive. Always.

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How is your marriage like an abandoned house?

         Abandoned houses....I have this weird fascination with them. I love walking through them and I love thinking about all the memories that were made there. My grandma use to take us through many old houses and make up stories about who must have lived there and what they must have dreamed....it gave me this deep appreciation for them and the sadness they represented. The other day when I was looking through photos of old houses I was reminded just how much they are like marriages. Abandoned houses....like marriages....can start out so beautiful but soon turn into lonely sadness of what use to be or what should have been....

    When we first fall in love, we have grand visions and beautiful thoughts of what will be....we begin to build our marriage one beautiful layer after another. Some of the bricks we use to build our marriage is ministry, work, or things.  Some of the paint we use is date night, romantic dinners, and fun adventures.  Some of the nails we use may be talking and sharing our life experiences.....but as time goes by....if we don't maintain our marriage....it begins to crumble.

      At first it is in places you can't really see....in the corners....where slowing you began to see some fading. Perhaps there are children that come along and that makes it a little more difficult to spend alone time together. Maybe it is that you are both so involved in ministry and helping others that when you get home, you both are to exhausted to talk about your own marriage, struggles, issues.....so they build. And over time....the beauty of what you thought your marriage could or would be....isn't.  You begin to feel lonely and sad....maybe depression sets in or addictions to other things because you are looking for those beautiful feelings once more. If you AND your spouse don't stop and begin to fix what is broken....if you continue to ignore or maybe even tell yourself it isn't that bad....if you are "ok" with how things are between you and your spouse....then you are well on your way to having a marriage that resembles an abandoned mansion. Beautiful on the outside....but on the inside....lonely and forsaken.

         So what do you do if this is the case? What if you know there are things that need to be taken care of and worked on....but you don't even know where to start? I am going to give you five things that my husband and I have found are critical for marriages to stay strong and beautiful from the inside out! These are things that we have dealt with in our own marriage and have come to see the benefit and how CRITICAL it is to stay on top of these things. If you do....if you BOTH do....the difference in your marriage will be amazing!
           So number 1: Pray together. It never ceases to amaze me how little couples actually pray together. It becomes something that is forgotten, hurried through or altogether given up. Stop this! Take time to hold each others hands....get on your knees together....and pray. Go before the very One who brought you together and PRAY! DO NOT skip this step! Even if you begin by praying together once a week....do that. Make it a priority. And PRAY.
           Number 2: Communicate with each other. This very word scares most men:) One of the things that marriages who struggle talk about the most....communication. One or both are not being heard or do not feel like the other one is truly listening.  To communicate means to share or exchange information, ideas, or news. This means that you both have to share and you both have to listen.  And this is usually the first thing that goes in a marriage....because one or both shut down. They just get tired or give up and they simply shut down. For a marriage to work the way God intended....you MUST communicate. Having six daughters who all love to talk, we know all to well how difficult this can be. Making time for just you and your spouse to communicate with each other and only each other is so important. Make it a priority no matter how late it is, how tired you are, or how long the day has been.....your marriage is worth it.

             Number 3: Make love. I know there are some of you reading this right now with mouths hanging open....and you can't believe I just said that. But friends....God is the One who gave us the gift and the ability to make love to our spouse. He is the One who gave us the JOY of lovemaking and it is a huge part of how we communicate with each other as spouses. When we first get married, we enjoy the ability to make love to our spouses, but somewhere along the way, we lose that joy. Fight for it! Don't be afraid of it and don't think for one second that just because you have been married for plus years you shouldn't be making love with each other often! OK.....enough on that one....I will save the rest of that soapbox for  another blog ;)
            Number 4: Know who your enemy is. This. This is HUGE! When I started realizing that my enemy was never my husband....but the sin....it changed my life. I then was able to battle against the correct enemy....and the enemy is NEVER your spouse. Never. No matter what they are doing or what they have done....they are not the enemy. Satan is. Sin is. Sin is  the one who continually deceives and trick and connives and lures us to forget our TRUE love...Christ. For then we become self-seekers and our marriage is well on its way for ruin. You and your spouse are ONE. God created it that way. So knowing who your enemy is allows you the ability to fight FOR and WITH your spouse. Never AT your spouse.

