My HOPE is built on nothing less than Jesus:

                 

         

                           HOPE:

a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.

"he looked through her belongings in the hope of coming across some information"

synonyms:

aspiration, desire, wish, expectation, ambition, aim, goal, plan, design;

              What does hope mean to you? I looked up the definition and you posted them above, and do you see the synonyms for hope: ambition, goal, aim, plan,...isn't this AMAZING! To have hope is not just to wait around for something good to happen...it is to PLAN, to AIM, to have AMBITION or a GOAL...that is exactly what I am learning. I am learning the true meaning of hope. And how closely faith and hope are! They are interwoven together...hope and faith, faith and hope...

      I went to an event last night called "Night of Hope" and it was an event that spoke hope into people's lives when people feel alone or ashamed. It gave addicts the freedom to stand up and say that they were recovering, that they struggled, that they wanted to be free. I sat there and looked out and around at all the many, many people standing up and wondered about each of their stories...the pain, the betrayal, the REDEMPTION that went with each one of these beautiful people standing now in freedom and the Holy Spirit spoke to my heart through them. I don't want people to live in fear or shame, or bondage...I want them to be free! I felt like the Holy Spirit was telling me this is why JT and I have to tell our story...for other people to understand that there is freedom! So many years of living with the fear of someone finding out what JT did, or the shame of having to try and cover more lies so that no one would think badly of him, so much bondage that came from all the lies and the guilt...I can't even imagine what JT must have felt with all that and more weighing him down!

      When JT and I first started talking about this and realizing that he was going to have to go into an in-patient treatment facility, I knew that we were going to have to go into this with complete honesty with everyone and I knew how hard that would be for JT! As we talked, and I saw that JT was willing to have everything laid out, exposed for all the world to see, I knew just how heavy his burden must of been. He was so tired of living the life of lies,shame, guilt, and fear...the life of a man in chains...that he was willing to just expose it all and risk losing everything and everyone...his burden was just to heavy. So we agreed to be honest with everyone and God has only blessed that honesty. He has poured out His love on JT and our family in such a deep way that we could never deny His presence here in the midst of this journey! This is HOPE my friends! This is knowing and seeing the hand of God daily through each of our family and friends as they live out His direction each day toward our family! It BLOWS me AWAY!!!! So, let's get on with all this hoensty, no matter how hard it is:)

       Our story has really just begun on this road...we have such a long way ahead still and many times I do not know where it will end but I have hope...Betrayal is a very difficult thing and I have been betrayed. JT and I's vows have been betrayed and my heart has been betrayed by the very man that I gave it to, to protect and keep safe and that hurts. It really, really hurts. It cuts deep down into your heart and satan takes that hurt and feels your head with lies and the only way  to stop that hurt from turning into bitterness, is to take those thoughts captive! I mean it!! This is something that God has been working on in me so much through this! I cannot just sit around and think about how hurt I feel, how upset I am, how broken my heart is...sure I can say I'm upset and that this made me angry and upset! Of course, I have a right to those feelings...but I and I alone can choose how I will react to these things. I and I alone can choose what I will meditate on day and night. My counselor was telling me just the other day when I was asking him how I am suppose to trust JT again, that I don't. He reminded me that my trust is in the Lord. Man, humans, will always fail at some point...we are a fallen people....but God will NEVER FAIL me. And he is right.

      So I will trust in the Holy Spirit to heal my hurt and  broken heart...and I will trust the Holy Spirit to renew my love for JT so that I am more in love with him than I could ever imagine. I will trust the Holy Spirit to take out all those feelings of hurt and replace with love...and He can...that is exactly what He does all the time! He takes broken marriages, broken hearts and, broken people...and He creates beauty! He is showing me all the stories in His Word where He has restored what man would think lost forever! He has healed far greater things than my marriage! He has renewed and restored the hearts of such broken people that all would say it is a lost cause...but God NEVER sees a lost cause...and I want to be like that so deeply! I want to look at every situation that I am put in and always see the redeemable! Because I know what God does for my heart every day. I have no question that if it wasn't for His great love for me, and His great power through the Holy Spirit in my life, there would be no hope for me. But God looks on us and sees a great and mighty plan! A purpose that is God-breathed! We are the ones who take the rougher road for a season at times, but even during those times...He is there. He did not send His perfect only Son for a few people who were kinda bad...He sent Jesus because He ALREADY KNEW this is where JT and I would be on August 16th, 2014. He ALREADY KNEW that JT would struggle and give in to these addictions and He ALREADY KNEW that I would sit here on my bed and write it out for you to read. But this is the part I am clinging to more than anything right now...He ALREADY KNOWS that JT has victory over these things. He ALREADY KNOWS that our marriage will be stronger and greater BECAUSE of these things and the journey we have had to walk as it has grown us closer to His heart! He ALREADY KNOWS!! He isn't holding His breathe hoping JT will choose the right thing, or that I won't walk away...He isn't reading my blog to catch up on what He missed:) He ALREADY has a MIGHTY PLAN and a MIGHTY PURPOSE for this that will bring Him great honor...so that fills my heart with HOPE! 

     On those days when I cry or wonder why...I stop. I take them captive. I turn to His Word for TRUTH! I call up on one of you dear friends and ask you to speak truth over my life. I pray. I sing. But I will not give satan one more second of glory through this...he has held JT in bondage far to long...and this is a time of FREEDOM and of HOPE! No more despair. No more fear...this is a time for great cleansing in JT's life...I am hearing him talk on the phone and hearing hope in his voice as he finally fights back! He is learning how to use the weapons that God has given all of us and it is filling him with hope for the first time in a very long time. He is picking up that HOPE that God gives him and it is giving him the desire to make goals, aim for something high, to make a plan and be filled with ambition...just like the definition says! It is HARD! I have heard him cry more than I ever have before...I read the letters that bring me to tears even thinking about them...I know this is painful for him to walk and walk it without me holding his hand...I know he needs to do this because he needs to discover the freedom of Christ from ALL the chains and all the bondage and I can't be there to walk it with him right now...this is about JT and Jesus. The only way for healing to come...is JT and Jesus. The only way for freedom to come...is JT and Jesus. So while he walks this dark journey on his own physically...spiritually he is surrounded by many warriors fighting on his behalf, of this I have no doubt! There is a mighty war going on for JT...but I don't and won't fear that! I will pray. I will fight for him with everything in me, on my knees. I will cover him in prayer from the top of his head to the bottom of his feet and I will leave it between him and Jesus. And I will be honest about this journey and battle so that those of you who are fighting it will see that you are NOT ALONE! You DO NOT have to cry behind closed doors...you don't have to hide in shame or guilt. That is the very thing that satan wants you to do! He knows there will never be victory as long as there is shame, guilt, HIDING. and I will not give him one more second in this home...and you don't have to either. We need to start fighting his lies with the Word of truth! I think as Christians we down-play God's Word so much! It is ALIVE! It is POWERFUL! It is TRUE! It is a WEAPON! And it is ours to use...if only we will. It is full of HOPE and FREEDOM for all of us! 

         What are you struggling with today? Right now? Is it envy? Anger? Fear? Whatever it is, I can promise you that God has the answer you are looking for right there in His Word. If you don't know where to start...please ask me! God has given me so much peace from His Word and I want to share that with everyone I meet:)  So yet again...God brings me back to that precious word...HOPE! Let us stand on that word as brothers and sisters in Christ. Take that thought captive, turn on the praise music, and let us start praising God for what HE ALREADY knows!!