The next chapter: Redemption

Ephesians 1:7 "In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that He lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding."

How do I start this? What do I say? How will everyone respond? What will people REALLY think about our family now?....just breathe deep....say a prayer....start writing.
            I am not sure how to write this to sound eloquent or pretty because sin is not pretty. It is ugly and hurtful and destructive. It takes the most beautiful parts of our lives and turns them into ugly pieces that we become ashamed of and so we hide them, deep inside, and paint our smile on so that everyone will think we are "normal" or "have it together" even though inside we are dying.Piece by piece. Sin by sin. And we have no way to get clean because then we would have to completely surrender ourselves to the opinions of others and that is probably the hardest part of this blog. But I made a promise to God when He prompted me to start this blog, that I would be honest...at all cost. So this blog will be one of those that you will either cry with because you understand, or because you have a deeply empathetic heart...or you will read this and become angry because we are now " one of THOSE people"...either way, is your choice. I pray you will read this and the Holy Spirit will speak to your heart through these words and that you will support and love our family even more than you did before you read this....so here goes...
             My beloved husband JT is leaving early next week to enter into an intensive recovery center for addicts for at least the next 30 days. He has struggled since his teen years with very addictive behaviors and has tried so hard to be "better", to "just stop", or to "turn away" from them...but is not always that easy. Satan has a way of lying to us and making us think that maybe it really isn't that bad of a thing...maybe people just over react...and the cycle continues of shame, guilt, and fear of being found out. Even certain churches and "christians" can make you feel like you cannot come clean because no one else struggles with this...that facade we put on is SO damaging! I pray with all my heart that one day we will be able to be completely honest with each other as members of the Heavenly Kingdom! JT and I have tried every resource we know to give him the tools to overcome this, but he is in bondage to this and I firmly believe that until he gets away from every environmental factor and is able to just focus completely on what is broken inside, what is causing him to continually turn to these things, he will never be free. Our marriage has struggled in so many ways through these 14 years because of these addictions and we both know that God is the only One who can break this bondage in his heart. This will be probably the most difficult thing our family has faced so far...and we have faced some doozies!...because not only will JT be gone for that time, but we will have no paycheck coming in and we will be paying for the treatment center...but God is faithful! I have spent my time in tears and fears and the Holy Spirit spoke His words over me, brought them to my mind...does He not care more about us than the sparrow?, Our we not His beloved? Does He not want Victory for our family? Of course He does! He promises that greater is HE that is IN me, than he that is in the world! The Holy Spirit resides in my heart...He gives me ALL the power I need to be able to face this with joy and strength! Satan is just a fallen messenger...doing his best to destroy our lives...we WILL NOT allow him to have a victory over our family. I committed to JT nearly 14 years ago to stand by him through everything...no matter how hard. I am true to my word only because the Holy Spirit gives me the strength to be. He fills my heart with love for JT and gives me a deep desire to help and support him as he walks this journey. I know that many of you may fill that I should leave...let me tell you that there is NO reason for you to come and speak to me about this...it will not happen. My commitments are very serious in my heart and I don't run away when something is hard. I am taught by the Holy Spirit to look at things through spiritual eyes...not physical...I am to see everything that JT can be as a free man walking in Christ! We all have that "thing" that is constantly battling us...that one (or two) sin that just won't let go...no matter how hard we pray, or how often we go to counseling...and just when we think we may be over it, it rears its ugly head and sinks its teeth back into our heart and pulls us under. The shame of that and the guilt of that weighs us down even more...and pretty soon, we can't breathe from all the stress of keeping the lies and deceit straight. That is how JT has been living for years. I am writing this with him reading it by my side and I would never push post unless he was ok with it because I love him and I don't want people to think badly of him. He is still an amazing daddy...he still has a heart that is burdened for the broken people in this world, he is still the one that my heart loves...and he is still a sinner...just like me. and you. He has just reached that point where he is finally ready to strip everything bare in front of everyone to become free. No more pretending. No more lies. No more facade. Just honest, painful truth. Our family will be relying on God to provide "manna" every day. We will go to bed at night not