             Number 5: Serve each other/together. This is a tricky one.....be careful to keep your service within the boundaries that are the best for your marriage. It is easy to let serving others jump in front of serving each other. Be careful with this! Have people in your life that you and your spouse are accountable to that help you keep this in check. Be wise enough to listen when they caution you to put your marriage first above service of others. This is going to be harder for some of you than others....for me....I still struggle with this but I am learning to trust the people God has put in my life to help me keep this in check and I heed their wisdom. This requires me to say the dreaded word...NO....and it is not something I am good at, but I am getting better:)
           Fight for your marriage. Not for you to just be comfortable with it....but for you and your spouse to still be deeply in love. Fight for a oneness with each other that God ordained from the beginning. Fight for the intimacy that God longs for you to have with each other and with Him. Don't just sit by and watch your marriage become an abandoned mansion of misplaced dreams and broken plans.... You can start today and begin a walk toward each other once more.....and I promise you....your marriage is worth it!
 

Beautiful Ashes of Grace: Learning the hard lessons:

Beautiful Ashes of Grace: Learning the hard lessons::          I am sitting here trying to figure out how to put into words what I am feeling....and I am really struggling. I can't hardly...

Learning the hard lessons:

         I am sitting here trying to figure out how to put into words what I am feeling....and I am really struggling. I can't hardly see due to the tears that keep falling down my face.....you see....here we are at Christmas. Again. Another year gone and another year to celebrate the birth of our King. But I am seriously struggling with how my children feel about giving.
          Am I teaching them that giving is TRULY more important than getting? Would they be willing to walk away from a gift for them, to give someone else a gift? I don't know.....it seems in our society more and more children are walking around entitled. They have a sense of "deserving" this or that, when they have done nothing to deserve it. They want to fit in with everyone around them which means they want the newest phone, the newest electronic, the coolest name brand clothes or the most recent music that everyone is listening to....and it breaks my heart. I am watching a generation grow up without having a clue as to what it truly means to give....to the sacrifice. Oh sure they will give some change in the red cross bucket or buy a friend a gift....but it isn't really costing them anything....it isn't sacrificing.They aren't going without so that someone else can have. They aren't having to sacrifice as long they still get....
        Sacrificial love isn't about giving because you have enough to share....it is about giving your all. It is about going without so that someone else can have what is yours. It is about sharing when there ISN'T enough to share....sacrificing. It is about the beautiful elderly woman in Mark 12:42 who gave her last penny...her all.  I want my children to know what it means to sacrifice....to give up...to go without. That is the kind of giving I want my children to know....they are very good at sharing....as long as it doesn't really cost them. They love to buy the coffee for the person in line behind us....as long as they still get theirs. They love to pay for the gas of the person beside us....as long as they can still go where they need to. But would they be willing to share if it truly cost them....after this week, I realize that we still have training to do....
       Do my children even know what sacrifice means? And how very important it is that we understand and practice this? We live in such a "get" world....every day it is about what we can get, how fast we can get it, and who is stopping us from getting it....it shows in how we treat cars that cut us off, in how we treat the people in a long line at the store, in how we treat our spouse and our children when things aren't done on our time table....and our children absorb and soak in all of it. They watch....and learn...and duplicate.

       Then we have the issue of comparing....our friends have a phone, mp3 player, gaming system, ect.....so we too need those things. Our friends are allowed to watch that movie, listen to that song, date that person....so we should be allowed to as well. And for me....in the last few years....I allowed a subtle shift of priorities. I stopped training as much as I started giving in....it was just easier and I was weary.
       The last few years have been rough to say the least and in trying to stand strong, stay focused, stay true to my faith....and in just being weary from the battle....I got tired. My husband wasn't on the same page as me and my family was falling apart and I was desperately trying to hold all the pieces together and now I see that I let some of my belief system be changed because of my exhaustion and weariness....and isn't that where satan wants us to be at? Weary? Tired? Overwhelmed? Letting our guard down so that he can sneak in and deceive.
       So now it is time to refocus....once the Holy Spirit brings something to our attention, we have the choice, just like every child, to choose to obey or continue on in our ways. I choose to turn around. I choose to acknowledge that I still have alot of room for improvement as a parent and I choose to listen to the wisdom of the Holy Spirit. I choose to fight for my family. I choose to not give up because it is easier to give in than to train.

