After the storm:

       During a fierce storm, you usually are solely focused on the storm. You hear it around you pounding on your heart, screeching across your mind and howling into your spirit....and you stay focused on surviving the storm. You take cover, you protect yourself the best you can and you just ride it out...there is nothing else left to do. You cannot change the direction of the storm. You cannot alter it somehow to become something other than a storm....you just have to get through the storm. 

     After the storm is over...that is when you start to assess the damage. You walk around and take inventory of what has been damaged and you look around to see what can be fixed or what needs to be thrown away and replaced. After a particularly fierce storm, you see that the storm may have changed the way something will be forever. It may have created something different that wasn't there before the storm...a different view perhaps...because the fierceness of the storm took down somethings and created a different view. 

      That is where I am at right now: assessing the damage. I am finally seeing an end to this storm that has been going on since August. It has been a fierce and long storm and every once in awhile I still hear the thunder and see the lightning crack across my heart...but I also know that it is almost over. The time for the storm is nearly over and now it is time to do inventory on my heart. 

     I know that I will never be the same person I was before this storm...I have lost pieces of my heart during this storm, but God has faithfully and lovingly spared my spirit. I will never again be the Brandi that was before this storm. It has changed me. It has tested my faith and grown me in ways that I am still learning...and that's ok. It's ok to come out of a storm changed. We don't walk through pain and hurt without it affecting us in some way and for me, it has stretched me into becoming more of the woman that God wants me to be. 

     This storm has taught me about myself and how in many ways I needed to be completely reliant upon my King and I know that would not have happened unless I had walked through this dark, scary at times, dangerous storm. I have felt the sting of the rain. I have been scared at times and unsure if I was going to make it  through it...my knees have bruises where I have fallen onto them over and over again. I have learned what it means to trust God for my every single thing. I have learned to be on my knees within my spirit constantly. I have learned just how loudly the spirit can groan on our behalf. 

      My identity comes from being the daughter of the King of kings...not from being Kari's mom, or JT's wife...but from my Heavenly Father. I'm still learning exactly what that means for me...but the greatest thing I have learned is that the storm does end. It does. And that even when the storm is at its worst...raging against you in every way...God is there. He is in the middle of the rain. He is there in the midst of the thunder and lightning. He. is. there. When He promises to never leave us...He keeps His Word. 

   So....I will take some time this week...maybe next week as well...and maybe the next:)...and I will assess. I will take a moment to step out into my heart and look and see. I will check for damage. I will look at the new view I have on life and my faith. I will praise. I will probably cry some, because when we lose parts of ourselves, it can hurt. I miss the innocence of before August. But I can finally see the light through the storm. I can even feel it sometimes...that warmth that comes from the sun pouring down after a fierce storm. I can smell the hope that is in the air...the storm has washed away alot of junk out of our lives and for that I can truly smell Hope! 

     I know that each of us walk through different storms...some seem so unbearable and maybe you are so weary that you can't even move....maybe your heart is feeling crushed and bruised...you are not alone. You have beside you warriors lifting you up.Other brothers and sister in Christ who are walking beside you. Let them. Tell them when you cannot move. Or pray. Or even speak....let us battle for you when you can't do it yourself. And know that this battle will end....I know it may seem so dark where you are at right now....I know that darkness all to well. But God is there. He is listening to every groaning of your heart. And the storm...it will end. Hope is there...maybe you can hear it in between the thunder or catch glimpses of it in between the lightning strikes...you know it is there...just hang on to each of those glimpses....hold tightly to it! And take a deep breath...deeper....let it out slowly and do it again....and again....hope is there.  Here is a song that has filled my room so many times as I have held on for dear life through this storm. I pray it offers you hope like it did to me...so take a minute to turn up the volume. Close your eyes and let the words wash over you like a cleansing rain...words of hope. Gentle words that will not hurt...but will heal.