sure how things will get paid, but trusting that they will. And just like for the Israelites God provided manna every morning, He will provide for us. This is so true in my heart that  I know it comes from the beautiful peace of God. I am not worried or stressed about this. I know that God will provide and although I am fairly certain I will have days when I cry alot, or begin to doubt, I am already making a commitment to God that I will take those thoughts captive and speak joy into our family! We will put on our armor every morning knowing the enemy will attack us at our weakest and I will rely on you my dear friends for support and encouragement. I will call on many of you to cry or possibly even whine...and my girls will need to know that judgement is not sitting out there waiting to pounce on them for choices their dad made, but love instead. Please remember that this is their dad and they love him very much...so be gentle when you talk around them please! Let them know it's ok to cry or be upset and then please reassure them of God's great faithfulness. I am praying even now that God will use this time to show Himself to my girls as He alone will be providing our needs. From our gas to our groceries. I want them to see His love for them in this and I want them to know that I don't just talk about trusting God...that I live it. That it is part of who I am. I ask that you pray for JT. This is so difficult to expose himself like this for all the world to judge...but please remember that he is your brother and that we are called to encourage, pray for, and support our brothers when they need it. I pray that you will ask God to speak truth into his life like never before and that every curse and every chain of bondage will be broken and thrown away. I pray that God will speak truth over him about his value in Christ and about the beauty of redemption. I pray that when JT leaves that building it will be with no burden of shame, no burden of guilt and no grief...but with a freedom that will not be contained! I pray that God will rise up a mighty warrior in JT, and that satan will regret for all eternity the time he spent on destroying JT. I pray our family will be a light for others who are walking this road...may they find freedom in knowing they are not alone. So, there it is...another chapter of our life for all to see...I cannot explain to you how important your prayers will be for our family in the next few weeks or months. Our counselor recently told us this," when people find out that someone in their church has cancer or a disease, they rally behind that family, They will provide meals or fundraisers to raise money for medical bills and lots of prayers...but when people find out about an addictive sin that someone needs treatment for, they tend to run away, or turn a blind eye or worst yet, talk about that family in a disdainful way...but the sickness is just as grave, if not more so than a medical condition, because with addictions, we are dealing with someone's soul." How true that is! It really made me stop and think about how many people must be struggling with no freedom of saying "I need help!" because of the fear of being judged by other believers. I will not let that fear take hold in our family. I want the girls to understand that we battle FOR each other, not against. I want them to be brave enough in their own lives to be able to ask for help...regardless of the sin. I especially want them to know that God renews, redeems, and transforms us. God takes broken, destroyed people and turns them into warriors and victors! Just look at God's Word...the very books we treasure and go to over and over again are written by broken sinners that God has redeemed. God already knows what glory will come from this. He already knows the outcome and I know that He wants JT free of this so that he can continue to use JT in powerful and mighty ways. I pray that God will take every day of this and use it to teach us of His heart, His provision, and His great love for us. I will be posting about this journey frequently and some of the post may be harder than others but I promise you that as you walk this journey with us, you will hear my complete honesty about it. You will read my heart, just as you are doing now, as you read these words...so....please let me know that you will join our family in prayer. Please comment or email me or call me or something to let me know that you are praying for us! Please don't forget to pray...I will be coveting those prayers so much! Please understand that I will probably have days when I am sad or possibly mad and please understand that more than anything I want God to be praised through this! I will write my heart and I ask you to read it just like the pages of my journal. It will be intimate and straight into my heart. I love you all my dear sisters and brothers. I am beyond grateful for the family that I belong to in Christ. I know what beautiful people you are and how supportive you are going to be...and I thank you for that...it makes it a little easier as I expose my heart to you. I will leave you with this," 1 Peter 1:6-7, In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith- of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire-may be proved geunine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed." ....may this make our faith even stronger in Him.
                                        His servant,
                                           Brandi Shearer