            So I challenge you to take an honest look at your family. Be willing to hold up the mirror of God's Word and see what your family can change to walk in a more intimate way with Jesus. Don't be afraid to see what the weaknesses are in your family....we are not expected to be a perfect family...but are we growing? Do we pursue and search the heart of Christ as a family? Do we have those conversations with our children that challenge them in their faith and make them seek out their own hearts of who they serve...and why. Are we teaching our children that the Holy Spirit is a great teacher and that when He shows us these things, it is because He loves us. He longs for us to be ever closer....ever pursuing...ever seeking. His love for us is beyond what we can ever fathom with our physical brain and that by giving our all in all areas, we are getting more than we can comprehend? 

        This week has been a great lesson for me....and one I am learning from. We are not a perfect family. We have our struggles and our weaknesses. But it is BECAUSE of those weaknesses that Christ is glorified through us as we continue to  learn as a family how to fall deeper in love with our King. I am proud of my daughters for desiring to learn more about the heart of Jesus....even when the lesson is a hard one. I am grateful that Jesus never gives up on us....and that He lovingly teaches us lessons that are vital for us to learn. So I pray the lessons continue....I pray we continue to learn of our weak areas as a family and that we are not afraid to talk about the things we struggle with as we push on together in learning how to be more Christlike....in every area..... and that this year we give our all. In all areas. In all ways.

   

Beautiful Ashes of Grace: When your heart is just plain weary

Beautiful Ashes of Grace: When your heart is just plain weary:       One of the things I have noticed lately is that we as women are tired. Just plain tired. We are weary of laundry, dishes, busy sche...

When your heart is just plain weary

      One of the things I have noticed lately is that we as women are tired. Just plain tired. We are weary of laundry, dishes, busy schedules, and dreams being broken. Our hearts are heavy with grief over jobs lost, children hurting, husbands struggling, and watching a world fall to pieces. We deal with feeling loneliness even though we are surrounded by people.  We feel the pain of the mommies all over the world who fear for the children's lives right now and we feel the brokenness of so many because we are women....and we were created to feel...and feel deeply.
      We are weary.....and at times it seems like the weariness is just to deep and the ache in our hearts is to sharp and all we can think about is surviving. At times it seems like each breath we take inhales more pain and with each exhale we fall deeper into those feelings of unworthiness, not good enough, not strong enough, not on top of things enough.....just not enough. Our hearts have become weary from all the ugliness of the world and the hateful words and the cheap shots.

        And so today.....I offer a small place to come and find comfort. I offer a few words that I pray will soothe your tired heart. You are loved. You are a precious daughter of a King. You were created with aching tenderness from an artist that captured all of everything beautiful into one beautiful creation....you! You have a great and mighty purpose. You may not always feel like you do....but you do. Always. You are making a difference. You are not alone in your struggles. You are pursued by a great lover. You are treasured and cherished exactly as you are. You are achingly beautiful to your Heavenly groom.
      Today....go outside....even if just for a moment. Take a deep breath. Lift your arms in praise....don't be afraid of anyone around you. For just this moment....it is you and your King. Praise Him. Thank Him. Trust His heart....and know that right now at this very moment....even as you read these words....the Holy Spirit is here with you. He is hearing your tears and see's your heavy heart. He knows how brave you are trying to be and yet how broken you feel inside....and He is here. He is looking at you with deep tenderness in His eyes and He is singing over you. The God who created this world around us by speaking it into being....is with you right now. And He is proud of you. He is in a covenant with you that cannot be broken. You have a beautiful story already written and as daughters of the King....it ends in Victory!! It does not end in defeat. It ends in glory my friend....so hang in there. The chapter you are in right now, may not be a fun one and it may have more tears than laughing right now....but it is just a chapter. And there are many more chapters to be read still....so hang in there my beautiful sisters. And today....just for this moment....breathe in His grace and exhale out His goodness.