Breathless by God

   

        There are times when God just leaves you breathless. He puts people in your life or does something extraordinary and it just leaves you breathless. I have had many of those moments as I walk this journey....

      Earlier this week, I was hanging on to my faith as the doubt kept trying to creep in. I have three things that I like to do when I am stressed out. 1 is to work out. 2 is to write. 3 is to work outside in the garden or with animals. Well....after the week I have had, I have done all three in one day:) It has just been that kind of a week....but the other day I was out there pulling those weeds and talking to God. I was reminding myself of WHO I AM IN CHRIST...because I seem to forget this alot....and I was reminding myself that God has promised to take care of the girls and I. I was crying because I want my faith to get to the point that no matter what I have to face, I just automatically believe what God says. And it frustrates me that I still let doubt and fear creep in after all that God has done for us so far. He is truly giving the girls and I manna every day and yet when it looks like the manna may run out to me, I instantly feel that old fear creep in...and so I was out there pulling those weeds and telling my spirit," You either believe or you don't." " You either trust God with everything, or nothing at all." and my phone rang. It was some dear friends that use to be Sunday school teachers of mine. They asked if they could come visit me and soon showed up to sit on the front porch and just talk. It was so refreshing for my soul to sit with these dear friends and just talk and listen. They offered encouragement and just in them being there to walk this journey with me meant so much. I cried alot as I sat there and talked with them but each tear was less weight I was bearing that day and when they left they gave me an envelope with more manna in it. But friends, this is the best part....they gathered around me and prayed over me....sigh....I cannot tell you what prayer does to my spirit. It is a physical reaction I have to a spiritual thing. Prayer is one of my most favorite means of communication....because it is when souls talk to each other. These beautiful people who use to pray over me when I was a young teenager, are now praying over me as I sit here as a wife and a mother....it is just mind blowing how God works! He knew all those years ago when I first met them, that this day would come. He knew that they would be sitting on my front porch pouring prayer over me like a balm. Doesn't His love for us just leave you completely breathless? 

      Here is one of the things I am learning through this....God is working even when we can't see that work. My pastor has been speaking on how God is with us on Sunday and last Sunday he said several things that I just had to write down and I have been going back over them...this is one of them," It is not about my ability, it is about the Presence of God." He also said," I don't need to figure out how to get out of this battle, but instead just need to be still and follow." Wow....See why those words penetrated into my heart?! Do you know how many times I have looked around me and tried to figure out how to get out of this battle? What could I do to make it all stop?...but this time I am learning to have a totally different attitude....instead of trying to figure out how to get out of the battle, I am just following Christ THROUGH the battle because He promises me that I am not alone, never forsaken, and that He is GREATER than the one we are battling! When all I see around me is the chaos and trouble, it is because I have taken my eyes off of Jesus...because when my eyes are fixed on Him and I keep staring straight ahead into His eyes, when I stay focused on HIS TRUTH and not the enemies lies, I hardly notice the chaos and trouble. It becomes something that I makes me lean into the Father's heart so I don't pray the battle away, I pray I grow and learn from the battle. I feel my Father's heart beating steady and strong . I hear His voice calling my name. I see His hands ever before me. And I stop looking for away out of the battle. I just be quiet and follow...

         I see His hand in all of this. I see the people that He brought into my life as a little girl who have been faithful and true friends for this moment. When I had no idea that one day I would walk this journey, He did. And He provided for it long before I ever knew....breathless....that is what He leaves me. Breathless to know more. Breathless to see more. Breathless to be a part of this journey...is it difficult? Yes. It is. But without this journey, JT and I would not be learning about our faith or about the heart of our King! It is BECAUSE of this journey, that I am able to fall even more in love with Jesus, with the Holy Spirit as He leads me, and with God who is my provider every day. I am in awe of Him my friends...completely breathless with who He is. If I have to walk through difficult journey's to learn more of His heart, than I may never walk anything but those journeys. I pray my eyes will stay fixed on Him and that I will just be still and follow....